All-MLB Player Union Rep Team 2019-20

In honor of Netflix's The Irishman - which, if you haven't defied Martin Scorsese and streamed it on your phone yet, centers on Jimmy Hoffa's tenure atop the International Brotherhood of Teamsters - I'm going to take a deep dive into the players at the forefront of Major League Baseball's collective bargaining union: the MLB Player's Association. The terrific website MLB Trade Rumors dot com recently profiled the known player representatives for each team, with the caveat that some information is incomplete and/or subject to change. But given this snapshot, I thought it would be fun to organize these labor-minded players into a projected roster and see what it might look like. Here's the list, with player entries taken from my MLB 2019 database, sorted by position:

The first thing to notice is the abundance of shortstops in the player pool. What, a guy is named the "captain of the infield," and all of a sudden he thinks he can speak for his team in labor matters? The next thing I want to mention are the six stray players at the bottom. The first group is former player reps who no longer play for the team that they once represented. The second group are pension committee reps (with one alternate) who aren't also affiliated with a team. So without further ado, let's analyze a potential All-Player's Union Roster!

At the front of the starting rotation, Max Scherzer has not only been one of the most successful player of the last decade (because all-decade stuff is cool for another four days, right?), but also one of the most outspoken, making him a good leader for both on and off-field issues. Following him is recently-acquired Yankees lefty James Paxton, the man known as "Big Maple," due to his large stature and Canadian ancestry, who provides the perspective of a north-of-the-border hurler. Another pair of lefties, Marco Gonzales, of Paxton's former Mariners team, and Andrew Heaney, who plays in Anaheim, are just starting to come into their own. It would be a lot easier to round out this rotation if we could dip into the former player reps - Chase Anderson used to represent the Brewers, but he was traded to the Blue Jays this offseason. Otherwise we'd have to bank on a super-early return to health for Pirates once and future ace Jameson Taillon's elbow.

The pool for the all union bullpen (can we just start calling this team the Unions?) is made up of 75 percent Geminis. Matt Barnes was once considered the Red Sox closer heir-apparent, after the departure of Craig Kimbrel, but before the emergence of Brandon Workman. Andrew Miller was once considered one of the game's top lefty relievers, but could his chronic overuse in the 2016 postseason have hampered his future potential? There's no choice but to draw from the Executive Sub-Committee here, where Collin McHugh adds some length to the staff, as he has had both starting and relief experience in his career with the Astros. However, McHugh is only an Alternate member of the Pension Committee; full member Cory Gearrin was little more than a bit player in terms of 2019 fantasy points.

Not only do the Unions have access to three catchers, but the top two are uniquely suited to a platoon arrangement - Tucker Barnhart is a left-handed hitter known for his defensive prowess, while Tyler Flowers is a bat-first righty. Rounding out Gearrin's co-rep on the pension sub-committee, veteran free agent Chris Iannetta would be great to have in the proverbial labor minor leagues - or just as a third catcher. A roster can have a little third catcher, as a treat. Going by POS and PTS, Phillies slugging first baseman Rhys Hoskins would be the best bet to put up the most points at his customary position. You'll notice that there are technically no qualified second basemen in the player pool, but we can draw from our bumper crop of shortstops. My best solution would be to move Athletics MVP candidate, and highest-scoring All-Union player, Marcus Semien to the keystone, with Indians trade candidate Francisco Lindor remaining at short.

Speaking of Lindor, the Puerto Rican-born "Mr. Smile" is one of only three Latin American born players in the All-Union talent pool. The other two: both Venezuelan shortstops: Rangers veteran Elvis Andrus (from Maracay) and Marlins superutility type Miguel Rojas (Los Teques). Moving around the horn to third base, Kris Bryant is the top eligible point scorer there (no matter when he eventually becomes a free agent), but if you've skipped ahead to the dearth of outfield options, you'll see that he's needed in the grass. The good news is that leaves the hot corner for Justin Turner, whose 2020 position could be in flux, depending on whether the Dodgers score a big trade for an infielder. (Maybe Lindor, anyone? What would be the competitive advantage of hoarding player union reps?)

At the end of the official team reps, you'll see Michael Conforto of the Mets, the only eligible primary outfielder - who luckily also has secondary eligibility in center field, where he needs to play. Bryant can occupy another corner (let's call it right field), but how do we round out the outfield mix? Should we return to shortstop? Surely either Andrus or defensive whiz Nick Ahmed has the athletic ability to handle left field, despite a TOTAL lack of MLB experience for each one. We could look at Hoskins's 2018 as the primary left fielder in Philadelphia, but  we can all agree that experiment didn't go too well - even though that arrangement would leave 1B in the capable hands of the veteran lefty Daniel Murphy. But a more traditional solution lies in the former player reps. Gold Glove left fielder Alex Gordon used to speak for the Royals, before he hit free agency, and the consensus is that he'll either retire, or re-sign with Kansas City, in which case he would presumably return to his union rep role because why not? I hope the Aquarius outfielder comes back, because, to paraphrase Hanibal Lector, the league's more interesting with Gordon in it.


If you take into account Taillon's injury, which will likely keep him out of action until the summer, there are exactly enough confirmed union-related MLB'ers to make a 25-player roster. (Never mind that the limit is going up to an even (yet somehow infinitely less satisfying) 26 players next year.) I have no idea how a team like this would perform in a simulation against the rest of the league. (I recently had to uninstall MLB19 to make room on my PS4 for MK11, so I can't run the numbers myself.) But with so many players accustomed to life at the negotiating table, I'll bet the clubhouse chemistry would be off the charts... in one direction or another.

