"Aye, these appear to be... quite old," remarked Khralis as he brandished his holy symbol and examined one of the 12 standing stones that formed a circle in the forbidding marsh, upon which a flock of ravens watched menacingly.
"If that's all that your stonecunning can tell us," said Gallarain snarkily, strumming his lute dissonantly. "I'm starting to question why it's even worth it having a Dwarf in the party."
"Come now, Gallarain," reprimanded Jocelyn sternly, from atop her dire wolf mount. "I know it's disheartening to trudge through a creepy stonehenge swamp, but this is the best lead we have to recover another gem for the Martikov family."
"That's another thing," replied the Half Elf minstrel. "My goal is to gather knowledge and experience from all corners of this world and tell wondrous tales of them. And here I am stuck in a disgusting bog, when the baron of this land, Strahd himself, has extended us an invitation to his castle!"
"We're not ready to face Strahd," pronounced the Paladin grimly, adjusting the sword belt on her saddle. "And I know you were not traveling with us when
we defended the Wizard of Wines winery from the marauding druids, but Davian Martikov has been a good friend to us, and now he needs our help."
"He needs help getting his plants to grow grapes. I can cast a SPELL spell to do that!" huffed Gallarain. "We could be making real political influence by meeting with that Vampire."
"For many people in the Kingdom of Barovia, wine is the only solace they have," said Mia the rogue somberly, casting a knowing glance at Khralis. "So if we help provide it, we can use it to win allies, like we did with Kresk... until it got weird..."
"Who's that!? Hiding behind the stone there?" piped Perri Hopter, in a surprisingly aggressive tone for a Gnome Wizard. Mia quickly dove off the road to hide behind a stone of her own, although they were clearly being watched for a while now. "Hail traveler! Make yourself known!"
"My name is Muhryiel!" Came a voice with the familiar Barovian accent. The light of a lantern emerged from behind the far stone, revealing a peasant woman armed with a dagger. She stepped into the open, but kept her voice low. "Are you fhriends of the Mahrtikoffs?"
"Who wants to know?" charged Perri, advancing rather heedlessly. "IF you're even really there... MURIEL-OOF!" The diminutive form of the Gnome collided with the woman's waist as his attempt to walk through same space as the human was occupying failed, with some awkward embarrassment.
"Errr, what I'm sure my friend meant to say is..." interjected Gallarain, lifting Perri off the ground and dusting him off, "Um, we ARE indeed friends of the Martikovs, as my companion was just saying, rather loudly, so, uh, what are you doing here?"
Perri snuck back to where Mia was hiding and whispered, "I could've sworn that lady was an illusion. I didn't smell her at all! And I'm usually pretty good at picking that stuff up, due to my lycanthropy..."
"Maybe it's the smell of the bog that's clogging your senses," offered Mia. "But it looks like this Muriel shares your affliction!"
The previously meek looking peasant woman was in the process of transforming into a fearsome humanoid creature with dark feathered wings and a large beak. The ravens roosting on the stones muttered and flew away.
"You see, I too am a were-raven, just like the Mahrtikov family," Muriel spoke as she dropped her hybrid form and became human again. "We are members of a secret and ancient order..."
"Yes, the Preservers of the Feather!" chimed in Ricktavio, the second member of the party dressed as a Half-Elf bard. "I am familiar with your works."
Jocelyn started and nearly slipped off her mount, as if she forgot all about Ricktavio's presence in the middle-back of the party's marching order. "Well then, Muriel, it's good to know you can be trusted," blurted Jocelyn. "What can you tell us of the gem?"
"Our spies say that ze gem is likely held by the witch Baba Lysaga," provided Muriel. An eerie silence followed.
"And where can we find this... Baba La-ganoush...ka?" asked Gallarain.
"She lives eastvard, thru the forest, but ze ravens dare not fly past ze scarecrows," warned Muriel, denoting a skeletal figure with its limbs in an uncomfortable position.
"We'll be sure to steer clear of them," assured Perri. "And tell me, does this... Baby Lasagna have any magical power over the sense of smell?"
"Baba Lysaga has power over many things. Some legends say that she is older and more evil zhan Strahd himself," declared Muriel. "And otherz say zhat she flies around in a giant skull."
"I don't know which of these rumors is harder to believe, but I'm game to find out!" exclaimed Gallarain, joyously. "This sounds like the makings of a marvelous story! I wonder if this witch's hut in the woods will be as delicious as the one from the fairytale I overheard during my travels. Come, fellows!" and with that the Half-Elf rushed off to the east.
"Gallarain, wait, we should formulate a plan and..." cried Jocelyn frustratedly. "In the name of the Morning Lord," she muttered to herself, "what do you care about telling stories anyway, you're a warlock!" And she turned and spurred her wolf after him.
