All Stars and Baseball Cards 2018

On Thursday last week, I bought some baseball cards, since the MLB season is about one-fourth over, which is too long into a season not to have enjoyed some 2018-flavored cardboard crack. One of my favorite recent pastimes has been to buy some packs and construct a roster out of the players on the cards contained therein, not unlike a Magic Sealed Deck. Packs from this year's Topps set feature arguably the best player in the game on their cover, so imagine how excited I was to see that very player's card on top of my "sealed pool," so to speak, since the pre-boxed product I purchased from Target didn't actually include any "booster packs." I actually went to that particular retailer looking for seeded packs of Dominaria, but to no avail...

The next day, unrelated to my purchase of baseball cards, but quite related to the fact that the 2018 baseball season had reached its "quarter pole," I compiled a list of players I would include on my hypothetical All-Star ballot this year. As you might expect, the above-mentioned Mike Trout was among them, tying together two of my baseball activities this weekend, when I actually got around to building my paper roster. But he wasn't the only one! Here I'll present two lineups side by side, one made of actual good players chosen by me, and one randomly generated by a large corporation's packaging algorithm.

The player I'd pick to put behind the plate for my All-Topps team is someone I would consider voting for as NL All-Star catcher if he had a full season's worth of stats, but J.T. Realmuto missed time early in the season due to injury. Incidentally, the NL leader in fantasy points at the #2 position (and thus my hypothetical ballot-topper) is the same guy who backs up Realmuto on my card-team: Dodgers backstop Yasmani Grandal. (I picked the switch hitting Cuban over former All-Star Salvador Perez - who also spent some time on the DL this year - mostly due to situational platoon implications.) The clear top catcher in the AL, and in fact the major league, is Gary Sanchez, one of the big reasons the Yankees have been off to an MLB-best start.

At first base, my card team has Sports Illustrated-featured launch-angle specialist Joey Gallo. At least he was projected to play first for the Rangers in the offseason, but the slugger has actually spent the majority of his time in 2018 in left field, due to the emergence of rookie Ronald Guzman. Neither of these two would even sniff either of my first base All-Star ballots, with good old "First Place" Freddie Freeman leading the way for the NL. The AL actually has a decent positional battle going, at least in terms of fantasy points: C.J. Cron, an afterthought acquisition by the Rays after they traded away all their old power hitters, actually leads the league, but he's just a handful of points away from three-time All Star Hanley Ramirez, who has been splitting time at first base for the Red Sox with Mitch Moreland. This one is too close to call, but I'd say the more decorated player deserves the consideration here.

Another Brave tops the charts in terms of fantasy points at second base, with Ozzie Albies taking the league by storm in what is technically his sophomore season. He's just 21 years old, and he's already fast approaching that number of home runs on the year, leading  the team, and the league, with 13 of them through Sunday's action. In the AL, going by the numbers at the keystone, it's Rush fan Jed Lowrie, who has been absolutely on fire for the first 1.5 months of the season, although I wouldn't be surprised if Jose Altuve gets some MVP/World Series hangover effect votes. My Topps second baseman Brian Dozier came into this year a top ranked number 32 overall, but has scuffled out of the gates big time in Minnesota.

My Topps fantasy third baseman came in at exactly 100 ranks worse than Dozier, and is also off to a slow start in 2018, although for him it's been due to injury. Lamb plays for Arizona in the NL, whose starting All Star third baseman should be Kris Bryant, who if he's not technically the face of the Cubs, he's at least the one you'd most want on your side in a basebrawl. For the AL, I don't think anyone deserves an All Star nod at the hot corner more than Jose Ramirez, a position the Indians have let him settle into on a full time basis... despite the fact that he will be at second for his fantasy astrology Virgo team.

Shortstop is the third position where one of my All Star choices lines up with my Topps representative: Trevor Story of the Rockies. Based purely on the numbers, there is also a case to be made for Washington's Trea Turner, depending on whether you prefer power or speed. Actually, the top fantasy ELIGIBLE shortstop in the NL is Javier Baez, although I'm not counting him because he's taken over second base in Chicago. In the AL, it's fairly close between Manny Machado, a former third baseman who just moved back to his former-former position of shortstop this year, and Francisco Lindor, who's been a major league shortstop for much longer.