Star Wars: The Story of the Films So Far

As my wife and I contemplated seeing the latest Star War tonight, she says, "Sure, but I won't have any idea what's going on."

"That's OK, I'll tell you," I respond. But then started wondering at what a truly daunting task that was. Here's what I came up with:

* Star Wars: Episode 4 (1977) 

Back when it was released, it didn't have the subtitle "A New Hope," because they didn't flipping know that there were gonna be eight more of these things. It describes the conflict between the Empire, the evil rulers of the galaxy, and the Rebellion, who are fighting against them. Princess Leia is on a secret Rebel mission, but about to be caught by Darth Vader, the top enforcer for the Empire. At the last minute, she entrusts two droids, R2-D2 and C-3PO, with the maguffin: information about a secret Imperial weapon called the Death Star.

Artoo and Threepio head to a nearby desert planet to look for help - specifically an old ally Obi-Wan Kenobi. Instead, the droids run into Luke Skywalker, an orphan farmer who is a friend of "Ben" Kenobi, and takes them to him. Obi-Wan explains that R2 has important information about a big time Rebel mission, which Old Ben can't do himself, so he recruits Luke into joining him... but only after Imerpial troops slaughter Luke's family.

Luke and Obi-Wan enlist the help of Han Solo, a pilot/smuggler, and his first mate Chewbacca, who take them to their destination on their ship, the Millennium Falcon. The gang complete a daring rescue of Princess Leia, but Obi-Wan sacrifices himself in the process, throwing a lightsaber fight against Darth. Luke leads a heroic charge to destroy the Death Star and that's the end of movie number one.

* Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Some time later, the Empire discovers the new Rebel base, and our heroes are forced to evacuate. Luke follows a message from the ghost of Obi-Wan, and heads to meet up with Jedi Master Yoda, to learn the ways of the Force. Meanwhile, Han, Leia, Chewie, and 3PO are chased by Darth Vader to Cloud City, where Han seeks shelter with his friend Lando Calrissian. However, Lando makes a deal with Darth, and betrays his friends.

Luke, using his new Jedi Divination powers, gets visions of Han and Leia in trouble. He recklessly heads off to help them, against the wishes of Yoda and Ben's ghost, and is too late to help them anyway. Han gets frozen in carbonite and sold to the bounty hunter Boba Fett, but Lando double crosses Vader in order to help Leia and Chewie escape. Luke confronts Vader, who defeats our hero in a lightsaber duel, and then delivers the big reveal: "I am your father!"

* Episode 6: The Return of the Jedi (1983)

Frozen Han is in the custody of Jabba the Hutt, the gang launches a daring rescue mission, and that's all we need to say about that. Luke returns to Yoda to talk about the new shit that has come to light, Yoda confirms that Darth is Luke's dad, then dies. Later, the ghost of Obi-Wan explains that Vader used to be his student, Anakin Skywalker, who turned to the dark side. Then he delivers another big reveal: that Leia is Luke's twin sister!

Luke gives Leia the news while they're both on a mission to destroy... you guessed it, another Death Star. (They've already run out of ideas by the third movie, and there's six more coming!?) Luke surrenders and tries to convince Vader to abandon the dark side, but Vader turns him over to his boss, the Emperor. He reveals that the whole thing with the Death Star II was a trap to lure the rebels in, and to make Luke watch while they get destroyed!

However, Leia befriends the cuddly Ewoks, who help the Rebels turn the tides and defeat the Imperial army. Meanwhile, Luke almost succumbs to his anger, and defeats Darth in a duel. However, he makes his Wisdom saving throw, and refuses to turn to the dark side. The Emperor then goes to plan B, attacking Luke with force lightning! Vader, seeing his boss about to kill his son, lifts up the Emperor and tosses him off a railing, presumably to his death. Darth has a touching moment of redemption with Luke, who then burns his old armor on a pyre.

* Episode 1: The Phantom Menace (1999)

Probably about 30 years before the events of ANH, a young Obi-Wan and his boss Qui-Gon Jin are on some diplomatic mission for the Republic. They help the local Queen, Padme Amidala, who is disguised as one of her handmaidens, escape from an invasion, but end up stranded on Tatooine, the same desert planet where we met Luke in Episode 4. Qui-Gon meets young slave Anakin Skywalker (who in the movies is like nine, but the story probably would have made more sense if he was closer to 15), and finds that Anakin is very strong with the Force (and let's leave it at that).

They escape and go to the Republic's homeworld, where Padme fails to get support for her planet. At the same time, the Jedis take Anakin to the Jedi headquarters, where Qui-Gon requests to take on Anakin as an apprentice. Yoda refuses, however, saying that Anakin has too much anger, and is prone to corruption from the Dark Side. But Qui-Gon defies Yoda, and takes Anakin back with them to Padme's home planet to help stave off the invasion. Qui-Gon ends up getting killed by Darth Maul in the climactic end battle (who is later killed by Obi-Wan), leaving Obi-Wan in charge of Anakin's Jedi education.

* Episode 2: Attack of the Clones (2002?) 