===
"So I think this... Balenciaga is at home," proclaimed Mia as she crept back to the party from her hiding place. "There is in fact a giant hollowed out skull by the front door, so she must not be traveling. There are also two cages full of trapped ravens, who could..."
"Ohmygosh, the skull thing is REAL!?" shouted Gallarain as he bounded out of the underbrush. "THIS I gotta see!"
"Hey, wait up, I got dibs on the skull!" countered Perri, as he took off at a somewhat slower pace.
"No, you two, wait..." warned Mia, but it was too late. A cacophony of the squawking and fluttering of ravens blasted into the clearing along with the two adventurers, who for the first time beheld the hut of Baba Lysaga. It was a modest enough dwelling, 15 feet square, with only one door, but it looked very imposing because it was built into the top of a gigantic tree stump that sat human-height above the surface of the swamp. From the trunk extended a gnarled and sturdy root system, some branches running several dozen feet away from the hut.
As soon as the commotion started, a pale green light started shining from the open doorway of the hut. "Who dares visit the hut of Baba Lysaga?" asked a voice from within, which, even though it sounded to the travelers like a faint whisper, somehow carried over the din of the excited ravens.
Gallarain turned his attention from the skull and bowed low. "It is I, Gallarain Cross, and I only wish to behold your legendary countenance, and tell of it in song!"
"Hmm, no on/off switch on this thing..." remarked Perri as he began inspecting the skull. "And I'm reasonably sure it used to belong to a Giant... Doesn't smell like a Giant, though..."
Jocelyn on her wolf and the rest of the adventurers crashed through the bushes; all except Mia, who pulled out a hand crossbow and took a sniping position behind one of the roots. "You have taken something that does not belong to you, witch," cried Jocelyn, "and we are taking it back!"
"Ohhh, you mean my pretty gem," the witch's voice cackled. "No, I think I will keep it. I can make better use of it than those rats with wings!"
"They're called RAVENS," shouted Jocelyn indignantly. "Ari, forward!" At the command, Jocelyn's wolf began striding forward as Jocelyn drew her sword.
"Or perhaps you would like to see the baby?" cooed Baba Lysaga, stepping aside to reveal a delicate crib containing an angelic child.
"In the name o' Helm!" cried Khralis, darting towards the door. "Did'ya steal tha' CHILD too?"
"No! The child is my own!" shrieked the witch, brandishing her staff defensively. "His name is Strahd, and he will one day rule over all this land!"
"So, wait," said Perri aside to Ricktavio, both leaning against the Giant skull outside. "Did we go back in time and now we can bump off baby Strahd and change the timeline?!"
"You fiend!" shouted Khralis angrily. "Ye know damn well tha' Strahd is the baron NOW! So tha' must be someone else's innocent baby!"
Using his thick frame, the Dwarf leapt off a low root and bodied the witch out of the way, lunging for the baby. But when his hands entered the crib, they swiped through nothing but empty air.
"Ach, it's an illsuion!" yelled Khralis over his shoulder. "There is no baby!"
"How... DARE YOU try to hurt Strahd!" bellowed Baba Lysaga, as a previously unseen swarm of insects crawled out of her ragged cloak. "But you cannot touch my child, no, no, no, I will be a better mother to him than [INSERT NAME OF REAL MOTHER OF STRAHD HERE]! I was the one who gave him his power, and he made the land of Barovia what it is today!"
"Barovia is a horrible, gloomy, scary, dangerous, evil place..." Jocelyn almost chanted as Ari trotted forward, picking up speed. "People are taken here against their will, and they're not allowed to leave..." Jocelyn's sword began to glow with holy light, before which even the darkness of Baba Lysaga seemed to flee. "And the undead abomination Strahd uses evil magic to beguile innocent people..."
Ari sprang forward, then suddenly planted her front paws. Jocelyn was ready for the move, vaulting off her wolf's back, sailing clean over Khralis's low stature.
"And you..." screamed Jocelyn as her sword burst into flame, "you are a TERRIBLE MOTHER!"
===
Jocelyn's sword hit home, eliciting a shriek from Baba Lysaga. Blood and mana and the exploded corpses of bugs flew across the room, as the witch's tattered robes caught fire. But undisturbed by the flames, she began to laugh, pointed one hand into a finger, and shook it at the young paladin.
"You have some fire within you, girl," taunted Baba, "but you'll soon feel the icy Finger of Death upon you!"
The witch's finger emitted a strong wave of negative energy that sent Jocelyn down to one knee as she tried to resist the necrotic energy of the spell. But as Baba advanced threateningly with her staff raised, angelic spirits of light emerged from Khralis's outstretched holy symbol. The left gauntlets of the spirits bore the likeness of a staring eye, the symbol of the god Helm, and they were upraised, ready to strike down on the witch.
