Valgod Chapter 2: The Rosebush

"It sure is nice to see the coastline receding again." Sebastian Tweet stands on the deck of a cargo schooner, watching the port city of Dar'Druev shrink in the distance of the southern coast of Valgod. "And it's even nicer to be a passenger on your very fine ship, Mr. Badger, sir."

"It's just 'Badger,'" replies the ship's captain. The middle-aged human stands a fair bit shorter than his half-elf swashbuckler companion, and a bit more wobbly, due to the rather sizable quantity of rum he'd already consumed on their young journey. But it's clear he was a formidable seafarer in his heyday. "And we're glad to have ye and yer friends on the Rosebush. I think the crew is enjoying having some new blood aboard."

Indeed, Seb's two companions seem to be getting along swimmingly with the other sailors. Allen Gootfin stands at the wheel, eagerly taking notes as the ship's navigator Aiden, another high elf, explains the basics of nautical equipment. Meanwhile, Barak Ooda spars with the first mate Jenk, and quite a crowd of deckhands had gathered around to see the burly minotaur go toe-to-toe with the agile lizardfolk. They were having a competition, with the loser of each bout required to drink a swig of rum, although Barak had taken to drinking after each win as well.

L to R: Jenk trains with Barak, Sebastian to with Badger, Allen learns from Aiden

"We should reach Fairport in seven or eight days' time," remarks Badger. "We'll drop off our shipment, then you three can try to make nice with the Waveborn paladins, or find passage up the coast toward Smuggler's Cape, if yer business be of the more shady variety. I won't ask any questions either way."

"And we appreciate your... discretion," replies Sebastian, gratefully. "Although I assure you, our affairs are strictly above board and completely--"

But he is interrupted by a shrill whistle coming from the crow's nest above.

"Ship off the port stern!" cries Philip, the young deckhand, from his spot keeping watch. "She's still afar off, but gaining fast!"

"Perhaps I can help get a closer look," offers Allen, running up to the gunwale. He snaps his fingers, and his familiar, a celestial raven, pops into existence. "Good to see you again, Tim! We have need of your far-seeing eyes once again." The bird cocks its head, lets out an agreeable squawk, and takes to the skies.

In a flourish of magic, Allen's eyes go blank, as he begins to see through his familiar's eyes. (They make a big deal out of this in Game of Thrones, where it's known as "warg-ing," but it's just a first level spell, people, it's nothing too special.) As Tim the bird got closer, Allen could just begin make out the designs on the sails of the approaching ship, when a magic missile comes hurtling toward his field of vision, followed by a loud pop.

"Shiver me Tim-bird!" shouts Allen, as his senses return to himself. "I do believe they have a magic-user on board. I couldn't see much, but the sails were definitely a deep shade of green. And the magic missile that hit my familiar was in the shape of a skull."

"The Glass Skulls!?" groans Badger, taking a deep pull from his rum bottle. "What does Finnerup want with us now?"

"Did you say Glass Skulls?" asks Allen, his ears perking up in recognition. "You mean the same gang that ambushed us back by the docks, when we found that map--?"

"Allen must be mistaken," interrupts Sebastian, giving his companion a subtle 'cut it out' hand-across-the-neck gesture. "I've certainly never heard of the Glass Skulls before. But come Badger, let's go into your cabin, we'll have a drink, and you can tell us all about them."

Sebastian jerks his head at Barack to follow him. The minotaur grabs the bottle of rum from Jenk and stomps towards the door leading belowdecks, none of the crew daring to stand in his way. "Private meeting with the captain," he bellows, ushering his companions inside. As he closes the door behind him, he turns to speak: "And prepare to be boarded!"

===

"I should'a known Finnerup would catch up to us sooner or later," moans Badger. He drains the dregs from his bottle of rum, only to find another one at his elbow, gently nudged forward by Sebastian. Badger uncorks it and takes another long drink. "That miserable scallywag has always had it in for me."

"Don't despair, captain, we'll find a way out of this," offers Sebastian. "My friends and I are great problem-solvers. But you need to tell us as much as possible about this Finnerup character, so we know what we're up against."

Badger considers for a moment, then takes another drink. "I wasn't always in charge of a merchant ship. Back in the day, I was a fearsome pirate captain! And Finnerup was my first mate. Until he poisoned the minds of my crew, and took control himself!"

"So you're saying that you've been the victim of a mutiny before? Very interesting..." Sebastian throws a sidelong glance at Barak, who is drinking from his own bottle of rum, although the liquor has noticeably little effect on the minotaur. Meanwhile, Allen is taking detailed notes of Badger's story in his journal.

"I was forced out of the pirating life in disgrace," continues Badger. "Lucky to escape with my life, I was. But I was able to rebuild and start over, trading goods for hire. Meanwhile, Finnerup joined the ranks of the Glass Skulls and ascended to their leader. Until now, he had been content with my humiliation, but it looks like that's all changed!" Badger breaks down sobbing, his head sinking down onto his desk.

"There, there, Badger," consoles Sebastian, gently lifting up the captain's head and coaxing the bottle of rum towards him. "You just need some more liquid courage and everything will be just fine."

"What are you doing?" whispers Allen. "If he drinks much more, he'll be in no shape to face a ship full of pirates!"

"Don't worry," winks Sebastian. "THIS Badger is not going anywhere near any pirates..."

===

"Badger! I know you're in there! Come on out, I burn yer ship into the sea!"

The ship in question, the Rosebush, was anchored alongside a much larger and more heavily-armed vessel. The two ships were attached with grappling hooks on either side, and a boarding bridge in the center. Standing menacingly on this corvus was Finnerup the Fool, speaker of the above threat. The captain of the Glass Skulls has a physique somewhere between scrawny and wiry, a bald head under a green bandana, and shifty, darting eyes.

Standing on the deck behind Finnerup, his massive first mate in full plate mail was locking eyes (or rather where their eyes might presumably be, behind the closed visor of their helmet) with Badger's first mate Jenk, who was stoically defending his ship. Meanwhile, the Rosebush's navigator Aiden was sizing up his counterpart on the other ship, a buxom Dwarven woman who smelled faintly of lavender, and whose fingers sparkled as though she was ready to fire off another skull-shaped magic missile at a moment's notice.

Finnerup and the Glass Skulls

"Ye know I'll do it, Badger, ye old seadog!" growls Finnerup. "Ye don't wanna lose ANOTHER ship, do ye?" This was met with a chorus of laughter from Badger's former crew.

All of a sudden, the door to the captain's cabin bursts open, and Badger stumbles out, clutching a nearly empty bottle of rum. "Alright Finnerup," the gray-haired captain slurs. "I know when I'm beat. I get the MESSAGE!" Jenk hurries back to help his captain from falling, but the lizardfolk pauses at a dismissive hand-wave from Badger, who takes a moment to steady himself. "So what'll it be? Ya want our shipment of fine silks bound for Fairport? Or is it RUM yer after?" Badger drains his bottle, tosses it over the railing, then pulls another one from his satchel.

"Don't be coy with me, old salt," sneers Finnerup. "We'd been watchin' ye closely in Dar'Druev. We know ye picked up three passengers: a two elves and a minotaur. Or an elf, a man, and a minotaur."

"I believe the word you're searching for is half-elf?" offers Finnerup's navigator.

"Whatever they be," shouts Finnerup, "they stole sumthin' from me, and I aim to get it back!"

"Ya got me, Finnerup," admits Badger. "They were on board this ship. And the good-lookin fellow was in fact a half-elf," confirms Badger, throwing a lusty wink to the female dwarf at the helm, who blows a kiss in return. "But now, only one of 'em's left. Care to take a look?" The old former pirate takes a step back and gestures clumsily into his cabin.

Finnerup looks warily around, then nods to his first mate to follow him as he hops lightly onto the enemy ship. The armored figure takes hold of a giant halberd and clomps after their captain, with Jenk forced to step aside to avoid being trampled.

As Finnerup cautiously peers inside Badger's cabin, he catches sight of a large steel cage, inside of which sits the bound form of Barak Ooda!

"Well blow me down!" utters Finnerup. "How did you bilge rats manage to subdue a minotaur? That horn-head and his mates killed five of my best fighters!"