10 years after Episode 1, Anakin and Obi-Wan are a Jedi comedy team that's down on their luck. Padme is now a senator in the Republic, and she's engaged in a power struggle with Palpatine, who is also kind-of-secretly a bad guy who we all know will eventually go on to become the Emperor. Anakin is assigned guard duty to Padme, and they eventually fall in love and get married, but not before Anakin sees his mother get killed by some desert-planet bad guys, and it messes him up good.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan investigates a clone army, which is I guess was spearheaded by Palpatine? I think he convinced the Republic senate to authorize it by coming up with a false flag operation? Also the clones are based on Boba Fett's dad? Also Yoda is very good at jumping and fighting with a lightsaber, even though he can barely walk two movies later? I didn't pay much attention in this one.

* Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith (2005?)

Anakin starts working with Palpatine somehow - I think it's because Anakin was getting Force-visions of Padme dying in childbirth, and Palpatine reveals himself as the Sith Lord Darth Sidious, and convinces Anakin that the Dark Side can prevent Padme's death. Meanwhile, in the senate, Palpatine seizes control of the clone army, and uses them to kill most of the exisitng Jedi. Notably Yoda and Obi-Wan escape, the latter of which confronts Anakin and tries to turn him away from his evil path, but from Anakin's point of view the JEDI are the ones who are evil.

Obi-Wan defeats Anakin, bisecting him and leaving him for dead. Padme does in fact die in childbirth, after giving birth to twins Luke and Leia, whom Obi-Wan decides to separate and hide from the newly-crowned Emperor. Speaking of which, Palpatine resuscitates Anakin, puts him in some Darth Vader-model life-support armor, and breaks the news of Padme's death in the least chill way possible.

* Episode 7: The Force Awakens (2015) 

Some 30 years after the original trilogy, the political situation is exactly the same as it was at the start of the original trilogy, only it's the First Order instead of the Empire, and the Resistance instead of the Rebellion. We meet Poe Dameron, a Resistance pilot doing a super secret mission on a desert planet (but don't worry, it's a DIFFERENT desert planet). Poe receives a map to the location of Luke Skywalker, who has gone missing, and stores it inside his droid BB-8. However, Poe's secret mission is interrupted by a guy in black with a red lightsaber, with Kylo Ren playing Darth Vader to Poe's Princess Leia.

BB-8 runs into Rey, just like how R2-D2 ran into Luke, but this one is totally different because R2 was BLUE and BB-8 is ORANGE. Meanwhile, Poe gets interrogated/tortured on Kylo's ship, until he is saved by Finn, a Stormtrooper who has a change of heart. Finn and Poe escape to the desert planet, but Poe is presumed dead in the crash. Finn tracks down Rey and BB-8, and the three of them escape in the Millennium Falcon, which is coincidentally in a scrapyard on this very planet.

Han Solo and Chewie track down the Falcon and befriend our heroes, helping them escape the First Order. On a random planet where they're hiding out, Rey stumbles on Luke's old blue lightsaber, which is also Anakin's old blue lightsaber, but is then captured by Kylo Ren. Han, Chewie, and Finn are rescued by Poe, who it turns out is not dead after all, who takes them to meet the Resistance leader General Leia. There it's revealed that Han and Leia, who had the hots for each other and the end of the first trilogy, did get together. The partnership didn't last, but they did have a son together, whom they named Ben, but who subsequently changed it himself to... you guessed it: Kylo Ren.

Finn, Han, and Chewie travel to the First Order's superweapon, which is totally different than the first movie, because that one was called the Death STAR, and this one is called StarKILLER. They make a daring rescue attempt, with Han sacrificing himself in the process - he confronts Kylo/Ben and tries to convince him to turn away from the dark side, but Kylo's demons win out, and he kills his own father. Finn and Rey escape after taking turns fighting Kylo with a lightsaber (Rey does better than Finn). The movie ends with Rey showing up at Luke Skywalker's private island.

* Episode 8: The Last Jedi (2017)

Luke doesn't want to train Rey in the ways of the Jedi, because he tried that once before and it failed miserably. The result of this failure is Kylo Ren, one of Luke's pupils who turned to the Dark Side, just like Anakin did when he was being trained by Obi-Wan. Luke recognizes the futility of the same patterns arising over and over again in this story, and decides to break from tradition. However, Rey is convinced that she can somehow convince Kylo to turn back (much like how Luke tried to turn Vader in ROTJ), and goes to confront him.

Meanwhile, Poe, Finn, and Leia are being chased by the First Order. Poe is unhappy with Resistance leadership, so he stages a mutiny and sends Finn and his new mechanic friend Rose out on a daring mission to save the Resistance fleet... which fails miserably. Poe learns a valuable lesson about not being reckless, and to trust the decisions of strong female leaders. Back to Rey, it ALMOST seems like she convinced Kylo to come back to the light side, when he betrays and kills his boss Supreme Leader Snoke (basically the new trilogy's version of the Emperor). However, Kylo clarifies that he was just staging a coup, and now sits at the top of the First Order hierarchy.

Rey escapes back to the remainder Resistance, hiding out in an old abandoned base, but Kylo has them cornered. He's about to obliterate them, when who should show up to save the day, but Luke. The bad guys' weapons can't harm him, and Kylo eventually realizes that Luke was using the 7th level Dungeons and Dragons spell Project Image to make an illusory duplicate of himself, acting as a distraction to give the Resistance enough time to escape. However, the effort of casting such an advanced version of the spell was too much for Luke (its usual range is 500 miles, but Luke was on a completely different planet!), who fails his Constitution saving throw, and dies.