Meanwhile, on the outside of the hut, Mia sprang into action as soon as Jocelyn attacked. Leaping from her hiding place, the rogue acrobatically climbed up onto the closest cage filled with ravens, which was suspended from the eaves of the house.
"If you're affiliated with this feather order," Mia mused through the squawking, as she attempted to pick the lock, "you might be able to help us in the fight."
But suddenly an earth-jolting tremor caused Mia to drop her thieves' tools to the forest floor, as the roots of the giant tree stump began to come alive. One root snaked up and latched on to the cage on the opposite side of Mia, and slammed the iron structure into the side of the hut. With an uncanny dodge, Mia was just barely able to avoid being squashed flat, and was still somehow hanging onto the cage despite her injuries.
"Get inside the house!" screamed Ricktavio, as Jocelyn's wolfen companion Ari was crushed by another large root. "It's the only way to get cover from that damn tree!"
"Screw the tree!" defied Perri, hopping up into the doorway. "The roots aren't made of silver, and I'm a werewolf, so they can't touch me. But this old hag inside is gonna run in Fear!"
Perri snarled and growled, but his form remained that of a diminutive gnome, rather than the toothed and clawed monstrosity he was expecting to transform into. The confusion distracted Perri from the spell he was about to cast, and a third giant root smashed into the Gnome's chest, sending him flying back towards the skull.
"Perri, your courage far outreaches your stature, my friend," complimented Ricktavio as he reached out his hand to help the gnome to his feet. Upon contact, their hands begin to glow. "You deserve as much protection against death as I can give you." And upon completing the spell, the Half Elf turned and ran towards the house, towards the sound of a sudden loud ringing noise.
"No one at home is going to believe THIS story," remarked Gallarain as he tossed away a spent chip of mica from the spell he just cast, which originated inside the hut and caught Baba full in the face. But as the witch opened her mouth to scream, instead they heard a mystic incantation, and she disappeared, leaving in her space a swarm of disgusting insects.
"Uh, guys?" cried Perri, as the skull he was leaning on slowly started to rise off the ground, as Baba Lysaga's form appeared inside. "We got a flying witch here!"
"NOW will you get inside the house, Perri?" shouted Ricktavio as he hopped up onto the doorway.
"I'm workin' on it, Ricky," responded Perri as he chugged as fast as his little Gnome legs would carry him.
===
Looking back to where the witch was standing inside the hut, Jocelyn noticed that Gallarain's shattering blast had completely broken away the floorboards, revealing a small alcove containing a green glowing gem.
"Khralis, remember when we fought the treant and recovered the first gem for the Martikov's?" asked Jocelyn.
"Like it wa' yesterdee," answered the Dwarf.
"It was yesterday," reminded Jocelyn, "And it had a similar gem inside it, that was presumably giving it power. We need to get this... EUGH!!!'
As the paladin reached her hand towards the stone, the wood splinters of the floorboards turned into animated sharp snapping teeth. Jocelyn was just able to interpose her shield between herself and her unnatural attacker, but then she got an idea.
"Khralis, I'm going to pry this open!" shouted Jocelyn, unbuckling her shield. "Try to reach the gem inside!"
"Uh, no thank ye', missy," replied Khralis timidly. "I dinnae have the best... reaction time?"
"Never mind, Khralis, I've got just the thing," exclaimed Mia as she flipped from the cage outside through the doorjamb. With an incantation and a flick of the wrist, Mia produced a floating spectral hand in the air above her, which then promptly vanished. Moments later, the green gem appeared to lift gently out of its toothy alcove, right past Jocelyn's shield, and into the outstretched palm of the arcane trickster.
But to everyone's surprise, the roots did not stop moving. Instead, the ground rumbled louder than before, as the roots began tearing at the roof of the house, trying to get at the intruders who disturbed the gem. And in that moment, with a shriek from Baba Lysaga, who now floated 30 feet in the air, a cloud of yellow-green fog emanated from the doorway to the hut.
The noses and mouths of our heroes, every one of whom was now seeking shelter inside, were permeated with the poison gas, and the effect was devastating.
"SCREW THIS!" screamed Perri, as he coughed and waved his hands in front of his face and stumbled outside. "I may not have my enhanced smell..." the wizard muttered as he focused his senses. "But I can still hear your stupid cackling..."
With a jerk of his head, Perri pointed his finger above him in the air and a bright streak shot from it through the fog. Perri couldn't see see where it ended up, but he could feel the heat from the low roar of flame that slowly blossomed into an explosion. No one in the house could see the result of the Fireball, but they heard the sound of Baba Lysaga's laughing get replaced by the sizzling of burning flesh. And then as the gas cleared, they saw the now-mundane giant skull slowly sink down to the floor.