"Got the drop on 'em, we did," explains Badger. "They came to us seeking passage, so we made 'em feel safe, then we set on 'em during the night. Kept the minotaur alive to sell to the fighting pits."

"Seems I underestimated you, bucko," muses Finnerup, moving uncomfortably close to Badger. "But I don't care a wooden dubloon about no minotaur. I want the map."

"Oh, I've got the map," says Badger, producing the ornate tube from behind Barak's cage. "And you're welcome to have it..." Finnerup smiles as Badger leans in close, but his face changes to a look of surprise when the voice that speaks the next phrase doesn't sound like his old drunken captain, but rather like a charismatic half-elf adventurer. "...when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers."

Art from "Deadeye Brawler" by Jesper Ejsing

The bottle of rum in "Badger's" other hand comes crashing down on Finnerup's skull, causing the pirate captain to stagger back towards the railing. Then the body that looks like Badger's launches into a nifty backflip, grabs hold of a piece of rope from the rigging, and swings into a devastating kick. Both feet that look like Badger's connect squarely with Finnerup's chest, sending him tumbling into the sea.

At the same moment, Barak lets out a rage-fueled roar and charges straight through the bars of his illusory cage towards Finnerup's first mate, who has taken up a fighting stance. The armored brute meets the full fury of the minotaur and goes sliding backwards, but the two appear evenly matched. Without missing a beat, Jenk leaps into the fray, unleashing a flurry of blows on the pirate's lower body, throwing off their center of gravity. Barak uses the opportunity to hook his horns under his enemy's arms and heave them over the side.

Seeing this situation unfold, the dwarven navigator leaps down onto the deck and begins to cast a spell as she rushes towards the boarding bridge. But as soon as she steps on the gangplank, it begins to rise up, seemingly of its own accord. She loses her balance and follows her companions into the sea, just as the formerly invisible form of Allen Gootfin reappears, straining with all his might to shove the bridge off the side of their ship.

"Weigh anchor and hoist the mizzium!" calls out Allen, as a bolt of fire flies from his outstretched hand and ignites the green sails of Finnerup's ship.

"It's actually MIZZEN, but I get the point!" shouts Aiden in reply. He grabs hold of the ship's wheel, shouting orders to the crew, as Barak finishes unhooking the final grappling hooks.

As the Rosebush beats a hasty retreat, a cloud of magical fog billows out around the form of Badger, who drops the illusion and morphs back into Sebastian Tweet. He laughs at the sight of Finnerup's crew, trying desperately to douse their flaming sails while fishing their captain out of the water.

"Who's the bilge rats now!?"

MLB Fantasy Astrology Awards 2019

With the 2019-20 offseason in full swing, it's time to look back at this past season's big award winners... through the lens of Fantasy Astrology! I'll be breaking down the seasons of the 2019 MVPs, Cy Youngs (Cy's Young?), Rookies of the Year, Gold Gloves, Silver Sluggers, and Variously Branded Relief Pitcher Awards, all organized by sign, to determine if there are any patterns in who the stars favored this year. First of all, here's a reminder of all the signs, their colors, logos, and various astrological qualities. Then we'll go in award/calendar order, starting with a certain first-time MVP, who happens to represent both my home sign AND my hometown team:

Cancer Crabs (or Decapods, if you want to get technical / listen to the Moana soundtrack)

NL MVP: Cody Bellinger
2019 Points: 2,849 (18.2 per game)

The Dodgers' prized outfielder/first baseman won the NL Rookie of the Year award in 2017, then went through a bit of a sophomore slump (not counting his NLCS MVP performance in the postseason, of course), before rebounding in a big way to take home not only the 2019 MVP trophy, but also a Silver Slugger and a Gold Glove. His versatility is impressive, and kind of reminds me of the defensive profile of Lance Berkman, a famous Aquarius slugger from back in the day. Incidentally, Bellinger's father, Clay (a Scorpio) spent four years in MLB himself, mostly as a utility player for the Yankees.

AL Rookie of the Year: Yordan Alvarez
2019 Points: 1,552 (17.8 PPG)

Cancer also claims the Rookie of the Year winning Yordan Alvarez of the Astros. The slugging DH (and infrequent left fielder) didn't make his MLB debut until June, but he crushed 27 home runs in his 87 games with an OPS over 1.000 (1.067 to be exact). While Alvarez's light-tower power can't be denied, it's unfortunate that he won these accolades with a team that has been exposed as sign-stealers, but there's no evidence (as of yet) that this nefarious practice extended beyond the 2017 season... although Rob Manfred's assertion of that fact is likely motivated by an unwillingness to dig deeper into the problem at this point in time.

As far as other Cancer award winners go, Yankees infielder DJ LeMahieu (speaking of versatility), and Twins DH Nelson Cruz (the opposite) both won AL Silver Sluggers. Cruz has two previous SS's on his resume, both while playing for Seattle, while LeMahieu (who also finished fourth in AL MVP voting) got his first SS, after three previous Gold Gloves at second base with Colorado. Picking up LeMahieu's defensive torch is Yolmer (formerly Carlos) Sanchez of the White Sox, whose bat might keep him out of a job in Chicago next year, despite his defensive excellence.


Leo Lions

AL MVP: Mike Trout
2019 Points: 2,568 (19.1 PPG)

I don't usually advocate for anything Astros-related these days, but I must say, I think Aries infielder Alex Bregman did more for his team than Trout this year, and the fantasy points bear that out (A-Breg finished the year with 2,739 points and 17.5 PPG). Of course had Trout's season not ended early due to injury, the two-time MVP (and also former ROY) likely would have eclipsed his division-mate to the east. But it's also true that the Angels finished far out of the postseason in 2019 - although their star player likely didn't have the assistance of sign-stealing trash can-bangers... not that he needs it. Trout also took home his whopping seventh Silver Slugger award (out of eight seasons in the bigs), although he has never won a Gold Glove.

The only other awards showing for Leo in 2019 were two NL Gold Glovers: Cubs first baseman Anthony Rizzo and Diamondbacks left fielder David Peralta. Rizzo defends his GG from the previous season, and adds it to a third one from 2016, a year he was also named the Silver Slugger at first base. Peralta actually switched accolades from 2018, where he took home a SS in the outfield with a 30-home run season. He takes home the GG for the first time, despite playing in fewer than 100 games in 2019.


Pisces Fish

AL CYA: Justin Verlander
2019 Points: 3,235 (95.1 PPG)

I heard (and agreed with) a reasonable proposal towards the end of the 2019 season: have teammates Justin Verlander and Gerrit Cole share the AL Cy Young Award! It makes sense: they were the top two pitchers in the league (in EITHER league, in fact), and they were SO CLOSE in 2019 production; the Virgo Cole clocked in at 3,148 points and 95.3 per game. So what pushed Verlander over the edge? Was it his no-hitter against the Blue Jays in the fall, the third of his career? Or was it the previous MVP and Cy Young award that he had on his mantle from 2011 (plus a ROY in 2006)? Or could it have been the one win and 10 more innings he pitched than the now-free agent Cole, or the slightly lower WHIP (.803 to .895)? It certainly wasn't strikeouts (Cole had 6 more) or ERA (Cole's was .08 lower). Either way, they're both great, and after this winter, they'll both be rich to boot.

AL Reliever of the Year: Aroldis Chapman
2019 Points: 1,825 (30.4 PPG)

Previously known as the Rolaids Relief Man Award, then re-named for Mariano Rivera upon the legendary closer's retirement after 2013, Aroldis Chapman steps into the former Yankee's shoes with the 2019 version of the award. This was the first major awards consideration for the Cuban fireballer, and he took home the honors despite being out-fantasy-scored by Aquarius Roberto Osuna (who might have been overlooked for non-baseball related reasons) and Cancer Liam Hendriks (who, granted, did not occupy the closer's role from day one of 2019).

The other star Pisces for 2019 was Phillies catcher J.T. Realmuto, who won both a Silver Slugger (his second consecutive one) and a Gold Glove (his first) in his first year for his new team. D-Backs shortstop Nick Ahmed joined him in the GG department, and with the recent revelation that Didi Gregorius is now an Aquarius (more on that in a later post), Ahmed should have some more playing time in the Fish's middle infield.


