If you start counting at the beginning of the calendar year, the first sign you'll come across is Aquarius. Despite it having "aqua" in the name, Aquarius is an Air sign. If you continue counting, you'll see a pattern of Air, Fire, Water, and Earth signs, which repeats thrice, until you hit all 12 signs. Thus it only makes sense to follow this pattern with my analysis (even though Aries is technically the "first" astrological sign of the Zodiac). You'll notice, though, that inside each bracket I list the signs as they appear from Cardinal to Fixed to Mutable. You'll also notice that in place of my customary lineups, I've included graphics of the sort you might expect to see promoting each team on TV were this a nationally televised game (except quite a bit less professional...), each one featuring a representation of what the team's cap might look like using the Zodiac symbol glyph.
LIBRA SCALES
According to my research, the colors associated with Libra are pastels - light blue, pink, yellow - so I picked the recently re-branded Rays to represent them. Headlining this squad marked by decidedly un-intimidating colors are some of the most fearsome competitors in the sport today, including four starting All-Stars, three Silver Sluggers, the AL Cy Young runner up, and the guy who placed third in AL MVP voting. Those last two fellas (occupying the top left and top right spots of the graphic) are Jered Weaver and Jose Bautista. Robinson Cano and Troy Tulowitzki form one of the best (if not the best [see below]) middle infield combinations of the tournament. Michael Young, who spent most of the 2011 season as DH for the Rangers, will man 1B for our purposes (we're not talking about a full season after all). Carlos Gonzalez, Tulo's teammate on the Rockies, and Andrew McCutchen of the Pirates round out the rest of the outfield. And the team wouldn't be complete without an actual member of the real life Rays: Evan Longoria at 3B.
You'll see the team's No. 2 starter, Matt Cain, on the graphic, and following him on the depth chart is Zack Greinke, who in typical Libra fashion, has overcome his anxiety disorder to such a degree that he's agreed to act as his own agent. Closing games will be Heath Bell, newly signed by the newly moved Marlins, but if he falters, the Scales have a stacked bullpen behind him made up of closers Joel Hanrahan and Carlos Marmol, and soon-to-be-closer Kenley Jansen. To give you an idea of where this team stands compared to its direct competition, all the players listed except Cano, Gonzalez, and Bell are tops at their positions in the bracket. To give you an idea of this team's depth, they have a trio of very talented outfielders - Ichiro Suzuki, Drew Stubbs, and Seth Smith - competing for the DH spot.
AQUARIUS WATER-CARRIERS
As un-intimidating as are the colors for Libra, so is the name for Aquarius - the difference is, this team's lineup shares those characteristics. This team is represented by the Mariners, whose color scheme most closely corresponds to the turquoise color associated with the sign. The team's biggest offensive threat is Alex Gordon, and he had his only productive season in 2011 after following in the tradition of 3B prospects moving to LF when they can't really play 3B. He's joined by All-Stars Lance Berkman, who rebounded nicely with the Cardinals after slumping the previous year, and Alex Avila, who wowed everyone in Detroit and justified using Victor Martinez primarily at DH. Berkman moves back to 1B (as he will in real life) to open up a corner outfield spot for Josh Willingham. Austin Jackson will play CF and lead off... which should give you an idea of how unimpressive the Aquarius squad looks.
I put Hiroki Kuroda on the graphic because, unlike the team's highest-scoring pitcher Doug Fister, Kuroda has proved he can sustain productivity over more than one season. Johnny Cueto had a strong season and Jair Jurrjens has potential if he can avoid injury, but again, not very impressive. If this were 2010, the story would be a little different, with the likes of Ubaldo Jimenez and Josh Johnson... but alas, a new year brings a new set of statistics. Remember how Libra has three closers on the roster? Well Aquarius doesn't even have one, entrusting the 9th inning to Tyler Clippard.
GEMINI TWINS
The consensus online was that Gemini is associated with the color yellow, so I matched them to the Pirates... although it was very hard to resist the temptation to just link them with the actual Twins and be done with it. Remember the debate over the best middle infield combination? Well Ian Kinsler and Jose Reyes definitely give the Libras a run for their money. This combo almost didn't happen, since if Kinsler's birthday should classify him as a Cancer, but cusps are funny things, and Baseball Almanac classifies him as a Gemini. Kinsler's unexpected arrival pushes Ben Zobrist to his secondary position of RF, which should make him no less effective with the bat. On the infield corners are two players who didn't play those positions in 2011, but Jhonny Peralta played primarily 3B the two previous seasons and Carlos Lee is becoming better suited for 1B now anyway.
After two legitimate stars at SP1 and CL (Tim Lincecum and NL ROY Craig Kimbrel respectively), the pitching staff drops off dramatically. Starters two thru five ranked last in their bracket, and although the bullpen does feature two additional closers, Fernando Salas is due to be replaced on the Cardinals by Jason Motte and Andrew Bailey found himself traded after struggling with injuries in 2011. In years past, this offense would look much more impressive, featuring such fading stars as Manny Ramirez, Miguel Tejada, and Travis Hafner, but put mildly, this Gemini team did not age particularly well.
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