Capricorn Goats
Although Capricorn has the second-fewest points of all the teams, those points are so top-heavy that they actually have one of the stronger lineups we've seen. Albert Pujols can anchor any offense, Michael Bourn is sure to score a lot of runs batting in front of him, and he's got some protection in his real-life former teammate Matt Holliday and power/speed threat Jeff Francoeur. Victor Martinez would have solidified the lineup if he weren't in line to miss all of 2012, but Hanley Ramirez could easily replace that production if he can mount a successful bounceback season. Cole Hamels leads a pitching staff that also includes Red Sox ace Jon Lester, Astros ace Wandy Rodriguez, Angels stalwart Ervin Santana, and young phenom Michael Pineda. Francisco Rodriguez still presumably has talent to close games, despite the fact that he'll be spending 2012 racking up holds rather than saves.
Taurus Bulls
At first glance, you would think Taurus's strength is their pitching, what with Roy Halladay, Josh Beckett, and Chris Carpenter filling the 1-2-3 spots in the rotation. But when you look at a lineup that includes Adrian Gonzalez, Prince Fielder, Josh Hamilton, Carlos Beltran, and Jayson Werth, you may be forced to change your tune. After bounceback candidate Joakim Soria, the bullpen features a couple of former closers: Neftali Feliz, who's moving to the rotation, and Francisco Cordero, who will be setting up for the Blue Jays, despite his strong 2011. They've also got a couple of breakout candidates in Matt Wieters and David Freese, and a very talented super-utility type in Emilio Bonifacio. I'll cap off this Taurus profile with Weird Al's faux-roscope from his song "Your Horoscope For Today"
Taurus: You will never find true happiness - whatcha gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep.
Virgo Maidens
It's no surprise that the sign with the most players also has the most total points scored. Their outfield is absolutely sick, with two MVP runners-up in Matt Kemp and Jacoby Ellsbury, and Justin Upton who finished 4th in the NL voting. They've also got a fair amount of power and speed in their 4th and 5th outfielders Chris Young and Brett Gardner. 1B Joey Votto could go toe-to-toe with any of the other three All-Star first basemen in the bracket, and having Gaby Sanchez backing him up isn't too shabby at all. The middle infield has two solid starters and two solid backups: Neil Walker and Rickie Weeks at 2B, and Elvis Andrus and Alexei Ramirez at SS. Weaknesses do exist at C and 3B where Rod Barajas /Nick Hundley and Ryan Roberts are the best choices, but overall there's more than enough offense to go around.
Cliff Lee is the staff ace, which means each of the three Earth Bracket starting staffs are led by a Phillies pitcher. Dan Haren could be an ace on most clubs and David Price started the All-Star game just one year ago. Gio Gonzalez's presence means the rotation will have more lefties than righties - a rare advantage indeed. They do have a slight weakness in the back-end of the bullpen with untested closer Ryan Madson, but he'll have plenty of support in lefties Antonio Bastardo and Sean Marshall, and Matt Capps, the Twins closer, will also be in the reliever mix. To close out this esteemed project of mine, I once again leave you with what Weird Al has to say about the Virgo sign:
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you.
Expect a big surprise today, when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick.
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