We've already talked about Mike Trout in the outfield, but he's actually not even the top choice for the AL. That honor goes to Mookie Betts, who has been showing why he trounced the Red Sox in an arbitration hearing over last offseason. An MLB-leading 15 home runs and an OPS above 1.200 on a team that could challenge for a World Series title is quite a way to start an MVP conversation. Flanking him in my All Star outfield would be Yankees juggernaut Aaron Judge, just to keep the rivalry going on the brightest stage. Incidentally, these were the two corner outfielders on the Divisional All-Stars runner-up AL East squad.

In the NL, the player who is almost solely responsible for the "arguably" from way up in the first paragraph, Bryce Harper, gets the top spot among NL outfielders. While Harper is definitely center field CAPABLE, I like to have a center field ELIGIBLE player on each of my ballots, and while the numbers would point to A.J. Pollock at this point in time, the fact that he's down with a significant injury should sap some of his votes. Even if he were to get elected somehow, it just so happens that his replacement in the top three - Colorado leadoff hitter Charlie Blackmon - also patrols center field. For the third spot, you have to take a long hard look at Nick Markakis, whose league leading 60 hits and very respectable .935 OPS are making a lot of people question whether they were wrong when they said his best years were behind him.

The rest of my Topps outfield/DH mix consists of two more quality center field options in George Springer and Brett Gardner, leaving a Kyle Schwarber/Matt Kemp platoon to fill in for an injured Yoenis Cespedes at the DH slot. Speaking of the DH slot, J.D. Martinez is the obvious choice here for the AL, and not just because of his prolonged search for a contract last offseason. And since I don't yet get to select a DH candidate for the NL (even though the All Star Game itself has evolved into using the universal DH) or pitchers, that concludes my All Star ballot.

It does NOT conclude my Topps team, since I DO get to select pitchers for that. My top two options both pitched today (Sunday 5/20): both Stephen Strasburg and Carlos Carrasco took losses, against the Dodgers and Astros, respectively. Jon Gray is the budding ace of a young and promising Rockies team, as he leads the starting staff in both strikeouts and FIP, which is better than his actual ERA by more than 2 runs. Steven Matz is still considered one of the Mets' most promising young hurlers, despite injury troubles and middling performance this year. And Nick Pivetta has gotten off to a much better start than currently-injured Zach Davies, despite a preseason ranking that was more than 250 spots worse.

My Topps bullpen has perhaps the most celebrated righty and lefty options in the game right now, Boston closer Craig Kimbrel and Cleveland high leverage long relief type Andrew Miller -- it's almost too perfect that they're both Geminis. The pitcher with the second most closing experience has to be Greg Holland, who has had nothing short of a nightmarish start with the Cardinals, after turning down TWO different superior contract offers from his 2017 team, the Rockies. Delving into setup territory, Dellin Betances is apparently not at all suited to pitch in the ninth inning of any game, according to Yankees ownership's stance in their arbitration case against him last year. Going deep, we have a second lefty in Danny Coulombe (whose card still has the out-of-style "Daniel" printed on it), and fight-starter Amir Garrett to round out the relief corps.

Dominaria Fan Fiction 01 Sealed Deck Battle

"To start today's lesson," began Marius the Benalish Marshal, "here is a quote from the history of Benalia:

“Some aspire to climb the mountain of Honor. The Benalish are born upon its peak, and from there ascend among the stars.”

"Yeah, sounds to me like the athlete who was born on third base, and spent their whole life thinking they hit a triple," scoffed Betty, a footsoldier.

"You got that right," echoed, the Sergeant at Arms. He continues:

Knights get the glory. Soldiers get things done.

"Then perhaps Betty would like to demonstrate the next maneuver," snapped Marius, tossing a Jousting Lance in her direction, and nodding his head towards the artifact creature at the other end of the practice field. It looked like a medieval crash test dummy come to life, and it wandered around haphazardly, only dimly aware of its surroundings, waiting for something else to smack it across the face or torso area.

Betty took a deep breath as she stepped into the arena, leveled her weapon, and let out a war cry as she tilted toward her foe: "For New Benalia!" She braced for impact as her lance was about to hit home...

But just then, the construct vanished. Expecting to be pushed back, and now wildly off balance, Betty stumbled forward and landed flat on her face. The rest of the platoon gasped, and then looked around, bewildered. The shock quickly wore off - the Benalish army was well familiar with the methods of the wizards of Tolaria West, who could make things vanish in the blink of an eye - but the marshal stroked his chin suspiciously, convinced that there was something deeper going on...