Gemini Twins

NL CYA: Jacob deGrom
2019 Points: 2,495 (77.9 PPG)

The NL pitching champ defends his title in 2019, as the Gemini man took home top pitching honors in the NL for the second straight year from atop the Mets rotation. Actually, Leo Max Scherzer outscored deGrom in 2018 (3,020 to 2,827), but no pitcher in the NL topped deGrom in points in '19. Like the winners of the other three big awards, deGrom also earned a Rookie of the Year nod in his first season (2014), and he's been a mainstay on pitching leaderboards ever since. The only other Gemini to garner any awards consideration was NL MVP candidate and top free agent position player Anthony Rendon, who won a Silver Slugger while playing for the World Champion Nationals.


Sagittarius Archers

NL ROY: Pete Alonso
2019 Points: 2,456 (15.2 PPG)

A teammate of deGrom in 2019, the Mets tabbed Pete Alonso as their opening day first baseman, flying in the face of the tried and true (and much maligned) strategy of delaying a star player's debut in the majors in order to gain an extra year of team control. The bold move paid off, as Alonso hit 53 home runs, a record amount for a rookie, while also winning an extremely exciting Home Run Derby along the way. Sagittarius has serious firepower in the lineup to put around the man known as "Polar Bear" in Christian Yelich and Ronald Acuna Jr. Last year's MVP Yelich won his third Silver Slugger award in 2019 (he also has a Gold Glove to his name), while Acuna earned his first SS in his sophomore season, after taking home NL ROY honors in 2018.


Aries Rams

NL Reliever of the Year: Josh Hader
2019 Points: 2,149 (35.2 PPG)

The winner of the NL version of this award two years running (which is named after Padres great Trevor Hoffman), Hader saw his fantasy point totals skyrocket in 2019 after transitioning from a high-leverage reliever into the full time closer. The lanky Maryland native does have a couple of marks on his resume - most notably a collapse in this year's NL Wild Card Game against Washington, and some racist tweets uncovered during the 2018 All-Star Game - but his blazing fastball and wipeout slider should continue to strike fear into opposing batters, even as he enters his arbitration years.

Aries had a strong cast of supporting awards characters in 2019, including two Silver Sluggers and three Gold Glove winners. Both SS's were first time winners of the award: returning Indians first baseman Carlos Santana, and the above-mentioned Alex Bregman, who took home the award at third base, despite also spending significant time at shortstop. Speaking of third base, the Rockies star at the hot corner Nolan Arenado took home his stunning seventh consecutive GG award (one for every year he's been in the majors), while also breaking a run of four consecutive Silver Sluggers. Joining him on the NL side is Brewers center fielder Lorenzo Cain (his first time winning the award), while Athletics first baseman Matt Olson won his second consecutive fielding trophy.

Rounding out the rest of the signs, Libra starting pitcher Zack Greinke took home both the NL Silver Slugger and Gold Glove awards for his position, despite the fact that he was traded away from the National League at the deadline. Former AL MVP Mookie Betts followed suit with a SS+GG season, his third such campaign - he missed out on the Silver Slugger in 2017, but still has a run of four consecutive Gold Gloves. Sticking with the Scales middle infield, Betts's teammate Xander Bogaerts won the AL Silver Slugger at shortstop, while Cardinals second baseman Kolten Wong took home the NL Gold Glove at the keystone.

Sticking with the middle infield, Scorpio boasted two top-notch shortstops in 2019, as Trevor Story of the Rockies took home the NL Silver Slugger (his second consecutive one), while Francisco Lindor of the Indians won his second AL Gold Glove - the first one came in 2016, which means his two GG's bookend two SS's from 2017 and '18. Scorpions starting pitcher Mike Leake took home the AL Gold Glove for pitchers, despite the trade that sent him to the NL at the deadline. What Scorpio was to shortstops, Capricorn was to catchers, as Twins slugging backstop Mitch Garver took home a Silver Slugger, despite his injury-shortened season, while Indians stopped Roberto Perez earned a Gold Glove for his defensive prowess. Another Sea-Goat, Braves second baseman Ozzie Albies, won the NL Silver Slugger for second basemen in his third year in the bigs.

The 2019 Fantasy Astrology champion Virgo Maidens (or maybe Damsels, if you want to get old-school) boasted two Silver Sluggers in Braves first baseman Freddie Freeman (who won the Gold Glove the previous year) and Astros outfielder George Springer (his second SS in three years). On the other side of the field, the Taurus Bulls had two Gold Glove winners: Matt Chapman took down his second consecutive Gold Glove as the A's third baseman, while Rays centerfielder Kevin Kiermaier earned his third such award. And bringing up the rear, we have the seemingly always-lowly Aquarius, which has Royals Gold Glove winning left fielder Alex Gordon, who has taken home a GG seven times in the last nine seasons.

Astrology Baseball: What's the Deal With Cusps?

When I first got into astrology, it wasn't because I believed that everyone's personalities are influenced by their date/time/place of birth. (I'm still not convinced of this, so please like, leave a comment, and share my posts with all your astrology friends to try and convince me.) No, I first got into astrology so that I could sort my database of MLB players by birth sign, and play a season with astrologically-inspired rosters on my favorite baseball video game: MVP Baseball 2005 - despite the fact that this was in 2009 and the stats in the game were already five years out of date. To do this, I used a boilerplate table of dates, such as the one you'd find on Wikipedia. (i.e. Gemini: May 22 - June 21 / Cancer: June 22 - July 22 / Leo: July 23 - August 22 / etc.) While I was aware of the concept of cusps, this table seemed to provide a hard beginning and end date for each sign, so when confronted with a player like Royals slugging first baseman Mike Sweeney (born July 22, 1973 in Orange, CA), I didn't think twice about assigning him to my "home sign" Cancer Crabs.

I revisited this project again in 2012, this time in order to plug my astrology rosters into ESPN's Fantasy Baseball client and simulate a 12-team fantasy league based on the signs. However, by this point, I had come across some research stating that cusps can shift from year to year (whether from the Moon's gravitational pull or because of leap years, I wasn't really sure). To address this wrinkle, I found a comprehensive spreadsheet (an excerpt of which is pictured left) that broke down each sign by year. Sadly I did not note the URL where I found this spreadsheet - I just copied-pasted it into an Excel document of my own - but it looked legitimate, I swear. Now looking back, if I had used this information in my above MVP 05 experiment, I would have placed Mike Sweeney with the Leo Lions, since his birthday fell on the day when the sun enters Leo. It wouldn't have mattered too much to those '05 Crabs, since they already had Carlos Delgado, Sean Casey, Aramis Ramirez, and Vinny Castilla to rotate between the 1B, 3B, and DH spots... But it's the principle of the thing: if I'm going to spend countless hours on a pointless exercise that no one will ever see based on pseudoscience and an old video game, I'd at least like it to be accurate.

So I used this spreadsheet for the inaugural 2012 Fantasy Astrology League, and continued using it for each subsequent season... until this offseason. With my 2019 database up to date, following this season's thrilling conclusion, and my Astrology All-Decade rosters complete from 2000 thru 2019, I decided to see how far back into the past I could push these astrology lineups. I encountered my first problem in 1998, with Hall of Famer Paul Molitor, who played his final season that year for his hometown Minnesota Twins. My precious spreadsheet only covered the years 1960 thru 2009, and Molitor was born in 1956, on August 22, a date that traditionally falls on the Leo/Virgo cusp. After an Internet deep dive, I came upon a site called helloastrology.com, which has a Zodiac Calculator that confirmed Molitor as a Leo. I perhaps could have gotten a hint had I looked at his full name - Paul Leo Molitor - although that could have been a coincidence; maybe his grandfather is named Leonard...

While my immediate question was answered, the discovery of this resource opened up a rabbit hole that I had to follow to its logical conclusion. On a whim, I inserted Mike Sweeney's birth date and location (I haven't bothered to look for his birth time) into the Calculator, and he came up as a... you guessed it: Cancer.