* Episode 9: The Rise of Skywalker (2019) 

And here we are! I've avoided trailers and spoilers as much as possible, and luckily the opinions I've seen on the movie are so split down the middle that I haven't even gotten a sense of what it might be like. Although I guess split down the middle is another way of saying 50/50, which is a pretty bad score on Rotten Tomatoes... But we were all fans of The Saga Begins, so I'm excited to see how the saga ends.

All-Star Baseball 2001 - 20 years later

As I was rooting around the video games in my old room at my parents' house this Thanksgiving season, I realized that we are approaching the 20-year anniversary of the second-greatest baseball video game of all time: All-Star Baseball 2001 from Acclaim Sports. While the title would suggest that we won't hit that milestone until 2021, ASB01 was actually released prior to the 2000 MLB season, based on stats from 1999. (Remember that the naming conventions of sports games were a little wonky until 2006 - that's why you have both MLB 2006 and MLB 06: The Show released in back-to-back years for the same franchise.) Since my Nintendo 64 miraculously still works, and we still have a lot of offseason ahead of us, I thought this would be a good opportunity to extend my Astrology Baseball project into the previous decade... not to mention the previous MILLENNIUM.

In addition to featuring state of the art polygonal graphics and a hauntingly catchy menu song, ASB01 provides letter grades for each of the 1,092 players in the game, with just 32 of which earning the coveted A+ mark. I'll go over each of those players here, noting which sign they belong to, and touching on the overall Astrology landscape as baseball prepared to enter the 2000's. This should be enough to tide you over until I manage to create Astrology-themed rosters and simulate an entire season, using patented Controller Pak technology.

Three different signs had exactly five players with A+ grades, but I'm starting with Scorpio because their crop of A-plusses is by far the most impressive. Red Sox ace Pedro Martinez actually finished second overall in '99 fantasy points, but he did lead all MLB in points per game (minimum 40 innings) en route to the AL Cy Young award. I guess the game developers didn't think Pedro's real-life pitch mix was scary enough, because they replaced his changeup with a devastating screwball, which breaks just like his curve, but in the opposite direction. Joining Martinez in the Scorpions rotation is Phillies starter (and generally despicable human being) Curt Schilling, whose points-per-game average would have put his total in the 2,200 - 2,300 range if he had pitched a full season. (Five years before the "bloody sock" incident, Schilling was plagued with shoulder inflammation in '99 that eventually led to offseason surgery.)

Moving to the offensive side, the October/November team is led by centerfielder Ken Griffey Jr., who missed his third consecutive 50-home run season by just two, although he still led the AL in that category. In the game, Griffey appears on the roster of the Cincinnati Reds, following a February 2000 trade from the Seattle Mariners in exchange for Mike Cameron and Brett Tomko, among others. Another offseason trade victim, outfielder Shawn Green took his power/speed combo (42 HR, 20 SB) from Toronto to Los Angeles, in what was the first blockbuster trade that I remember having an effect on my baseball life. ("With Raul Mondesi on the Blue Jays, we won't hear any more chants of RAUUUUUUUL at Dodger Stadium!?") In a roster-construction note, when I build these simulated lineups, I will likely put Green at first base, even though he didn't play there regularly until 2004, because SCO also has the likes of Griffey, Sammy Sosa (the sign's fifth A+ player), Gary Sheffield, Dante Bichette, and Johnny Damon available for the outfield/DH slots.

Sagittarius has the same amount of A+ players as the sign that precedes it on the calendar, but SAG's group totaled about 2,000 fewer fantasy points than SCO's in 1999. That's not to take anything away from Rangers catcher Ivan Rodriguez, who won the AL MVP award that year, with a 35-HR, 25 SB season. Pudge also took home the seventh of his ten consecutive Gold Gloves, and the sixth of six consecutive Silver Sluggers behind the plate. Or Rockies slugging right fielder Larry Walker, who led the NL in all three "triple slash" categories (.379 AVG, .458 OBP, .710 SLG) as well as OPS (obviously). Of course, Walker only made it into 127 games that year, and the rarefied air of the pre-humidor Coors Field might have had something to do with his production, but he's a top tier talent nonetheless. Rounding out the A+ hitters for the Archers is Astros second baseman Craig Biggio, whose inclusion really dates the piece, given that his son Cavan just made his debut this past season for the Blue Jays at his father's old position. Speaking of Sagittarius dads, Ivan's son Dereck Rodriguez came up a season prior as a pitcher for the Giants, but he struggled through a sophomore slump in 2019.

Moving to the pitching side, we have two Hall of Famers who were teammates on the Yankees for eight years. Last year, Mariano Rivera became the first player to be unanimously voted into the Hall following a career as one of the most effective and decorated relief pitchers of all time. While the ASB01 engine does not include a cut fastball, which was Mo's signature pitch, the game still finds ways to make him just as unhittable as he was in real life. Starter Mike Mussina was still with the Orioles, his original team, when this game was released, but he would sign a free agent contract with the Yankees the very next year, and stay there through his retirement in 2008. Despite finishing out the back half of a Hall of Fame career in New York, would you believe that 1999 was the last time Moose made an All-Star team in his career?