===

Suddenly, a Sparring Construct appears in the middle of a swamp. After a moment of appearing stunned at its new surroundings, its attention perked up, and it appeared to be moving with a renewed sense of purpose, as though being controlled by a higher will. Then a blunt arrow twanged into its shield, and the animated object twirled around comically.

The arrow came from a bow held by a woman in leather armor, who appeared to be moving with the same will as the construct... "Sorry buddy," remarked the D'Avenant Trapper, "but it couldn't hurt to get a little training in." Suddenly she felt a rush of wind, as the wings of a humanoid bird, also in leather armor, swept down and displaced the air.

"Excuse me," the said Aven Sentry, bowing low, “My flock flew from a distant continent ruined by cataclysm and war, and we were hoping that Benalia could give us shelter to end our... OW!”

The bird creature was struck by an arrow, this one tipped with a small magical device that exploded upon impact, leaving them stunned and temporarily helpless.

The archer winked at the artifact by her side, and pulled out a different arrow, this one sharp and made to deal damage. She turned her attention to a different unseen force, this one behind the struggling form of the bird soldier, and let fly. The sparring construct waded in after her and swung at the same force with its blunt sword.

"What... That... I really don't think that was necessary," muttered the Aven, as they righted themselves. "I was merely trying to establish a... oh, hello there fellow!" The bird was now addressing another construct that had wandered in from the plains, this one voltaic in nature. "Perhaps you might be more amenable to discussing my plight. You see, my flock flew..."

The archer just rolled her eyes and let fly with another arrow, as she whispered an old D'avenant verse:

“Go swiftly, clever arrow, and teach The philosophy of stillness.”

The bird was again indisposed, and the team ran back into the fray, only this time the sparring construct jumped back into a defensive position much quicker.

"I really don't understand this aggression!" the Aven sputtered. "I'm trying to get to New Benalia. I thought they could help... hold on, what's that?"

As the sun began to set behind a nearby chapel, the light became filtered through an ornate stained glass window. As the multicolored prism fell on the winged sentry, its feathers began to smoke and sizzle. Before the Aven could even let out a squawk-like shriek, the Blessed Light had burned it clear to ashes.

"I guess darkness isn't the only thing the mage-smiths who made that window wanted to cast out of Benalia," remarked the D'Avenant Trapper, as she once again made to attack. But suddenly, standing in her way was another Aven Sentry, wearing slightly different armor than the first.

"Hail and well met, travelers," the bird creature began. "My flock flew from a distant continent, ruined by cataclysm and war. Do you think the continent of Benalia would... oh hello there!" This soldier was addressing a mechanical owl that had just flown in. "Perhaps you would like to hear of my plight. You see, my flock flew from a distant..."

The archer just shook her head as she and her ever-increasing number of mechanical friends jumped in to attack. But this time, they met some resistance in the form of green plant-like creatures, which the trapper knew as Saprolings. But when the archer returned to her side of the battlefield, she was joined by two scrawny looking Clerics.

"Ugh, where are we, Huey?" mumbles one of them, looking quite disoriented. He sounds just like one of the guild henchmen from Venture Bros.

"Isn't it obvious, Dewey?" the other one proclaimed. "The magic that brought us here, signaled the start of the dreaded... Rite of Belzenlok?!" Lightning strikes here why not, as the two of them start chanting:

“The Demonlord has ruled every age. Every ruin, myth, and nightmare proves his power.”

===

Across the plains, the bird soldier is just standing up from prone when there's a rustling in the bushes behind him. Suddenly, the Benalish Marshal from earlier jumps out of the nearby forest, holding a gleaming metal device.

"Hail and well met, bird." called out the knight. "My name is Marshal Marius Soot-Cliff; or Marshal Soot-Cliff for short. (Channel Fireball attorneys make eye contact with me and shake their heads no.) "OK just Marshal is fine. This Navigator's Compass shows that the aether trail of one of my training artifacts leads this way, and... oh, there he is!"

Looking far across the battlefield, the familiar sparring dummy seems to recognize its former master. It waves in acknowledgment.

"It's a good thing you're here," muttered the aven. "I just saw two token Cabal clerics show up. And they've been using some type of magic to, ARGH WHY DOES THAT KEEP HAPPENING!"

Now moving back across the battlelfield, as the D'Avenant Trapper dusts off her bow, something catches her eye. As she reaches for it, she recoils, as it's quite freezing to the touch. She fiddles with the device, and next to the aven, the marshal lets out a yelp, then goes completely stiff as a board. A similarly stiff breeze comes and tips him over.

