Fantasy Astrology FOOTBALL!!!1

The playoffs are fully under way in year two of my Fantasy Astrology Baseball project, but another momentous landmark happens today: the start in earnest of the fantasy football season! It's my second year competing and immediately after my draft, I applied the research I did to creating some quick fantasy football lineups based on the astrological signs, just like I've been doing with baseball for the last couple of years. I'll tell you right now that I'm not going to do any tinkering throughout the season because I need all my wits to focus on my own team. But since my week 1 lineup is exactly what I drafted, I'll spend that energy to profile some of the teams with the more interesting stories going into the year.

For the rankings, I created an aggregate system combining ESPN.com's top 300 with NFL.com's top 200. I didn't look beyond that pool of players, which is why some teams don't have an eligible kicker - only the top 16 were included in the rankings I used and I wasn't about to dig through the fantasy second stringers. I also had to do a little bit more unforeseen research into IDP's (individual defensive players), since it wouldn't make sense to assign a standard fantasy team defense/special teams (made up of many different players from different signs) to a single team. However, ESPN's fantasy site only went up to 150, so again some teams are lacking a full defensive squad. For a full rundown of all players on all teams, check out the astrology league's home page.

Leading the pack according to my rudimentary ranking system - whereby I added up all the ranks of all the individual (offensive) players on each team and organized them from lowest to highest total - are the Aquarius Ages Of. (I tried to get a little more creative with the team names than I was in the astrology baseball league, which I feel is more in the true spirit of fantasy football.) This is the complete opposite of were baseball players born under the same sign sat in this year's version of the same rankings for that sport. The only top 10 offensive player is the consensus #4 pick by both ESPN and NFL: Ray Rice, RB for the Super Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens. Even though Ravens QB Joe Flacco signed a big deal in the off-season, his lack of quality receiving weapons should insure a heavy workload for the small but tough back - he was actually picked second overall in our draft.

Atlanta Falcons WR Julio Jones just barely made it into the aggregate top 20 (ESPN ranked him 22 overall while NFL had him at a more optimistic 16, for an average of 19.0) while Patriots RB Stevan Ridley (also my team's RB2) just barely missed the top 20 by half a point. Speaking of half a point, our league has adopted a variation of PPR that awards 0.5 points for every reception that I DID NOT include in the fantasy ranking system, as I feel it's somewhat absurd to have the possibility of decimals in a player's final rankings. The most compelling story on this team's offense is injury-prone QB Robert Griffin III - but if his surgically-repaired knee gives out, at least they have Matthew Stafford waiting in the wings. I know basically nothing about defensive players throughout the league, but this unit has four starters in the top 20, including ESPN-elite LB Patrick Willis. And although he will be far from the league's best this year, it's worth keeping an eye on newsworthy rookie Manti Te'o.

Barely behind Aquarius in our rankings system is a sign whose baseball playing equivalents made it to the playoffs last year, the Capricorn Scapegoats (see the play on the traditional goat of the constellation?). Two players who will surely be scapegoats if this team fails to perform will be its pair of top 10 overall players, RB's Doug  Martin of the Buccs and Jamaal Charles of the Chiefs. But this team's offensive fortunes will likely live or die with #2 QB Drew Brees, reunited with his recently un-suspended coach with whom he won the Super Bowl three years ago. This is most definitely a coincidence, but the two top-ranked astrology teams also have the two top-ranked kickers: Stephen Gostkowski legs it up for AQU while last season's top scorer Blair Walsh will kick for CAP. Capricorn has the most defensive players to choose from (20 of the top 150), but the three players who ESPN tagged as "Elite" are all in the secondary: safeties Morgan Burnett, Eric Weddle, and Eric Berry. Don't ask me anything about who they are or what they do because I don't know, but now I'll be sure to pay attention when I hear those names come out of a broadcaster's mouth...

Following the trend where absolutely useless fantasy baseball signs look like legitimate contenders in the football landscape, the third spot in my rankings system is occupied by the Taurus Runners. (Get it: like Running of the Bulls? It's not a reference to the maze runners in Dragon's Maze...) The conversation has to start with the RB trio of Seattle's Marshawn Lynch (either the #2 or #3 player in all of fantasy depending on what you read into Arian Foster's injury troubles), Frank Gore (the 49ers lead back is not Elite, but does find himself in the next-tier category: "not sexy, but they get the job done"), and Lamar Miller (a good chance to be a sleeper for the Dolphins). Then there's Cam Newton, whose Panthers were ranked dead last in the NFC according to Sports Illustrated's power rankings, but his ability to run makes him a deadly fantasy option. They've also got Newton's top receiving weapon Steve Smith and Peyton Manning's new favorite WR Wes Welker, PLUS Welker's former teammate #2 TE Rob Gronkowski - and although he is out for the foreseeable future, it's not too bad to have second-tier TE Jason Witten as a backup. TAU's only elite defensive player is Atlanta safety William Moore, but they have a couple of well-known brutal linebackers in Lawrence Timmons and Clay Matthews.

The Sagittarius Archers (baseball) surprised everyone by finishing with a winning record this year, and the Sagittarius Arrowheads (football) stand primed to do the same and more in their league. They've got the top QB (Aaron Rodgers), the top TE (Jimmy Graham), and a top 15 RB 1-2 punch (Alfred Morris - my personal fantasy RB1 - and Matt Forte). While their receiving corps is a little weak - their top WR is Philadelphia's DeSean Jackson, who checks in with an aggregate 76.5 rank - they've got RB's to spare, including rookies Montee Ball and Giovani Bernard (another member of my team's bench). So far every team's defense has featured at least one "Elite" player, and SAG's is Oakland safety Tyvon Branch.

That does it for the top 4, and not a fantasy baseball playoff contender in the bunch. George Carlin had a great bit about the differences between baseball and football, and based on these teams, it looks like the differences extend to the stars themselves. Again, feel free to check on the full lineups and statistics at the league's home page (which should be viewable to all), but don't get too upset if some of the teams aren't filled out completely or the lineups don't change from week to week. This project is intended for reference only as something to look at while your actual teams pound away on the gridiron. Happy Football Season Everyone!