===
 |
| http://imgur.com/gallery/LPmRv |
But unfortunately for Perri, the clearing of the gas meant that he was squarely in the sights (of sorts) of the three giant tree roots, which turned their attention from the hut. The Gnome smiled grimly as one root swung laterally and smashed him across the face. Perri just spit out some blood and his grin widened.
The second root swung straight down and looked as thought it would flatten Perri completely. But as it connected, a low rumbling sound emerged, and Ricktavio stumbled with the activation of his Death Ward.
"Is that all ya got?" smirked Perri.
The third root caught him clean under the chin and sent him flying off the porch of the house. From the house it was clear to see that the Gnome was still breathing, but roots showed no signs of stopping.
"Perri!" screamed Khralis, his healer instincts activating. "I'm comin' for ya!" The Dwarf leapt out of the house, but with the rumbling of the terrain, he stumbled before he could reach his companion. Then in a stunning display of selflessness, threw himself on the ground. "Take me instead, ya nasty tree!" shouted Khralis threateningly.
"What are you doing!?" yelled Ricktavio helplessly. Well, not exactly helplessly, as he also held out a small silver mirror and warded Perri's unconscious form from attack.
But the abjuration magic was not enough for the roots, which slammed into Perri with one massive hit, and extinguished the Gnome's life. Khralis barely had time to scream in horror as he was soon after knocked unconscious by a gigantic root of his own.
===
"Ugh, Dwarves make such bothersome travel companions," grumbled Gallarain as he sprung out of the house and nimbly dragged his companion back into the house. "Jocelyn, can you help him?"
Dropping her shield that she had just pulled loose from the floor-teeth, Jocelyn laid her hands on the Dwarf and healed him with her blessed touch. Khralis's eyes sprung open and he gasped for breath.
"DIAMONDS!" yelled Khralis hoarsely. "We've got ta find some diamonds! Where d'ye think the witch would hide her valuables!?"
"Khralis, this is hardly the time to look for loot!" screamed Gallarain incredulously, as the roots of the tree turned their attention back to the hut.
"Ye dinnae understand!" yelled Khrais as he rummaged through the witch's belongings. "I was visited by Helm in a dream lass' night -- it was when ye' all thought I was jus' oot behind the house drinkin' -- and he taught me a new spell to Revivify someone who's naught been dead but a minute -- but it needs lotsa diamonds to cast it!"
"And you really think there will be diamonds in this gods forsaken hut of a..." admonished Gallarain, but just then Khralis's eye fell on an ornate chest in the corner of the hut. "Uh, Khralis, maybe you should put that down, you don't know what..."
But as the overeager Dwarf heedlessly opened the lid, a loud explosion rang through the hut. Jocelyn was knocked back and immediately lost consciousness. And what's more, three disembodied hands leapt out of the chest and latched themselves onto Ricktavio.
Undeterred, Khralis crawled on his hands and knees towards the chest and started rummaging through its contents.
"Gold, nah. Scrolls, nah. Shiny black stone, could be useful later," the cleric remarked as he tossed the items out onto the floor. Then he let out a gasp. "EUREKA! I found it! Two, beautiful, shiny diamonds!"
But Khralis's celebration was cut short as a root tore through the roof of the hut. A light of madness sparkled in Ricktavio's eyes as he struggled against the mummified hands and lunged for Mia.
"The gem! We have to get it out! It's trying to..." but a hand clasped itself over the Half Elf's mouth and his eyes rolled back into his head as he fell to the floor.
"Wha' d'you suppose he was on aboot?" asked Khralis as he polished off one of his newly acquired diamonds and prepared to venture out to revive Perri.
"No, Khralis, stay here," proposed Mia, tucking the gem away in her belt pouch. "I'll drag him in for you."
But no sooner had Mia leapt outside and the gem passed the threshold of the door, the tree stump shuddered and the menacing roots all fell silent.
"Who knew, I guess we just had to take the gem outside the house," exclaimed Mia after she got her bearings. "Khralis, it's safe! Get out here and cast that fancy new spell of yours!"
Khralis peeked his head out the doorway to make sure the coast was clear, as Gallarain and Mia went about tending their other wounded party members. Khralis held aloft his diamond, which vanished in a puff of magical smoke, consumed by the powerful spell. With a small gasp, Perri returned to life, his eyes wild as if he had just awoken from some unremembered nightmare. He was weak and barely alive, but ready to continue the fight against Strahd.
Then, a little over three years after the last Booster Battle Packs were released, I was surprised to find that they had returned for Shadows over Innistrad last year! I picked up a couple of these for nostalgia's sake, and was equally surprised to see some pretty big changes. First of all, the two-color 20-card decks were replaced by mono-color 30-card decks, which means that you get a larger base selection in exchange of roughly half the available options of cards to add to the deck from the booster pack... which kind of cheapens the appeal of a BOOSTER battle pack, don't you think?
