How Others See You

Maybe this is a peculiar quirk about the time/place in which I grew up, but in my youth I heard over and over again to "not care about how others see you." I understand that in broad sense, this piece of advice is meant to solidify a young kid's self esteem in the face of bullies, restrictive social dynamics, and generally judgmental eyes. I understand that as a metaphorical piece of life-coaching a statement such as this one could have great value in steering someone away from blind conformism or a life as a "follower" rather than a "leader." But just as an action-guiding statement, I always took issue with it.

In some cases it's a totally acceptable piece of advice and in other cases it's a totally acceptable metaphor. But there's a spectrum there, and you can't expect the same advice to apply in every situation. Let's take three examples:

1) "Why are you going into showbiz? Everyone else in your entire family is a doctor and they have the same ambition for you." "Yeah, well, I'm pursuing the career I enjoy, I don't care what they think of me." A little callous, maybe, but headstrong and independent.

2) "Why are you running around with no clothes on? There are elderly people and kids around!" "Screw social conventions, I don't care what that old couple and their grandkids think of me!" A bit strange, but (at least in places such as Portland) allowed by the letter of the law. And it shows a great deal of self-confidence to boot.

3) "Why are you waving that knife around and shouting about the government? There's a cop right across the street!" "Shove off, pig! I'm an American! I've got the right to free speech!" A noble if somewhat misguided interpretation of the Constitution. But if you ignore how a certain group of people sees you (i.e. the authorities), you could get your rear-end thrown into jail.

In addition to counterexamples such as these - which show how sometimes your personal well-being is tied up in how people see you - I always felt that I should live my life with a general sense of how my actions are construed by my peers. Not necessarily seeking their approval for every decision I make. But if something I do offends them or makes them uneasy, I'd like to know, so I can take steps to change. I respect my peers and want them to respect me. And while we don't come to this mutual respect by me bowing to their every wish, neither does mutual respect arise out of me not caring how I appear in their eyes. I just think that following the logical implications of not caring about how others see you leads down the lonely road of solipsism.

Now flash forward to an Angels TV broadcast sometime during 2007 or '08, after Gary Matthews, Jr. had come to the Angels. He was in the middle of a pretty big slump and the Angels' broadcasters, Steve Physioc and Rex Hudler, were talking about how Matthews could try to break out of it. Phys was pretty useless on the subject, if I remember correctly, but Hud, being a former player, had some real insights into the situation. He said that most of what goes on in a slump is bad luck: hard line drives hit directly to the defenders, opposing players making circus catches against you. It starts with a lot of stuff like that happening all in a row and you not being able to catch a break.

Then once you get into a slump, it starts to get into your head. Maybe the stress is causing you to try a little bit too hard or to forget your mechanics. At this point there's a lot of talk about "getting your weight out on your front foot" or "not letting your hands stay on top of the baseball" and any number of technical phrases that basically amount to meaningless jargon to non-players/coaches.

Then Hud started talking about how the mental aspect translates into the physical aspect. This was the part that started to interest me, because he was really talking about "physicality" rather than mechanics. As Matthews stepped up to the plate, rather than analyze his batting stance or his swing, Hud looked at his body language. He said the most important part of getting out of a slump is carrying yourself as if you're not in a slump.

This tactic certainly has a personal motivation - if you can convince yourself that there's nothing wrong, the idea is that pretty soon you'll start performing on the field as if nothing's wrong - but it has a social motivation as well. Hud explained that the main importance of controlling your body language lies in how your opponents view you from the other side of the diamond. Because, for the most part, major league pitchers are a focused, ruthless, and insightful bunch when it comes to facing major league batters. If a hitter shows any weakness when he steps into the batter's box, even if it's just a slight display of frustration in the way he carries himself, a pitcher will aggressively exploit that weakness to the best of his ability.

Finally, here's someone acknowledging the fact and giving an explanation of why it does in fact matter how others see you! Granted, Hud's specific example only applies within the context of the dynamics of a baseball game. But the same reasoning that makes this principle applicable in baseball makes it just as applicable in real life. Because, after all, baseball is a microcosm of life. And that's the real reason for watching, right?