Needless to say, my entire worldview was thrown into disarray. Has my spreadsheet been wrong all these years? Or is this calculator inaccurate? Or are they both wrong, and we should all just embrace the Ophiuchus mess? Upon realizing this inconsistency, I immediately formulated a plan and jumped into action: I compared four different date tables to determine a range of cusps for all 12 signs, which I will cross-reference with every birthdate in my baseball database, confirming each borderline case using the helloastrology calculator (since it goes all the way back to 1920, and looks pretty serious, what with the measure of degrees and all). If any of you astrology buffs out there have any better ideas, or explanations of what's going on in the stars, I'm all ears. Until then, if you need me for anything, I'll probably be done with this endeavor by the time the sun enters Pisces...

Batman: Arkham Knight Let's Play #15 - Bruce Wayne

Batman: Arkham Knight, Let's Play Archive!

As I was going through the long and arduous process of re-uploading my Batman: Arkham Knight Let's Play videos in glorious HD and then updating the corresponding blog recaps, I realized that I had never written one for the finale! Perhaps I simply forgot; or perhaps I just didn't want the adventure to end... and in a sense, it hasn't yet! So here's an in-depth look at the thrilling conclusion of my own personalized version of Batman: Arkham Knight:

Episode 14 ended with the revelation that Robin (i.e. Tim Drake) had been abducted from the movie studios by Scarecrow, forcing us to deal with the game's main villain on his terms. In an interesting behind-the-scenes tidbit, even though I featured the completion of the Riddler side mission in the previous episode, that actually would not be possible when playing the game itself - the image of Robin's defaced and empty quarantine cell is one of the Riddler challenges you have to scan in order to gain access to his final boss fight. But I rearranged the order so as not to interrupt the flow of the story heading into the final installment. Incidentally, this episode was also where I first got the inspiration to record my voice-over commentary from the perspective of the game's playable character, although I wouldn't explore this concept fully until my Let's Play of Batman: Return to Arkham Asylum (which will hopefully be getting its own HD re-upload in the near future).

After surrendering to Scarecrow and getting into the back of a truck, we are launched into a fear-toxin hallucination where the truck crashes right into Crime Alley - the murder scene of young Bruce Wayne's parents - and we're forced to fight an endless stream of Jokers. I scored this sequence with a track from the Official Arkham Asylum soundtrack called "Playful Joker." This cue originally goes with the downloadable content where you play AS Joker, but I found it just as compelling to use it here in combat AGAINST Joker.

Speaking of music from Arkham Asylum, I use the music from the first game's opening sequence as we return to the actual Arkham Asylum, where Scarecrow has somewhat predictably set up shop for his endgame. I've noted several times throughout this playthrough that I've been pleasantly amazed at how perfectly the music from either one of the previous Arkham games or Batman: The Animated Series fits perfectly with many segments in Arkham Knight, and the part where Scarecrow unmasks Batman is a prime example. The music here is actually from the sequence in Asylum where Joker murders his Arkham guard escort and escapes from his comically flimsy restraints, but check out how it builds perfectly to Scarecrow's cameras revealing Batman's identity for all the world to see. I had to quickly fade in another track from Asylum for when Batman is administered with a quadruple dose of concentrated fear toxin (it's the part where Harley Quinn sends the secure elevator crashing down), but some editing work is to expected to make every moment land.

Speaking of editing work, this next segment is definitely one of the top three music edits I'm most proud of in the whole series. Batman's next hallucination features a group of villains crowded around our unconscious captive hero... who is revealed to be the Joker! (The implication here being that Batman's infected Joker blood has taken hold, and his transformation into his arch nemesis is complete.) For this bit of villains vs. villain banter, I used Stuart Balcomb's theme from the Animated Series episode "Almost Got 'Im." The comparison is appropriate, because here too, the contingent of rogue's gallery members ALMOST gets their man... before the Batmobile crashes through the wall, crushing Killer Croc, and drawing the attention of the army of henchmen. This one took some effort - the music track didn't line up perfectly like it did in the above example - but I think we can all agree I made it work pretty well.

At this point in the game, we take control of Joker as he slaughters dozens of henchmen with the "Jokermobile" and massacres the remaining supervillains, accompanied by the first licensed external music in the game since the opening sequence: "Only You" by The Platters. Later on in the hallucination, after the part where Batman shuts off the lights in an effort to regain control of his own psyche, I did some significant internal cutting to streamline the action here. In order to get past this part in the game, you have to do a lot of quiet, aimless, first-person wandering through the crypt-like halls of Batman's mind palace, which makes for some tense and creepy gameplay. But since my goal of these videos was to have as little empty space as possible to fill with commentary, I basically picked the best parts of Joker's inner monologue, and then trimmed the game action to fit the audio. Also, just to pat myself on the back once again, I have to say that the choice of the game show music from the Animated Series episode "Christmas With the Joker" to go under the Good Evening Gotham segment was particularly inspired.

But the number one top best music moment of this entire Let's Play follows soon after this, during the moment where Batman reveals that he knows Joker's greatest fear, and thus how to defeat him once and for all: "You're afraid of being ashes. You're afraid of being forgotten. And you will be forgotten, Joker... because of me." At this point, we regain control of Batman - immediately after he utters one of his most famous catchphrases ("I am vengeance. I am the night. I AM BATMAN!") - so that we can give the Joker one final beating and lock him away inside the dungeons of our mind. The above mentioned catchphrase comes from the Animated Series episode "Nothing to Fear," so it only makes sense that I would use music from that episode to punctuate this moment in the game... but the funny thing is that the music that (once again) just HAPPENS to fit perfectly here* is from a different part of that same episode!

* Since we're not talking about a cutscene, the perfect fit is partly dependent on how I happened to play at this point, and even then it required a bit of a trim in the editing process.

After Batman regains control of his senses, he is freed from his shackles by none other than Jason Todd, who has abandoned the Arkham Knight moniker to become the Red Hood, and injects Scarecrow with a taste of his own medicine. The resulting scene of Dr. Jonathan Crane being scared shirtless when confronted with Batman's toxin-enhanced visage, is a direct lift from the oft-referenced "Nothing to Fear" episode, and the music from that sequence once again works well here, even continuing into the denouement with Commissioner Gordon. (In the show, this part of the music goes under Bruce Wayne visiting his parents' grave, after he talked himself out of the toxin-induced belief that they would see him as a failure.)

The game then concludes with a series of cutscenes, interrupted briefly when we have to activate the Knightfall Protocol by making our way up to the Bat Signal on top of GCPD. This plan involves the shocking demolition of Wayne Manor, with Batman and Alfred seemingly inside at the time! I don't think anyone seriously believed that Bruce Wayne would commit suicide, or even less so that he would take his loyal butler down with him, and the idea that Batman isn't really gone is confirmed in a special 100% completion post-credits scene, where a seemingly fear-toxin wielding Batman terrorizes some criminals in an alley. I speculate on three possible interpretations of this scene in the last moments of my commentary on the video: 1) Bruce Wayne returned because he couldn't stay away, 2) Jason Todd gave up his Red Hood and took on the Bat-mantle, or (most controversially) 3) Scarecrow himself became Batman, succumbing to his greatest fear. There are several other possibilities - Tim Drake, Dick Grayson, even Azrael, whose side missions I left out of the Let's Play (maybe I'll include them in a bonus episode sometime down the line?) - but the use of fear toxin imagery leads me to believe it's one of the top three.

What did you all think of the ending of Batman: Arkham Knight? I'd love to hear your takes in the comments of this post, or the video itself. And of course stay tuned to this blog and the ryskmonger42 channel for more Baseball, Batman, and Video Game related content!

MLB 2019-20 Free Agents by Astrology Sign

One week ago today, MLB Trade Rumors posted their list of the top 50 free agents, complete with predictions of where they would end up for next season. Because I'm a compulsive list maker, I quickly organized a hypothetical roster out of the highest fantasy-scoring players on that list. That roster is presented below (along with MLBTR's rankings and predictions at the left), and after that, I present a look at some of the more high-profile names on this list through the lens of my unique baseball perspective, Fantasy Astrology!