"I could get used to this Icy Manipulator," the trapper coos, as she notches another arrow. From behind her, two more Clerics are flung into the fray.

"Hey Louie, check it out!" one of the new arrivals shouts. "There's the other two! Hey guys! It's me, Gooey!" This one should be female and sounds like Dr. Girflriend (or rather Lady Au Pair).

"Oh, goody, we're all here!" calls Louie, "Should we do the rest of the verse?"

"It doesn't matter," chides Huey, their leader. "We don't have to say it for the spell to take effect. We don't all even have to be here!"

"Oh come on!" whines Dewey. "I wanna do the verse."

"Fine, whatever!" Huey and the rest all start chanting:

“My heart is not mine, it is Belzenlok’s. All hearts are his, and all blood.”

===

Betty the token Benalish soldier crests a far off hill as more lightning strikes in the distance. She's helped up the hill by one other soldier. Her arm looks injured, as well as her pride.

"Woah, careful up there!" calls out Sarge, following behind. "Looks like some pretty serious Black magic! You might want to hang back..."

"Are you kidding?" grins Betty, grimly. As she got within range of the marshal, her aches and pains seemed to vanish, and she brandished her spear. "I want to see the fireworks."

In a minute, she's not disappointed. The Saga that the clerics were chanting having been completed, a blast of mana explodes from the swamp, and an imposing Demon rises up into the air. It cackles maniacally. The trapper takes cover behind the two unfazed artifact creatures, but the eyes of the clerics widen with pure malicious joy. They chant gleefully:

“All hail the Demonlord Belzenlok, Evincar of the Stronghold, Scion of Darkness, Doom of Fools, Lord of the Wastes, Master of the Ebon Hand, Eternal …”

Dewey pauses and interrupts the ritual. "Hold on... wait, wait, wait... This is not Belzenlok?"

"Yeah, that does not look anything like the pictures in the ancient texts," muses Louie, looking through his book.

The demon redoubles its cackling, sounding slightly more nervous than before, trying not to notice the chatter below.

"Excuse me," cries Dewey, "but this was the rite of BELZENLOK, so we were sort of hoping that the actual Demonlord Belzenlok would appear, it looks like you're just a token..."

"SILENCE!" Bellows the demon! "I'm a perfectly fine, powerful demon! Look at my fiery hair! Look at my moody wings!" It sounds like Griffin McElroy, using the voice modulator from THE ADVENTURE ZONE podcast intro. "I even have flying and trample, just like the real thing."

"Psshh! Yeah, OK, FLAMPLE" guffaws Gooey, "but where's our free spells? And why would you deal damage to...?"

"Wha... FLAMPLE!? How DARE you..." the token screams. "I demand a SACRIFICE!"

The clerics all jump up and down giddily, except Gooey, who just gives a skeptical look. "Ooh ooh me me!" the first three shout. "We beg for the knife. Death is just another mark of devotion!"

"This is some dark sh**T" remarks the sergeant.

"You're tellin mEEHP--" replies the marshal, muffled as he's constantly hit with the Icy Manipulator. The Voltaic Servant crackles, and Manips also gets the bird soldier, who has just broken down weeping at this point. It's a real engine working over there.

Meanwhile, the demon token is unimpressed by the clerical invocation. Instead, its eye falls upon the sparring dummy. A flourish of magic erupts from deep within its being, and the robot explodes into spare parts. The demon swoops down and picks up part of its dull broken sword, which bursts into dark flame, then jams into the red zone, hitting for seven, thanks to that extra counter.

"BEHOLD THE POWER OF THE GLORIOUS DEMONLORD!" shouts Huey. "Take me next! Me next!"

"Uhhhh, that's not the demonlord," warns Gooey. "And did you guys see what happened to that robot? I know it's not even sentient, but that looked... painful..."

Just then the trees in the woods started to shake. The massive attack had apparently unearthed something from deep within the heart of the forest. Not just a giant, but a MAMMOTH spider emerges, tall enough to reach high into the sky.

The faces of the White Benalish forces brighten up for just one moment at the appearance of a large green defender against the massive threat in the skies... but then a tendril of magic shoots up and Eviscerates the arachnid on the spot.

The demon continues cackling. "You know what? I'm taking DEWEY next!"

"YES! THE ANTICIPATION!" blurts Huey. "It's almost as delicious as actually being devoured by the dark magic!"

"Do you hear yourselves!?" yells Gooey, alarmed. "I don't think I'm up for this Cabal stuff anymore..."

