Fantasy Astrology Baseball Playoffs 2013

It's that time again, where the year's four best fantasy astrology baseball teams face off to determine the best players under the stars. As the playoff matchups are two weeks each, I'll have plenty of time to talk about the contending teams - the Leo (1) vs. Virgo (4) and Libra (2) vs. Cancer (3) - so now let's take a brief look back at the 10 teams that didn't make the cut. Over the course of the season, ESPN keeps track of each team's weekly matchup leaders, which I have collated and analyzed for your edification. Granted, this is far from an adequate method of determining a team's all-around best players, since my frantic weekly lineup tinkering might very well have kept a potential top performer on the bench, but it's certainly a good place to start.

Aries Rams (13-8)
Justin Masterson (x5)
Felix Hernandez (x4)
Miguel Cabrera (x4)
Matt Harvey (x3)
Jason Kipnis (x2)

This team features some of the most intimidating names in all of baseball and finished with a better record than two playoff teams (but finished behind the red-hot Leo Lions in their division), which makes it even more impressive that Justin Masterson was a weekly leader more times than any other in his breakout season. The first time All-Star (although he didn't pitch in the contest) beat out such greats as last year's Triple Crown winner Miguel Cabrera, former Cy Young Award recipient Felix Hernandez, and the starter for the NL All-Star squad Matt Harvey. Unfortunately three of the four players mentioned above, including Masterson, are currently dealing with injury troubles ranging from the mild (Cabrera) to the potentially career-threatening (Harvey), so it's probably just as well that this team isn't in the playoff picture.


Sagittarius Archers (11-10)
Mat Latos (x3)
David Wright (x2)
Carlos Gomez (x2)
James Shields (x2)
Joe Nathan (x2)
Matt Garza (x2)

SAG's over .500 finish means that no team in the Fire division finished with a losing record, but you can still see how difficult it was for this team to find a consistent leader. Mat Latos has emerged as the bona fide ace of the Cincinnati staff, taking the reins from the oft-injured Johnny Cueto, would-be team offensive leaders Wright and Gomez both had some injury troubles themselves, as did Matt Garza, whose consecutive weeks atop the team leaderboard came leading up to his trade from the rebuilding Cubs to the competitive Rangers. As long as Aries and Leo are battling at the top of this division, I don't think this team has a prayer for reaching the playoffs any time in the near future.

Gemini Twins (11-10)
Craig Kimbrel (x5)
Matt Moore (x4)
Jordan Zimmermann (x3)
Bartolo Colon (x2)

Talk about a closer who can anchor both a fantasy team and a real-life team, Craig Kimbrel's consistency played no small part in maintaining Atlanta's comfortable division lead even when they struggled with offensive injuries and ineffectiveness. Matt Moore likewise has been a revelation, although the Rays have had to play their last month (which they did a quite good job of) with Moore on the DL due to elbow soreness. The fact that all four multiple top scorers are pitchers tells me that this team doesn't quite have a good enough offense to challenge the defending champion Libra for a playoff spot.


Capricorn Goats (10-11)
Mike Minor (x4)
Jon Lester (x2)
Addison Reed (x2)
Edwin Encarnacion (x2)
Hanley Ramirez (x2)
Ivan Nova (x2)

Look at that, another Braves pitcher who spent the most time at the top of his fantasy astrology team's leaderboard. Atlanta's most consistent starter also led my real-life fantasy team, thanks to the disgustingly-disappointing season by Justin Verlander, which is one of the big reasons I failed to make the playoffs this year. The fantasy team with last year's best record was overtaken in the Earth division by the Virgo powerhouse this year, and with Albert Pujols on a clear decline, this squad is not the clear contender they once were.


Scorpio Scorpions (10-11)
Jon Niese (x2)
David Ortiz (x2)
Mike Leake (x2)
Greg Holland (x2)
C.J. Wilson (x2)
Martin Prado (x2)

SCO is the only team to not have a player lead his team more than twice, and what's more, not once was the weekly leader last year's NL Cy Young winner R.A. Dickey, whose smoke-and-mirrors knuckleball act was exposed in Toronto. I am somewhat surprised that neither Pirates surprise success story Jason Gilli nor Francisco Liriano made the list more than once.

Pisces Fish (8-13)
Chris Davis (x5)
Clayton Kershaw (x4)
Anibal Sanchez (x2)
Aroldis Chapman (x2)
Yovani Gallardo (x2)
Fernando Rodney (x2)

Pisces could very well include the year's best performers, on both the offensive and defensive sides, yet they find themselves without a spot in this year's playoffs. Clayton Kershaw is a lock for the NL Cy Young and maybe even the MVP, and if the Orioles end up making the playoffs, Chris Davis could be in line for the AL's version of the same award. I would compare them to my team and say that Justin Verlander's failure to bring his A-game (he led his team in points only one week) kept them from dominating the league, but the stats show no lack of great pitching performers, whether in the rotation or the bullpen. I guess the old adage that good pitching wins championships doesn't apply to the fantasy landscape...


Taurus Bulls (6-15)
Homer Bailey (x5)
Edward Mujica (x5)

As if I needed another example, here's another team whose best performers were consistently pitchers - just two pitchers, in fact - but who fell well short of a .500 season. Not much more to say than better luck next time.


Aquarius Water-Carriers (4-17)
Austin Jackson (x3)
Hiroki Kuroda (x3)
Doug Fister (x2)
Julio Teheran (x2)
Alex Gordon (x2)
A.J. Griffin (x2)

The combined cases of Taurus and Aquarius prove that having a small or large number of multiple weekly leaders can both lead to a bad team overall. It's a good thing that both of these teams rank in the top 3 of the Fantasy Astrology Football league that I just recently built, so at least sports fans born under these signs don't have reason to despair utterly.