Number 1 ranked MLB Trade Rumors free agent Gerrit Cole has also been the number 1 fantasy point scoring starting pitcher for Virgo over the past two seasons, both of which he spent with Houston. But he's been in the Maidens starting five for 4 of the past 5 years, dating back to his time with Pittsburgh. Speaking of the Pirates, Cole is actually their leading All-Decade starter, finishing ahead of his former Astros teammate Charlie Morton (a Scorpio) by just three games. VIR doesn't have another ranked FA until number 18, where Mike Moustakas puts his newly earned second base eligibility to use, as there are actually a couple of pretty decent third basemen ahead of him on the depth chart. Moose made the Virgo starting team at 3B 2 of the last 5 years, but was a regular feature at the hot corner with the Royals, with 885 all-decade games.

Will Harris, Cole's teammate and Astros playoff goat (not the same as the acronym G.O.A.T.), checks in next at 22. His first of three years making the Virgo bullpen (in which I keep track of up to 6 dedicated relief pitchers) was the same as Cole and Moustakas's, and he also leads Houston in all-decade appearances at 309. Ten spots later is center field-eligible Brett Gardner, who has the most fantasy astrology starting experience of Virgo free agents, with five seasons as a starter, although they came over a span of 10 years - the same span as my All-Decade project. Speaking of which, Gardy also has the most all-decade experience among VIR FA's, as he racked up 953 games in left field, plus another 422 in center, for the Yankees.

The most coveted position player on the free agent market should be world champion third baseman Anthony Rendon, a stalwart on the Gemini fantasy astrology team for 5 of the last 6 seasons. But who remembers that he actually broke into the league in 2013 as primarily a second baseman? Injuries and a position change across the diamond for franchise player (and Libra) Ryan Zimmerman cemented Rendon at the hot corner, where he has blossomed into one of the game's top players with the glove as well as the bat. But it's fascinating to imagine the prospect of him returning to his old defensive stomping ground to facilitate a signing with a team that already has an even better defensive third baseman. (Matt Chapman just won his second Platinum Glove in a row, I'm just sayin'...) The only other member of the astrology Twins on my list is sometime Cubs closer Steve Cishek, since I did the rankings by fantasy points rather than MLBTR rankings; which is also the reason why #4 ranked SP Zack Wheeler (1,635 points / 52.7 points-per-game) isn't up there, as he finished just behind Aries Jake Odorizzi in both categories.

The Cancer Crabs fantasy astrology team has been consistently pitching-poor since as far back as I've been able to measure (which is at this point the late 1990's), but for 7 of the past 8 years they've had a bona fide ace in Stephen Strasburg. I was frankly surprised that the Nationals' leading All-Decade starter (239 games) decided to opt out of the remaining $100 on his contract, given his low key nature and the unpredictable (almost collusively so) free agent market, but there's little doubt he'll beat his previous guarantee based on his absolutely incredible platform season. Teams will be wary of overpaying given his resume, but the adage that "past performance doesn't guarantee future results" cuts both ways with Stras, as it applies not only to his checkered injury history, but also to his World Series MVP-winning 2019 performance. The top relief pitcher on the market, lefty Will Smith, led the Cancer bullpen this year, and his role will be even more important given Blake Treinen's nosedive and Felipe Vazquez's criminal proclivities. Not listed is Strasburg's teammate and fellow playoff hero Howie Kendrick (he was ranked #30 with 1,398 points and 11.5 PPG), who I in all seriousness would like to see sign with the green and gold next year to replace Pisces Jurickson Profar at the keystone.

So far I've profiled signs from the Earth, Air, and Water elemental "divisions," and I'll close by looking at one player from each of the three Fire teams. NL ERA leader and first time All-Star Hyun-Jin Ryu led the Aries rotation after playing second (or more accurately sixth or seventh) fiddle behind Rams legends like Corey Kluber, Chris Sale, and Felix Hernandez since 2013. Speaking of second fiddle, Madison Bumgarner had been number 2 in the Leo rotation from 2013 thru 2016 (he led Lions starters in 2011 and '12, but settled in at number 4 in 2019, after a two-year gap), and each time he finished behind Max Scherzer. Although he's the DH in this lineup, Josh Donaldson is known almost as much for his glovework at third base as his potent bat, where he took over as the heir apparent of David Wright on the Sagittarius team - although he has twice been frozen out by other Archers such as Matt Carpenter and Justin Turner since he took the reins in 2013.

Valgod: a DnD Fan Fiction

art is from Swaggering Corsair by Scott Murphy

A half-elf and a minotaur walk into a tavern. This tavern is dark and dingy, as are most taverns in the port city of Dar Druev, but especially so on this part of the docks. And it's also filled mostly with out of work sailors... as are most taverns on the southern coast of the continent of Valgod. In fact, the dashing half-elf looks like he'd be more at home in a ship's rigging than on dry land, with a flowing mane of dark brown hair and a rapier at his side. The minotaur, on the other hand, cuts quite the figure of hired muscle, constantly throwing side-eyed glances at the patrons, never letting anyone get into a threatening position. For his part, the massive horned creature, with fur and skin so grey it looks almost blue in the right light, receives plenty of similar glances, as his undersized companion sidles up to the bar and orders two ales.

"Ah, now that's a foine ale you've got the-yeah," remarks a sturdy-looking high elf sitting on a nearby stool, in a heavy Earth-British accent. Next to him on the floor is a homemade sandwich board sign that reads Allen Goodfin's Knowledge Emporium! And underneath in smaller print, Where Learning is All In Good Fun... "Despite being known for its relatively cheap price, this particular batch is actually quite good quality, owing to its being made from a surplus of the finest wheat and barley from the southern valleys..."

As Allen Gootfin turns to the minotaur and goes on talking, the swashbuckler and his bodyguard give him a once-over. The elf is wearing polished scale mail, adorned with religious imagery, has a short sword and shield strapped to his side (both of Elven make, of course), but atop his head sits not a helm, but a tall pointed and brimmed hat best associated with Merlin, Gandalf, and other wizardly types. The two companions share a knowing glance.

"...the distillation process of grains from this district..." continues Allen, now addressing no one in particular.

"Thanks for the information, friend," the dashing rogue interrupts. "In fact, barkeep, kindly get one more ale for...mister Gootfin, is it? No, it's no trouble at all! My name is Sebastian Tweet, but my friends call me Seb. And this is my companion, Barrack."

"Of the Uda clan," pipes in the minotaur loudly, as he drains his ale in one shot. "Barkeep, another ale!"

"Why thank you very much, and pleased to make your aquaintances, Seb Tweet and Barrack Uda!" replies Allen gratefully. "And especially you, Mister Uda, as it's certainly rare to see a minotaur in these parts." Alan turns away from his new friends and addresses a random patron who has just approached the bar. "Originally from the land of Krynn, the minotaur are known as ferocious sea raiders, who rank as some of the most dangerous sailors in the world. But they are equally at home in the gladiatorial arenas of their homeland, which..."

"Excuse me, my friend," Sebastian breaks in once again. "But if you're truly in the knowledge trade, I might have some business for you." Seb reveals a ring that he has fastened on a chain around his neck. "You see, I came across this ring in my... travels, and I believe it holds great power. But I haven't been able to find out anything about it. Would you mind giving it a look?"

"Certainly, my lad," Alan eagerly begins inspecting the ring. "Hmm, it doesn't feel inherently magic. But I also sense that it could be used as a focus to channel great magical power. And... hang on a minute, what's THIS? It looks like there's a symbol carved onto the underside of the ring."

Elvish Rejuvenator by Winona Nelson

Allen holds the ring up for Seb and Barrack to see. "This symbol is associated with Desha, the Harmonist, one of the gods of the old pantheon of Valgod. These gods are now, of course, long forgotten, as they've all been missing since the destruction of the city of Old Stilgeras in The Tempest," Alan continues, this time turning to the barkeep, who has been doing his best to ignore these diatribes all day. "But the legend of Desha states that she was estranged and reclusive, and that she saw herself as the ultimate balancer. With full control over the forces of life and death, the dark deity held the greatest influence over the mortal world. She was a selfish and power-hungry figure, not at all like the patron deity of my clerical order, Ora Sen, the Skeptic, who champions thought and reason above all else..."

