30 Teams in 30 Days 2018 03 Houston Astros

Team 3 of 30 in 30 is the reigning world champion Houston Astros. Everything I've read predicts that they'll repeat as AL West champions, and it's not particularly close. So let's take a look at their projected lineup and be amazed at their glory:

All Acquired Factor

There's an old adage about what not to do to something that ain't broke, and that applies to the fact that 100% of the Astros starting lineup and bench are returning players from last year. The only major addition to the club was in the starting rotation, which added another ace to a staff that already had two, in homegrown Capricorn Dallas Keuchel and a full season of Justin Verlander, his first such season away from the Tigers. Houston picked up Gerrit Cole rather cheap from the Pirates, as he was coming off a down year and because his former team was in firesale mode.

This move allowed Charlie Morton (119 on MLB.com, and with a fastball consistently in the high 90s today) to drop down to Fifth Starter, and pushes starting caliber pitchers Brad Peacock (283) and Collin McHugh (323) into a revamped Bullpen. These two, along with former Llong Rreliever Chris Devenski (260) and Mmiddle Rreliever Will Harris (395) would technically share the Yankees distinction of 5 RP's in the top 400, but I don't know if I want to count qualified starters in the runnings.

The bullpen is also the site of the only other additions to the Active Roster (formerly known as the 25-Man Roster, but I'm tryina be more gender neutral this year). These two unranked MR types won't light up radar guns or fantasy leaderboards, but former Cubs closer Hector Rondon and well-traveled sidearmer Joe Smith should help deepen a bullpen that gave manager A.J. Hinch fits during last postseason. Speaking of which, this was the first year that I read Grant Brisbee's baseball preview over at SBNation, and I literally laughed out loud when I read this passage about a typical Hinch World Series mound visit, much to the amusement of any coworkers within earshot:

Last October, you could practically hear A.J. Hinch sobbing with regret during every trip to the mound. Instead of motioning to his left or right hand as he walked out, he would simply become a human shrug emoticon. By the end of the World Series, I was half expecting him to not stop at the mound and continue walking, through the open center field gate, out of the ballpark, and straight down the middle of the highway, cars honking and swerving to avoid him, until he reached the ocean, any ocean, and slowly walked underneath the waves, where there are no relievers.

Fantasy Astrology Relevance

Well that previous section kind of took care of three different sections, didn't it? As far as the cosmos is concerned, the Astros are strongly Virgo-centric, with four members of the active roster being starters for the "Maidens" - above-mentioned Gerrit Cole in the rotation, star shortstop Carlos Correa (who's apparently dealing with a bout of "turf toe" or something), centerfield eligible George Springer, and regular-season-only closer Ken Giles. If Correa is down for any length of time, 3B Alex Bregman could extend his SS eligibility, which would greatly benefit the Aries "Rams." And if there's one player who can return the Taurus "Bulls" to relevance, it's Jose Altuve, who seems to improve every year he's in the league. Also he was just signed to a more-fair-than-his-last-deal extension - I don't know if career stability is fantasy relevant, but you never know: baseball is all about intangibles, right?

Rankings Changes

First Baseman Yuli Gurriel fell in the rankings immediately after he underwent surgery on his hamate bone, but that's not why he's on the Restricted List to start the season. No, that's thanks to an offensive gesture he made to Japanese pitcher Yu Darvish after hitting a home run off him in the World Series. (Speaking of offensive, is there a gender-neutral term for the three "Basemen?" As far as I know, that's what they're referred to even in women's softball.) Gurriel actually made a quicker than expected recovery from his hand surgery and did not require a trip to the DL, otherwise he would have served his suspension after being reactivated. As it stands, he's slated to return to the active roster today.

Song

Houston - Dean Martin version

I've never actually been to a game at Minute Maid Park, so I don't know what they play after an Astros victory. I'd be surprised if it was this one, since the main character experiences nothing but misfortune, even if Dean Martin sings it like he's on top of the world. The Rat Pack member's version is jauntier and more energetic overall, but I do think Sanford Clark's original recording of the Lee Hazelwood tune has a superior harmonica solo.

Colossus

This team has three clear areas of strength: a starting rotation packed with quality aces, a bullpen that has both electricity and length (due to a surplus of starters), and a lineup that's packed with potential All-Stars from top to bottom. There's only one boss in Shadow of the Colossus with a similar three-tiered structure: the final one, #16, also known as Malus. First you have to navigate through his arena, hiding behind structures and ducking into underground tunnels, all while the humongous mage shoots fireballs at you (i.e. well-located pitches in the zone). Then once you get close enough, you have to scale all the way to the top of the stone skirt he's wearing, which is itself taller than all the other bi-pedal Colossi in the game (i.e. a bridge from the starters to the late innings). Then once you reach his soft, vulnerable bits, you have to precariously balance on different parts of his torso to hit no fewer than four specific weak spots, all without falling from a dizzying height (i.e. pitching selectively to a powerful lineup, lest you get taken deep in the process). Too literal an interpretation? Whatever, I still think it's valid.