A burst of dark magic swallows up a cleric, and the demon swings once more unto the breach, this time over the head of an Elf Knight wearing a badass eyepatch; one eye open to see the truth of the world, one eye covered to gaze at the goddess within. But depth perception wasn't a problem for the Steel Leaf Champion, since he was strapped into the saddle of a giant green scaly creature with dozens of sharp pointy teeth. But none of that mattered, as Elf and Beast alike were promptly tapped down with the artifact formerly known as the bone crank.

The marshal cast a helpless glance at the Elf, looking more and more dismayed. "Call..." he struggled, between blasts of the icy manipulator, "Karn..." he finished, before everything went black.

===

What will happen in Game 2 of this epic Match? Find out next time... Back by popular demand only.

Dominaria and Magic Pronunciation

Last weekend, I participated in both days of the Dominaria Draft Weekend event, getting the opportunity to test my skills against other players who want to familiarize themselves with the new format. I would have written about it at the time, but I was in the home stretch of my 30 Teams in 30 Days project to celebrate the start of the baseball season, and I didn't want to distract myself. But getting the chance to play against some real life opponents not only gave me a chance to show off the extensive research I did into the new set, but also brought into focus the second-weakest part of my Magic game: pronunciation.

I first came across this particular pitfall almost a month ago, when the official Magic website posted a link to an exclusive Italian language preview card, Rite of Belzenlok (aka Rito di Belzenlok), an Enchantment of the Saga subtype, which is new to Dominaria. I am a little bit familiar with the ways to say some of the key Magic terms in different languages (thanks to a rabbit hole I once went down on my former favorite Magic card searching database magiccards.info, which includes easily accessible links to various foreign language printings of each card), so I decided to attempt to figure out what this card was all about without looking at the English card image gallery. I got the general idea that the Saga was all about creating creature tokens (pedine di creatura): first you get some of the Cleric type (Chierico), then one giant Demon (Demone), who requires you to sacrifice another creature (sacrifica un'altra creatura), otherwise it deals 6 damage to you (ti infligge 6 danni).

After that experiment went so well, I scanned the text of the article, not understanding much, but doing my best to sound it out in my best Italian accent. When I came to the name of the set, I instinctively pronounced the last three syllables starting with a soft, open "AH" sound, like an "aria" from an opera. This is in contrast to how I had been saying it in my head while reading English articles, which rhymed with the English word "area," but I immediately thought that the Italian version sounded more correct. My suspicions were confirmed when I watched the official trailer for Dominaria, in which the Silver Golem Planeswalker Karn pronounced the name of the plane "dom-in-AH-ree-uh" in his deep, metallic voice. Incidentally, the new card representing that character (Karn, Scion of Urza) is the most expensive card in the set and one of the most powerful. Two weekends ago, I opened a Karn in the prerelease pack that I bought after the fact, since I was busy for the prerelease tournament itself, but I did sell my copy of Karn back to the store to pay for my draft on Sunday, and then some.

My Saturday draft deck didn't have anything as exciting as Karn, but I did first pick Helm of the Host, a Legendary piece of Equipment that lets you copy one of your creatures per turn, which was the start of a pretty decent "go wide" deck. I went into Green because of Yavimaya Sapherd (which is just good two-for-one value), and then into White thanks to a Mesa Unicorn (I ended up getting three of those total), and then was rewarded for my strategy by a late Shanna, Sisay's Legacy, who gets a bonus based on how many creatures you have in play. I never got to cast Shanna in any of my matches, but it felt good knowing that she was in my deck.

My Saturday Draft Deck List. Note the Red splash, and the one-too-many "Fiery Interventions"

The only thing I knew about my opponent's deck going into Match 1 was that he had apparently first-picked a card more for fun than playability, and then tried really hard to force it through the rest of the draft. I had a pretty good idea of what card he was talking about when a panoply of Swamps, Mountains, and Forests entered the battlefield, so I was not expecting it when he dropped a different mythic rare legendary build-around card, Jaya Ballard, a planeswalker who is the focus of the most recent official Magic Story. I was also not expecting the way he pronounced the character's first name: like he was saying "Jay and Silent Bob," but without the "nd Silent Bob."