Of the five Leo players who earned an A+ rating from All-Star Baseball 2001, the majority of them have dealt with serious performance enhancing drug issues in their illustrious careers. Going by 1999 fantasy points, Mariners shortstop Alex Rodriguez nearly cracked 2,500 points on the year, despite playing in only 129 games due to knee surgery. Later he would be suspended the entire 2014 season stemming from his ties to the Biogenesis scandal. Giants left fielder Barry Bonds also suffered through an injury-shortened 1999 season, as he was limited to 102 games after surgery to repair a torn triceps tendon and bone spur. While his career didn't extend into the era where it was actually illegal to use steroids, his well-publicized link to them has kept Bonds and his thicc neck out of the Hall of Fame, despite holding the all-time records for home runs and walks. Yankees starting pitcher Roger Clemens is the most curious A+ player in the game, as his 1999 season (his first in New York) was decidedly pedestrian: a 14-10 record, 4.60 ERA, 7.8 K/9, and 4.3 BB/9 over 30 starts and 187.2 innings. I guess he was still dining out on his consecutive AL Cy Young awards in '97 and '98 with the Blue Jays. As far as his ties to PED's, Clemens was famously named in the 2007 Mitchell Report, which was released just months after what would prove to be The Rocket's final season.

Now moving to the (ostensibly) clean players, we have Boston shortstop Nomar Garciaparra, who won the AL batting title in 1999 (the first of two consecutive times he would take home the crown, but we couldn't possibly know that at the time this game was released). When putting these rosters together, Nomar's presence will push A-Rod over to third base, where he would later play for the majority of his time with the Yankees, starting in 2004. Interestingly enough, this Lions team will likely consist of an all-shortstop infield, as Edgar Renteria of the Cardinals will occupy second base. Leo's final A+ player is Astros closer Billy Wagner, who leads a lights-out bullpen that also includes A-grade relievers John Wetteland, Troy Percival, and Jeff Zimmerman, not to mention B+ closer Danny Graves.

Remember how Pedro Martinez finished second overall in 1999 fantasy points? He was eclipsed only by NL Cy Young winner Randy Johnson, in his first year with the Diamondbacks (but his 35th year representing Virgo). The Big Unit would go on to win the next three Cy Youngs, in addition to taking home a World Series title in 2001, where he shared WS MVP honors with fellow ASB01 A+ starter Curt Schilling. During this simulation, Johnson will pitch to an A+ catcher (and fellow Hall of Famer) Mike Piazza, who finally settled in New York for '99 after splitting the previous year between the Dodgers, Marlins, and Mets. To round things out, Virgo has two A+ outfielders who had polar opposite career tracks: Albert Belle was known for his volatile personality and played for three different teams in his career ('99 was his first with the Orioles), while Bernie Williams had a charming, soft-spoken demeanor, and spent his entire playing days with the Yankees.

Remember how Barry Bonds has been frozen out of the Hall of Fame despite holding a monumental home run record? The same is true for Libra slugger Mark McGwire, who was the first major leaguer to hit 70 home runs, which he did in 1998, breaking Roger Maris's long-standing record of 61* in the process. (There's not footnote corresponding to that asterisk, it was just a reference to the Billy Crystal TV movie of the same name.) There was never really any doubt that Big Mac was juicing, but the ASB01 developers don't care how you become great, just whether or not you have A+ level talent. Joining him in a power-packed Scales lineup is outfielder Juan Gonzalez, who went from the Rangers to the Tigers in a blockbuster trade following the game's platform '99 season. Libra's last A+ player actually did make it into the Hall of Fame, as there are no steroid accusations tainting the career of longtime Padres closer Trevor Hoffman, despite a '99 season that was more excellent than otherworldtly.

Three different signs had two A+ players, but only Gemini boasts two 3,000 point scorers among them. Astros first baseman and leader of the "Killer B's" Jeff Bagwell had such a great 1999 (he played in all 162 games and had a 40-30 season, while leading the NL in runs and walks) that he pushes fellow Hall of Fame first baseman Frank Thomas to the DH slot. Speaking of the Hall of Fame, Indians right fielder Manny Ramirez has been the victim of a PED-related freezeout, similar to Bonds, McGwire, Clemens, et al. Despite Aquarius's status as a perennial fantasy astrology bottom-feeder, the sign does boast some impressive talent at the top of its depth chart. Roberto Alomar was at the top of his power/speed game in '99 (although the jury is out on whether Manny's PED influence might have spread around the Cleveland clubhouse) and Vladimir Guerrero was in his prime as one of the game's best pure hitters. Aries has the curious distinction of having two A+ players who each failed to eclipse 1,800 fantasy points in 1999: Phillies third baseman Scott Rolen played in only 112 games after his season ended in August because of a back injury, but Hall of Fame Braves starter Greg Maddux has no excuse, having pitched 219.1 innings over 33 starts.

Of the four signs that had just one A+ player each, Taurus leads the charge with NL MVP winner Chipper Jones, one of six players who scored more than 3,000 points during the 1999 season. In a funny side note, despite Chipper's career-high 45 home runs and 1.074 OPS that season, the Braves third baseman was not named to the All-Star team, the only time he was snubbed between 1996 and 2001. Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter was the face of the All-Star Baseball video game franchise from 1998 through its end in 2005. 1999 was arguably the Cancer Crab's finest season, as Cap'n Jeets put up career highs in runs, hits, homers, and all three triple-slash line categories. Speaking of people who are the face of things, Pisces pitcher Kevin Brown made the cover of the 1999 Sports Illustrated baseball preview issue, after signing a seven-year, $105 million contract with the Dodgers, the first ever nine-figure contract in MLB history. Rounding out ASB01's A+ players is Mariners designated hitter Edgar Martinez, who didn't have a phenomenal '99 season (although he did lead the AL in OBP) and offers nothing in terms of defensive value (he managed only five games at first base that year), but it's nevertheless fascinating that all 12 astrological signs have at least one A+ representative.