Sebastian only smiles and nods as Barrack continues pounding ales and Alan goes on pontificating long into the night.

===

As night falls over the harbor, three humanoids exit a tavern: a dashing half-elf, a gigantic minotaur, and a high elf carrying a homemade sandwich board under one arm.

"Well, Allen, it was a pleasure to meet you," says the half-elf, shaking Allen's free hand. "Thanks for the information about the ring, and good luck with your emporium business."

"You're very welcome, Sebastian," replies the full-elf. "And this knowledge DISPENSING business is only temporary. Once I drum up enough gold to pay for ship's fare, I'll be on my way in my quest to circumnavigate the continent of Valgod, so I can get back to more knowledge ACQUIRING..."

As Allen droned on, the minotaur perked up his ears and nudged Seb between the ribs.

"What is it, Barrack?" the rogue asks. As the minotaur points down the road, the three companions could make out the figure of an old man running towards them as he crested over the top of the hill. He was soaking wet, as if he just emerged from the sea, and he carried an ornate cylindrical container.

As the old man approaches, Barrack turns his six-foot, six-inch, 338 pound frame to block the path of the fugitive, who surprisingly continues running at full speed until he collapses into the arms of the minotaur. He thrusts the container into Barrack's hands and gasps, "Keep it safe!" before crumpling to the ground. At this point, the heads of five armed humans in pursuit also crest above the hill.

"Don't panic, old man, we'll help you out!" shouts Sebastian, frantically looking around, and then ushering the old man towards an unattended barrel on the side of the road. "Get in there and let me do the talking."

The man complies and crawls inside, as the water continues to drip off him and slowly fill the barrel. Sebastian plunks the lid on the barrel and sits on top of it as the five armed men reach him and slow to a halt.

"Nothing to see here, fellas," Sebastian calls out, doing his best to act casual.

"Hand over the old man, now!" shouts the clear leader of the group, wearing a finely crafted breastplate and armed with a distinctive bastard sword. He and the rest of his colleagues all wear green bandanas.

"Uh, I think he went that way," offers Sebastian, pointing down the street in the opposite direction. "If you keep running at top speed, you might just catch him."

"Are ye daft?" questions the leader. "I saw you stuff him in that barrel a minute ago! He's got something that belongs to us."

"Forgive me sir, but who is US?" asks Allen, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"You're telling me you don't know about the Glass Skulls?" laughed the leader, incredulously. "We OWN the streets of Dar'Druev, and anyone who gets in our way is gonna have to answer to the captain."

"Well, pardon me, but I'm not FROM Dar'Druev," answers Allen. "I make my home in Calphania, the High Elven city, far to the north. Our main exports are..."

"Shut up and give us that map!" yells the leader angrily, realizing that Barrack is still holding the old man's bundle.

Labyrinth Minotaur by Anson Maddocks

Barrack looks down at the bundle innocently, then back up to the leader. "Make me," the minotaur says.

The leader just chuckles and raises his sword. "Have at 'em, lads!"

Two of the thugs flank their leader and get ready with their spears, while the two in the back run up a nearby staircase and take sniping positions with their crossbows. The leader and the minotaur are already exchanging heavy blows, the former with his sword, the latter with his razor sharp horns, while the swashbuckler engages one of the lackeys in a dueling stance with his rapier.

Allen simply turns around and says, "As soon as I saw Barrack take that threatening stance in the middle of the road, I knew there was gonna be trouble. And I'm saying to myself, I just met these guys, I don't know what they're capable of, and I definitely don't want to get in over my head. But then there's this dripping wet fellow in the barrel, and I don't know WHAT to make of him..."

Meanwhile Sebastian runs his sword through his opponent's gut, just as Barrack is pierced by a crossbow bolt. This leaves him stunned enough that he couldn't dodge a tremendous hack from the leader's greatsword, briefly staggering the blue beast.

Allen's face suddenly turns grim with steely resolve. "But looking at the situation, I just didn't like the looks of these Glass Skull characters. So that's when I decided to let loose with a MAGIC MISS-eye-ull!" (The last syllables of which was of course the verbal component of the first level spell Magic Missile.)

In an awesome display of power, Alan whirls his hands in an arcane gesture, and sends FOUR magical bolts of energy at the leader, each shaped like a large library book. Each of the projectiles hit home, the last one tearing a hole in the warrior's throat.

Immediately the two snipers turn their attention to the magic user, allowing Barrack and Sebastian to double team the final spear lackey. However one crossbow bolt soars over Allen's head, while the other plinks harmlessly off his armor.

"Hey, you might hurt someone with that thing!" mocks Allen, looking derisively at the archer who came the closest. "I COMMAND you to DROP!"

Without a word, the archer lets their crossbow fall and drops to the ground. Their friend up on the ledge panics and runs, only to be met by the full fury of the Barrack's horns on the way down.

By the time the panicked archer had recovered their senses and reached for their bow, Sebastian had already deftly leapt up to the balcony and had his sword at their neck.

"Not so fast there," threatens the swashbuckler. "Why don’t you tell me what's so special about that map?"

"I-I-I don’t know," the archer replies, terrified. "Just sumthin the boss wanted, I swear!"

Sebastian looks them over and considers a bit. "Eh, I believe you," he concludes, running them through with his rapier. "Let’s find out what else that old wet dude knows."

But when Barrack opens the lid of the barrel, only water remains. The three adventurers look at each other, then at the map, then back down to the water.

"Anyone thirsty?" asks Sebastian with a coy smile.

Valgod: a Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition Adventure

All-Decade 2010-19 - World Series Edition

A couple months ago, I outlined the parameters of my "All-Decade Teams" project. At the time, I only had one full decade's worth of stats to work with (2000 thru 2009 - yes, I'm starting the decade at 00 and not 01, deal with it), but since then, with the conclusion of the 2019 regular season, I've been able to start creating a new database for decade #2. In honor of the World Series off-day, I'm going to take a brief look at the all-decade rosters of the two competing teams. Specifically, I'll be profiling just the players who are both all-decade leaders (according to games played) and currently on the roster. I'm starting with the Nationals, not because they're currently sitting on a 2-games-to-none series lead, but because the Washington franchise sported a better overall record than Houston over the course of the last decade: fourth overall, in fact, at 879-740, good for a .543 winning percentage.

Beginning with the starting rotation, both pitchers who have wins so far in the World Series are members of the Nationals' all-decade starting five. Former first overall draft pick Stephen Strasburg is not only the pitching staff's all-decade leader in games started, he also has the distinction of starting a game for the club in every year of the decade. Game 1 starter Max Scherzer technically slots in as the SP4 (remember, for this project I go strictly by games played), but in terms of pure talent and durability, he has unquestionably served as the team's All-Decade ace, AVERAGING just over 2,711 fantasy points per season since he signed with Washington prior to 2015. On the bullpen side, the current Nationals roster contains no top 5 all-decade relievers, a group headlined by Tyler Clippard (371 appearances) and Drew Storen (355).

While Ryan Zimmerman is technically behind Adam LaRoche by a handful of appearances at first base, it becomes clear why I gave him the starting nod when you look across the diamond (and past all-decade second baseman Danny Espinosa, who is not within the scope of this post). When you add in Zim's games at third base, he actually becomes the most prolific Nationals all-decade position player with 1,015 games total (he narrowly edges the recently departed Bryce Harper, who totaled 978 appearances between the three outfield spots). Another reason I included the second base tally in this excerpt was to remind everyone that Anthony Rendon, the clear all-decade leader at the hot corner, started his career primarily at the keystone, racking up a combined 928 games between the two infield positions. The only other all-decade starter on the WAS World Series roster is currently serving in a bench role: Michael A. Taylor amassed an agonizingly close 419 games in center field (beating Denard Span's 361), and hit a home run last night after coming in as a defensive replacement.

Hopping over to the Astros, the only two all-decade starting pitchers who were with the team in 2019 are not occupying those roles in the World Series, for various reasons. Collin McHugh (who also made 85 appearances out of the bullpen this decade) ended the year on the injured list, presumably for elbow issues that initially placed him there in May. Brad Peacock (add 94 relief appearances for him) has a game "started" on his resume during the postseason, but it was in an "opener" capacity in that pivotal Game 6 of the ALCS. I extended this excerpt to Houston's top 11 all-decade starters so we could see how Game 1 and 2 starters Gerrit Cole and Justin Verlander fall in the rankings. On the bullpen side, Will Harris leads all Astros pitchers with 309 all-decade appearances, while Chris Devenski, who made his first 2019 postseason appearance last night, sits in third place with 214 games.

It's kind of crazy that Houston finished this decade with a losing 789 and 831 record (.487) considering that their very impressive offensive core are predominantly all-decade starters. I guess that cluster of 100-loss tanking seasons didn't quite even out with the current streak of 100-win seasons. The overwhelming leader in games here is Jose Altuve, former AL MVP and reigning ALCS MVP. I heard somewhere that he's the only player to appear in every season since the Astros migrated from the NL to the AL, and I have no reason to doubt that (or to double check the numbers). Outfielder George Springer finishes second, when you consider his 258 appearances in center field - his multi-positional status is why his name appears in italics (see also Zimmerman, Rendon, McHugh, and Peacock... although I couldn't tell you why Lance McCullers is underlined up there). Next is Carlos Correa, who impressively put up almost 550 appearances, despite a lengthy injury history. During those injuries, Alex Bregman took over his customary shortstop spot, and adding his 129 games there would vault him past Jake Marisnick... until you add the 104 games that Marisnick played in the outfield corners. Yuli Gurriel would have some more games on his ledger if you consider his handful of times he appeared across the diamond at third, but even without those, he still finished comfortably ahead of Brett Wallace at first (remember him?).


There's a lot more to unpack in this database, which is still far from being finished. But until then, please continue to enjoy the World Series on your local FOX network, for at least the next two nights!

MLB One-Page Summaries - ALCS Edition

With the ALCS moments away from its pivotal Game 3 matchup, where one of the Astros or the Yankees will take a series lead in New York, let's look at those two teams' rosters, as I did with the NLCS teams last weekend. As a reminder, these one-page summaries were the very first baseball lists I ever put together, starting with stats from 2000. So with the completion of this year's version, I now have a whopping 20 years' worth of lineups, rotations, and bullpens in the books! But enough about me: here are the two teams vying to represent the American League in the 2019 World Series!

Houston finished 2019 with the best record in baseball, and their unquestioned top offensive performer was primary third baseman Alex Bregman. The Aries infielder could easily steal an AL MVP award from Mike Trout, due to his fully healthy season and defensive versatility - he took over at shortstop while Virgo Carlos Correa was on the injured list for a variety of maladies. Two other Astros put up Bregman-like production on a per-game basis, but didn't approach his full season fantasy point total: primary center fielder George Springer missed a month with a hamstring strain (although he was still Virgo's highest-scoring outfielder), while rookie designated hitter Yordan Alvarez didn't make his MLB debut until June (and he'll miss out on inclusion in the 2019 Cancer Crabs lineup due to the presence of ageless wonder Nelson Cruz at DH). Gemini corner infielder Yuli Gurriel benefitted greatly from MLB's homer-happy environment in 2019, finishing with 58% more HR's than his previous career high. Looking at the points-per-game column, it's clear that both Taurus second baseman Jose Altuve and Correa put up similar production, and would easily have cleared the 2,000-point threshold if not for injuries. In terms of player movement, the only qualified hitter (at least 200 PA) to leave Houston this season was underperforming first baseman Tyler White, who was shipped off to the Dodgers.

If 2019 Cy Young Award voters don't seriously consider splitting the honors between Houston's co-aces Justin Verlander and Gerrit Cole, then I'm not sure what the point of the award even is. Verlander just edges out disgraced Dodgers ace Clayton Kershaw as the longest-running current Pisces starting pitcher, while Cole's mastery was a big reason Virgo walked away with the Fantasy Astrology championship this year. The Astros picked up yet another ace to serve as their SP3 when they acquired Libra's top pitcher Zack Greinke from the Diamondbacks at the trade deadline. Curiously, Houston's projected fourth starter Wade Miley (who was also the SP4 of the Scorpio Scorpions) was left off the ALCS roster, leaving the team with an all-right-handed pitching mix. Aquarius relief pitcher Roberto Osuna has seemingly put his heinous domestic violence suspension behind him to once again post an elite season as a closer. In the rest of the bullpen, 13 was a lucky number, as three separate relievers averaged that many points per game. Remember that "P" is shorthand for a pitcher with at least five starts, but more games in relief than games started, and Jose Urquidy didn't make the list of primary starters because he didn't log the requisite 10 GS and 60.0 IP - although he did reach the 40 innings necessary for inclusion on the list in general.

The main story of the 2019 Yankees is how the team somehow managed to record more than 100 wins despite the majority of their roster spending significant time on the injured list. Two player who were not bitten by the injury bug were infielders DJ LeMahieu and Gleyber Torres, neither of whom are listed at their primary positions (as evidenced by the italics in the first column). New York signed the Cancer free agent LeMahieu as a utility infielder, and while he did fill that role, qualifying at first, second, and third bases, they probably didn't expect him to put up a career year while doing so. Torres spent the majority of his time in 2019 at shortstop (that "SS" should not be italicized over on the right, that was a mistake on my part), but the versatile Sagittarian moved to the keystone when Pisces Didi Gregorius returned from Tommy John surgery. Starters who didn't make NYY's playoff roster include DH Luke Voit (due to a prolonged slump) and left fielder Mike Tauchman (calf strain) - they were replaced by Edwin Encarnacion (who arrived in New York via trade) and Giancarlo Stanton (who played only 18 games in 2019 due primarily to a knee injury - and who's out once again with a balky quad).

Injuries also affected the Yankee pitching staff, as the ace from 2017-18 Luis Severino missed nearly the entire year with rotator cuff and lat issues. However, the Pisces hurler will be back to pitch this afternoon. In a shocking non-injury-related twist for this team, Leo Domingo German will not be eligible to participate in the playoffs due to a suspension for apparently slapping his girlfriend... in view of an MLB official at an event. Meanwhile, Scorpio Masahiro Tanaka (who's at the top of the list since it's arranged by innings pitched) has turned in a masterful postseason so far, while retiring veteran Cancer lefty CC Sabathia will work out of the bullpen for the last few outs of his career. New York''s bullpen has been a clear strength behind another Pisces Aroldis Chapman, but the two leaders in bullpen innings got there as either long relievers of "follow pitchers," i.e. those who enter in relief of an "opener," who in the Yankees' case was pretty much exclusively Chad Green. While we might see Green "open" game 4 (no starters have been announced as of this writing), it seems clear that Ottavino, Britton, and Kahnle will occupy the more traditional setup spots going forward.

MLB One-Page Summaries - NLCS Edition

I've only published one batch of excerpts from my mammoth spreadsheet tracking Fantasy Astrology Baseball lineups through the last two decades, but it's already time to move onto another type of baseball list. These one-page team summaries were my first attempt at tracking yearly baseball rosters vis-a-vis fantasy points, and although the layout and parameters have changed somewhat since the first time I did this exercise in the year 2000, the basic format remains the same. I finished putting the 2019 list together yesterday, just in time for the Nationals to go up on the Cardinals two games to nothing in the NLCS, so let's start by examining the rosters (i.e. lineup, rotation, and bullpen) of the National League's Wild Card winner.

This is a pretty easy one to start with, because the Nats had one of the more consistent starting lineups throughout the 2019 season. Beginning with the most relevant column - 2019 fantasy points - we see that MVP candidate Anthony Rendon and 20-year-old sophomore Juan Soto led the team offensively, so it makes sense that the Gemini and Scorpio (respectively) hit back-to-back home runs off longtime Dodgers (and Pisces) ace Clayton Kershaw to tie the decisive NL Division Series Game 5 on Thursday. Cancer Crabs shortstop Trea Turner also eclipsed the 2,000-point threshold, and if you look at his points-per-game column (in parentheses), you'll see that he produced at the same rate as Soto when healthy, but he missed time with a broken finger early in the season.