So there you have it, a 20-year retrospective into the underlying statistics behind All-Star Baseball 2001, one of the best baseball video games of all time. As it happens, in the same trip back home where I rediscovered my N64, I also found a copy of MLB 10: The Show for PS2 lying around. Remember, by the time of that game's release, the titles of baseball video games had changed to reflect the year of the upcoming season, which means I have the means to do both a 20-year AND a 10-year retrospective as we approach the 2020 season. I guess I know what I'm doing with my weekend now...

Astrology Players Changing Signs 2019

As perhaps the internet's foremost researcher into Fantasy Astrology Baseball (prove me wrong, people!) I was recently quite disturbed to discover that the resource I had been using to determine star signs of major league players was very possibly inaccurate. I explain the situation in the above-linked post, along with a multi-part plan to set things right as far as my various baseball databases are concerned. I recently completed phase one, although as I cross-referenced the birthdates in my 2019 database, I basically threw out the sign-by-sign cusp comparison chart I made and checked everyone who was born between the 18th and the 24th of every month (with some 17th's and 25th's thrown in there for paranoia's sake).

The results weren't as earth-shattering as I might have feared, although I did have to change the signs of a handful of major league contributors based on my findings. Below are the seven players who saw MLB time last year whose signs were misrepresented in my previous databases:

Brad Hand: 3/20/1990 - Aries to Pisces
2019 Points: 1,687 (28.1 PPG)
Consequences: I had Hand as a major player in the Aries bullpen for the last four years (which includes the top five or six relief pitchers, with the sixth spot able to be switched out for a swing-pitcher or spot-starter). However, he wasn't in the "fantasy starting lineup" (top two relievers) in 2019. That honor was reserved for NL Rolaids Relief winner Josh Hader (2,149) and Kirby Yates (2,018). However, Hand would have cracked the Pisces top two this past year behind Aroldis Chapman (1,825), bumping Sergio Romo (1,165) to the proverbial bench. The Rams will have to scramble to replace those innings going back to 2016, but they've had a pretty deep bullpen crop recently.


Kyle Gibson: 10/23/1987 - Scorpio to Libra
2019 Points: 1,150 (33.8 PPG)
Consequences: Basically none, at least as far as 2019 rosters are concerned. As it stands, Gibson's point total put him well behind Scorpio fifth starter Masahiro Tanaka (1,337), and even if he had been in the Libra player pool, he would have finished just shy of Jordan Lyles (1,213). Going back to 2018, Gibson made the Scorpions rotation with 1,522 points, which is a high enough total that would have kicked Derek Holland (1,367) out of the Scales starting five. We'll see if his recent free agent deal with the Rangers will help elevate his profile, a la Mike Minor and Lance Lynn.


Didi Gregorius: 2/18/1990 - Pisces to Aquarius
2019 Points: 1,034 (7.9 PPG)
Consequences: Gregorius had four years as the Pisces starting shortstop from 2015 thru '18. The fallout isn't catastrophic, as Didi's presence pushed natural SS Jean Segura to 2B in all of those years (only one of which (2016) he actually played at the keystone), but there is the question of finding a replacement second baseman for those years, which will likely be the subject of another post. Or I'll do it later. I dunno. As far as Sir Didi's new sign, Gregorius would beat out Brandon Crawford for the second half of that four year stretch, but otherwise he's behind a crop of Aquarius shortstops that's surprisingly strong, given the sign's weakness as a whole.


Sam Coonrod: 9/22/1992 - Libra to Virgo
2019 Points: 330 (10.0 PPG)
Consequences: .... Surely you must be joking. I doubt if anyone outside of hardcore Giants faithful (he was the organization's #23 prospect heading into 2019) had even heard of Coonrod, who made his major league debut this past season. The only reason he was even on my radar prior to this year was because he appeared as a non-roster invitee to Spring Training camp with San Francisco in 2016 and '17. He represents the depthiest of fantasy astrology depth, but if I'm going to do this database correction, I'm going to do it down to the last player...


Josh Staumont: 12/21/1993 - Capricorn to Sagittarius
2019 Points: 100 (6.2 PPG)
Consequences: Alright, now this is just getting ridiculous. Ranked as the Royals #21 prospect prior to 2019, Staumont barely played in the bigs in his debut season, when he replaced experimental closer Wily Peralta. But he spent significant time pitching as a swingman/spot starter for Kansas City's AAA affiliate in Omaha, putting up 487 points and 15.2 PPG.


Brian Schlitter: 12/21/1985 - Capricorn to Sagittarius
2019 Points: 43 (7.1 PPG)
Consequences: Schlitter pitched 9 2/3 innings for the A's in 2019, his first MLB action since 2015 with the Cubs. Oakland apparently liked what it saw enough to bring him back on another minor league deal for 2020. But while he might be a fringe roster player for the Athletics, expect him to fall well shy of fantasy astrology consideration.


Chris Ellis: 9/22/1992 - Libra to Virgo

2019 Points: 5 (5.0 PPG)
Consequences: Ellis was taken from St. Louis (by way of Texas) in the 2018 Rule 5 draft, and his one inning of work in the Royals' third game of the 2019 season was his only MLB experience to date. He was promptly designated for assignment and returned to his former team, where he struggled in brief AAA action. If/when he returns to the majors, at least he'll be playing for the proper astrology team.

Valgod Chapter 2: The Rosebush

"It sure is nice to see the coastline receding again." Sebastian Tweet stands on the deck of a cargo schooner, watching the port city of Dar'Druev shrink in the distance of the southern coast of Valgod. "And it's even nicer to be a passenger on your very fine ship, Mr. Badger, sir."

"It's just 'Badger,'" replies the ship's captain. The middle-aged human stands a fair bit shorter than his half-elf swashbuckler companion, and a bit more wobbly, due to the rather sizable quantity of rum he'd already consumed on their young journey. But it's clear he was a formidable seafarer in his heyday. "And we're glad to have ye and yer friends on the Rosebush. I think the crew is enjoying having some new blood aboard."

Indeed, Seb's two companions seem to be getting along swimmingly with the other sailors. Allen Gootfin stands at the wheel, eagerly taking notes as the ship's navigator Aiden, another high elf, explains the basics of nautical equipment. Meanwhile, Barak Ooda spars with the first mate Jenk, and quite a crowd of deckhands had gathered around to see the burly minotaur go toe-to-toe with the agile lizardfolk. They were having a competition, with the loser of each bout required to drink a swig of rum, although Barak had taken to drinking after each win as well.

L to R: Jenk trains with Barak, Sebastian to with Badger, Allen learns from Aiden

"We should reach Fairport in seven or eight days' time," remarks Badger. "We'll drop off our shipment, then you three can try to make nice with the Waveborn paladins, or find passage up the coast toward Smuggler's Cape, if yer business be of the more shady variety. I won't ask any questions either way."

"And we appreciate your... discretion," replies Sebastian, gratefully. "Although I assure you, our affairs are strictly above board and completely--"

But he is interrupted by a shrill whistle coming from the crow's nest above.

"Ship off the port stern!" cries Philip, the young deckhand, from his spot keeping watch. "She's still afar off, but gaining fast!"

"Perhaps I can help get a closer look," offers Allen, running up to the gunwale. He snaps his fingers, and his familiar, a celestial raven, pops into existence. "Good to see you again, Tim! We have need of your far-seeing eyes once again." The bird cocks its head, lets out an agreeable squawk, and takes to the skies.

In a flourish of magic, Allen's eyes go blank, as he begins to see through his familiar's eyes. (They make a big deal out of this in Game of Thrones, where it's known as "warg-ing," but it's just a first level spell, people, it's nothing too special.) As Tim the bird got closer, Allen could just begin make out the designs on the sails of the approaching ship, when a magic missile comes hurtling toward his field of vision, followed by a loud pop.

"Shiver me Tim-bird!" shouts Allen, as his senses return to himself. "I do believe they have a magic-user on board. I couldn't see much, but the sails were definitely a deep shade of green. And the magic missile that hit my familiar was in the shape of a skull."

"The Glass Skulls!?" groans Badger, taking a deep pull from his rum bottle. "What does Finnerup want with us now?"

"Did you say Glass Skulls?" asks Allen, his ears perking up in recognition. "You mean the same gang that ambushed us back by the docks, when we found that map--?"

"Allen must be mistaken," interrupts Sebastian, giving his companion a subtle 'cut it out' hand-across-the-neck gesture. "I've certainly never heard of the Glass Skulls before. But come Badger, let's go into your cabin, we'll have a drink, and you can tell us all about them."

Sebastian jerks his head at Barack to follow him. The minotaur grabs the bottle of rum from Jenk and stomps towards the door leading belowdecks, none of the crew daring to stand in his way. "Private meeting with the captain," he bellows, ushering his companions inside. As he closes the door behind him, he turns to speak: "And prepare to be boarded!"

===

"I should'a known Finnerup would catch up to us sooner or later," moans Badger. He drains the dregs from his bottle of rum, only to find another one at his elbow, gently nudged forward by Sebastian. Badger uncorks it and takes another long drink. "That miserable scallywag has always had it in for me."

"Don't despair, captain, we'll find a way out of this," offers Sebastian. "My friends and I are great problem-solvers. But you need to tell us as much as possible about this Finnerup character, so we know what we're up against."

Badger considers for a moment, then takes another drink. "I wasn't always in charge of a merchant ship. Back in the day, I was a fearsome pirate captain! And Finnerup was my first mate. Until he poisoned the minds of my crew, and took control himself!"

"So you're saying that you've been the victim of a mutiny before? Very interesting..." Sebastian throws a sidelong glance at Barak, who is drinking from his own bottle of rum, although the liquor has noticeably little effect on the minotaur. Meanwhile, Allen is taking detailed notes of Badger's story in his journal.

"I was forced out of the pirating life in disgrace," continues Badger. "Lucky to escape with my life, I was. But I was able to rebuild and start over, trading goods for hire. Meanwhile, Finnerup joined the ranks of the Glass Skulls and ascended to their leader. Until now, he had been content with my humiliation, but it looks like that's all changed!" Badger breaks down sobbing, his head sinking down onto his desk.

"There, there, Badger," consoles Sebastian, gently lifting up the captain's head and coaxing the bottle of rum towards him. "You just need some more liquid courage and everything will be just fine."

"What are you doing?" whispers Allen. "If he drinks much more, he'll be in no shape to face a ship full of pirates!"

"Don't worry," winks Sebastian. "THIS Badger is not going anywhere near any pirates..."

===

"Badger! I know you're in there! Come on out, I burn yer ship into the sea!"