Now to explain some formatting quirks of the list. You might have already deduced that the positions listed to the left of the players' names are their primary positions, and the ones to the right (where applicable) are secondary positions, and you would be right... but ONLY when those secondary positions are in italics. The only example in this lineup is fellow CancerCrab and NLDS Game 5 hero Howie Kendrick, who qualified at both first and second base in 2019. However, when the italicized position is on the left, such as in the case of Virgo benchwarmer Matt Adams, that was NOT the player's primary position, indicating that I futzed with eligibility rules to fill a team's positional need. Indeed, National League teams don't have access to the DH (...yet!) but I list nine players in all 30 starting lineups so as to better compare overall point totals. You may have also deduced that players below the starting nine represent bench depth, but what's not so obvious is that the "^" symbol next to Taurus backup outfielder (and the Baby Shark himself) Gerardo Parra denotes that he was acquired midseason and spent time with another MLB team in 2019.

The 2019 Nationals have a starting rotation with one of the most impressive "Big Threes" in recent memory with Scherzer, Strasburg, and Corbin (a Leo and two Cancers, respectively). Despite his solid-not-great 2019 regular season production, manager Dave Martinez has made the argument to make that "Big Four" after Pisces Anibal Sanchez's stellar performance in Game 1 of the NLCS on Friday. In stark contrast to the starting staff, Washington's bullpen has been much maligned all year, and rightly so, with Libra closer Sean Doolittle and under-the-radar late-May waiver claim Javy Guerra the only relievers to average 10+ points per game. However, this list doesn't feature other more significant midseason acquisitions, such as new closer Daniel Hudson, tilted-cap-wearer Fernando Rodney, and former Mariners closers Roenis Elias and Hunter Strickland, because these four failed to rack up the requisite 40 innings and/or appearances necessary for inclusion on the list. Speaking of rules for inclusion, Austin Voth is down at the bottom, despite an impressive 2019 rookie season, because I require pitchers to rack up at least 10 games started and 60 innings pitched to make it into the list of non-italicized SP's (Voth had 8 GS and 43 2/3 IP). Also, the generic "P" next to Joe Ross's name is my shorthand for a "spot starter" type - a pitcher with more than 5 games started, but more relief appearances than starts (Ross started 9 games out of 27 total appearances).

At first glance, it's clear that St. Louis's offense doesn't feature the same scary performers as Washington's, as longtime Virgo first baseman Paul Goldschmidt needed a red-hot September to barely eclipse 2,000 points (he's AVERAGED 2,322 over the seven years prior to 2019). Scorpio Slugger Marcell Ozuna had a decent platform season heading into free agency, but you can see that he didn't log a full season by comparing his points/PPG columns (like Turner above, he too missed time with a broken finger). Leo shortstop Paul DeJong had a solid and healthy regular season, but he's recently been relegated to the 8th spot in the batting order in the postseason. Batting above him is rookie Taurus utility player Tommy Edman, who despite logging most of his brief MLB time in the infield so far, has gotten the lion's share of starts in right field, while veteran Aries Dexter Fowler moves to center, pushing Gemini defensive stalwart Harrison Bader to the bench (remember the NL does not get the benefit of a DH spot).

Beyond ace Jack Flaherty (who's a Libra), you can't toss a baseball into the Cardinals pitching staff without hitting a Virgo: not only were starters Adam Wainwright, Miles Mikolas, and Dakota Hudson all born between mid-August and mid-September, but the same is true of starter-turned-closer Carlos Martinez, and currently injured once-and-future closer Jordan Hicks. (His line appears in italics because, while he didn't reach the requisite innings/appearances totals, he accounted for over 20% of his team's save opportunities, earning him mention as a part-time closer.) This looks like a sound strategy for Cardinals management, since Virgo did win the fantasy astrology championship this year, after all. Beyond Martinez, Leo reliever Giovanny Gallegos has blossomed into a nice bullpen piece, making the trade of Luke Voit look much less one-sided - the Aquarius slugger isn't even on the Yankees' ALCS roster. Speaking of people left off rosters, John Gant didn't make St. Louis's, despite a solid regular season overall - although I guess he did post a 6.20 ERA in the second half. But with former postseason strikeout machine Andrew Miller and hard-throwing John Brebbia (both Gemini's) on the roster, I'd say STL's late-inning corps looks a bit more impressive than WAS's.

Astrology All-Decade Teams - First Excerpts

I'll be honest, last night's AL Wild Card Game very nearly sapped all possible interest I may have had in the rest of the baseball season. That A's loss, coupled with the newfound resistance the ownership group is facing in their quest to build a new stadium and keep the team in Oakland might dissolve my interest in the sport for the foreseeable future. But before I drift into the next round of the playoffs, where I'll uncharacteristically be hoping for the Astros to stomp their next opponent, I want to share the first excerpts from an Expansive List I've been working on that encompasses my entire baseball-watching history. This has to do not with the petty, corruptible accomplishments of real world MLB teams, but with a hypothetical fantasy realm, where rosters are constructed based on astrology.

Because when you think about it, dividing players by their astrological signs gives you a much clearer picture of their true level of talent, since there's no way for an astrology general manager to trade a player to a different sign. Of course, the whole concept of astrological signs in themselves is fairly arbitrary, but it's been established pseudoscience for centuries, and there's definitely less noise than having to take into account baseball's complex player development structure, the market factors that drive trades/acquisitions, and how personalities in both the front office or the dugout can affect any given player's standing with a particular team.

Anyway, since 20 years is a long time to think back on without any guidance, I'll start showing you bits and pieces of my list by outlining the most fantasy-relevant player of each team that participated in the Wild Card Games. (Wild Cards Game? Wilds Card Game?)

The first is Washington Nationals ace Max Scherzer, who has also led the Leo Lions for eight of the last nine years, and he'll no doubt return again this year. Keep in mind that the "SP1", "SP2", etc. in the position column are mostly arbitrary, and don't represent the sign's actual #1, #2, etc. ranked pitcher for any given year - they're arranged this way mostly with an eye towards maintaining continuity of the  same pitchers in the same columns for as many years as possible. But in Leo's case, a Bumgarner/Scherzer one/two punch would be pretty enviable to have for most of the decade.

I'm sticking with the National League here, because the losing team's top fantasy hitter has a career that goes back one year even longer than Scherzer, and stretches across two positions. Ryan Braun started his career for the Milwaukee Brewers in 2007 as a Rookie of the Year third baseman, but quickly shifted to the corner outfield, where he continued as a mainstay for the Scorpio Scorpions for eight of the next nine years (meaning he was in the starting lineup for nine out of ten years overall). Although he's now in the twilight of his career - and limited by injuries besides - Braun was still a big part of the Brew Crew's recent run of success.

For the ALWC winning Tampa Bay Rays, would you believe that outfielder Avisail Garcia is the top fantasy performer in Kevin Cash's bootleg lineup? And he only features prominently on the Gemini Twins because their squad has a historically thin outfield mix, and I stretched/completely ignored positional eligibility rules by pretending he's a regular center fielder (that's what the "*" means next to his name... plus most of the other outfielders in this screenshot). That's who the A's lost to: a team full of nobodies! That's who! ARGH why do I even let myself care about a sport that inspires me to feel such RAGE!?!?!

I'm convinced one of the main reasons why the Oakland Athletics lineup wasn't clicking down the stretch was the hip injury suffered by Khris Davis while making an ill-advised start in the outfield during an interleague game. This is yet another argument for the universal DH, a position to which Davis is confined, according to eligibility rules, and common sense, apparently. Fortunately, the Sagittarius Archers had a deep stable of outfielders to take over when "Khrush" was moved to his bat-only role, although he will surely miss the roster this year, after a down season.


Once I finish entering stats from 2019 into this database, I'll have a full 20 years' worth of Fantasy Astrology data to sort through. This includes yearly summaries of each sign's total output, allowing me to track the fortunes of these teams over two decades. It's a lot of tedious data-entry work, but it'll be more interesting than watching what's left of baseball in 2019...