The ship in question, the Rosebush, was anchored alongside a much larger and more heavily-armed vessel. The two ships were attached with grappling hooks on either side, and a boarding bridge in the center. Standing menacingly on this corvus was Finnerup the Fool, speaker of the above threat. The captain of the Glass Skulls has a physique somewhere between scrawny and wiry, a bald head under a green bandana, and shifty, darting eyes.

Standing on the deck behind Finnerup, his massive first mate in full plate mail was locking eyes (or rather where their eyes might presumably be, behind the closed visor of their helmet) with Badger's first mate Jenk, who was stoically defending his ship. Meanwhile, the Rosebush's navigator Aiden was sizing up his counterpart on the other ship, a buxom Dwarven woman who smelled faintly of lavender, and whose fingers sparkled as though she was ready to fire off another skull-shaped magic missile at a moment's notice.

Finnerup and the Glass Skulls

"Ye know I'll do it, Badger, ye old seadog!" growls Finnerup. "Ye don't wanna lose ANOTHER ship, do ye?" This was met with a chorus of laughter from Badger's former crew.

All of a sudden, the door to the captain's cabin bursts open, and Badger stumbles out, clutching a nearly empty bottle of rum. "Alright Finnerup," the gray-haired captain slurs. "I know when I'm beat. I get the MESSAGE!" Jenk hurries back to help his captain from falling, but the lizardfolk pauses at a dismissive hand-wave from Badger, who takes a moment to steady himself. "So what'll it be? Ya want our shipment of fine silks bound for Fairport? Or is it RUM yer after?" Badger drains his bottle, tosses it over the railing, then pulls another one from his satchel.

"Don't be coy with me, old salt," sneers Finnerup. "We'd been watchin' ye closely in Dar'Druev. We know ye picked up three passengers: a two elves and a minotaur. Or an elf, a man, and a minotaur."

"I believe the word you're searching for is half-elf?" offers Finnerup's navigator.

"Whatever they be," shouts Finnerup, "they stole sumthin' from me, and I aim to get it back!"

"Ya got me, Finnerup," admits Badger. "They were on board this ship. And the good-lookin fellow was in fact a half-elf," confirms Badger, throwing a lusty wink to the female dwarf at the helm, who blows a kiss in return. "But now, only one of 'em's left. Care to take a look?" The old former pirate takes a step back and gestures clumsily into his cabin.

Finnerup looks warily around, then nods to his first mate to follow him as he hops lightly onto the enemy ship. The armored figure takes hold of a giant halberd and clomps after their captain, with Jenk forced to step aside to avoid being trampled.

As Finnerup cautiously peers inside Badger's cabin, he catches sight of a large steel cage, inside of which sits the bound form of Barak Ooda!

"Well blow me down!" utters Finnerup. "How did you bilge rats manage to subdue a minotaur? That horn-head and his mates killed five of my best fighters!"

"Got the drop on 'em, we did," explains Badger. "They came to us seeking passage, so we made 'em feel safe, then we set on 'em during the night. Kept the minotaur alive to sell to the fighting pits."

"Seems I underestimated you, bucko," muses Finnerup, moving uncomfortably close to Badger. "But I don't care a wooden dubloon about no minotaur. I want the map."

"Oh, I've got the map," says Badger, producing the ornate tube from behind Barak's cage. "And you're welcome to have it..." Finnerup smiles as Badger leans in close, but his face changes to a look of surprise when the voice that speaks the next phrase doesn't sound like his old drunken captain, but rather like a charismatic half-elf adventurer. "...when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers."

Art from "Deadeye Brawler" by Jesper Ejsing

The bottle of rum in "Badger's" other hand comes crashing down on Finnerup's skull, causing the pirate captain to stagger back towards the railing. Then the body that looks like Badger's launches into a nifty backflip, grabs hold of a piece of rope from the rigging, and swings into a devastating kick. Both feet that look like Badger's connect squarely with Finnerup's chest, sending him tumbling into the sea.

At the same moment, Barak lets out a rage-fueled roar and charges straight through the bars of his illusory cage towards Finnerup's first mate, who has taken up a fighting stance. The armored brute meets the full fury of the minotaur and goes sliding backwards, but the two appear evenly matched. Without missing a beat, Jenk leaps into the fray, unleashing a flurry of blows on the pirate's lower body, throwing off their center of gravity. Barak uses the opportunity to hook his horns under his enemy's arms and heave them over the side.

Seeing this situation unfold, the dwarven navigator leaps down onto the deck and begins to cast a spell as she rushes towards the boarding bridge. But as soon as she steps on the gangplank, it begins to rise up, seemingly of its own accord. She loses her balance and follows her companions into the sea, just as the formerly invisible form of Allen Gootfin reappears, straining with all his might to shove the bridge off the side of their ship.

"Weigh anchor and hoist the mizzium!" calls out Allen, as a bolt of fire flies from his outstretched hand and ignites the green sails of Finnerup's ship.

"It's actually MIZZEN, but I get the point!" shouts Aiden in reply. He grabs hold of the ship's wheel, shouting orders to the crew, as Barak finishes unhooking the final grappling hooks.

As the Rosebush beats a hasty retreat, a cloud of magical fog billows out around the form of Badger, who drops the illusion and morphs back into Sebastian Tweet. He laughs at the sight of Finnerup's crew, trying desperately to douse their flaming sails while fishing their captain out of the water.

"Who's the bilge rats now!?"