If it were me casting this spell, I would have pronounced the first part of her first name like the first syllable in "gyroscope." This is based on examples from both the real world and Magic history -- also that's how my wife pronounced it, after she reluctantly agreed to look at the card and give her input. I know someone with the same first name as the Planeswalker from Conspiracy named Kaya, Ghost Assassin, and she does not pronounce it like you would say the letter "KAY-uh." Also, the Shard of Alara called Naya is pronounced like Bill "NYE-uh" the Science GUY-uh, and those both only have one letter differences from Jaya. Speaking of GUY-uh, that's how I would pronounce cards like Gaea's Blessing, but I have a friend who plays with a Gaea's Cradle in one of his Commander decks, and he has been pronouncing it GAY-uh since Urza's Saga, which is also how my wife said it when I showed her this card (shortly before she told me to stop bothering her), so I guess the jury's still out on that one.

However you pronounce it, I made a mistake in handling that card that likely cost me the game, if not the match. I had managed to Helm of the Host-up my Dubbed Mesa Unicorn, which in itself is a strange circumstance: we're talking about a mythical horse-like creature, upon whom had been conferred the title of Knight, and who is wearing a sweet headpiece that creates a copy of it each turn. On top of that, my Unicorn was further enhanced by another Saga, Triumph of Gerrard, a card that comes with a couple of pronunciation issues itself. First of all, most Americans would agree to say that name as juh-RARD, while British English speakers would say JERR-ard nine times out of ten. But it's when you look closer at the triumphant Gerrard's last name that things get a little more complicated.

When I started playing Magic, around the first Zendikar block in 2009, the game's story had long since left its home plane behind, so characters like Gerrard Capashen were not exactly relevant to the conversation. But whenever I read stories about the human element of Urza's Legacy Weapon, in my head I would always pronounce it CAP-uh-shen, emphasizing the first syllable, like baseball cap, or the Greek letter kappa. However, the majority of the times that I would hear other people say the name, they would pronounce it cuh-PAY-shen, emphasizing the second syllable. The first time this happened was when my opponent played a Capashen Knight against me at the Magic 2014 prerelease, and it was corroborated by Marshall Sutcliffe in the Limited Resources set review of Dominaria when discussing Gerrard's offspring, Raff Capashen. (Later in that same podcast, Luis Scott-Vargas used my preferred pronunciation when covering Raff's sister Danitha, but I suspect that he might have been trolling us all, as he made a point of pronouncing her first name as dun-EE-the -- and then later dun-EYE-the, but that one was obviously a joke -- when I'm pretty sure it's supposed to rhyme with the first name of racing legend Danica Patrick.)

I'm willing to go with the accepted wisdom here, which I did whenever I announced that I was casting Raff Capashen, whom I drafted for my Sunday deck, but once again, like my pick of Shanna, it was only after I had established myself in Blue-White fliers. But I'd also like to go on record by saying that I think that it's dumb to pronounce it where the second syllable rhymes with the first part of PayPal. And here's why: you have the letter "a" appearing twice in the same word, basically right next to each other, but we're supposed to pronounce it a different way each time? That just sounds like a recipe for confusion. Granted, when you say my way really fast, the first "a" sounds more like "after," and the second one sounds more like "under," but it's the same basic principle.

My Sunday Draft Deck List. Note my custom playmat, based on the Magic Online interface.

This issue didn't come up in my first game on Saturday, as the card I had just cast didn't include Gerrard's last name. It did, however, include rules text that grew my 4/4 Unicorn Knight into a 6/6 over the first two turns after I cast it, and then gave it flying on turn 3, enabling it to soar over my opponent's random Saprolings gumming up the ground. It was at this point that I made a crucial error: I attacked my opponent directly instead of sending Sir Unicorn at Jaya, who had exactly 6 loyalty at that point. Here was my reasoning: I was going to have plenty of Unicorns -- in addition to the original, my Helm had already given me two tokens and counting -- and it was still three turns before Jaya could access her ultimate ability, which would give my opponent the ability to cast Instant and Sorcery spells from his graveyard. I thought for sure I'd be able to at least get a couple of attacks in before that happened. But multiple Fungal Infections later, and the shields were up around Jaya, and I had no way to stop her ultimate from popping. Pretty soon my team was decimated by removal spells long since cast already, paving the way for the build-around card my opponent had picked first in the draft...

But by way of telling you the name of that card, first I'm going to tell my favorite Magic pronunciation story ever. Back in the day, my friend had a burn deck that included a certain board sweeper that, for the low low price of two mana, would deal 1 damage to each creature without flying and each player, but if you paid the kicker (an additional 2 mana), it would deal 4 damage to each target instead. Whenever my friend would cast said spell, he would declare, "I cast breath of Drogzia (pronounced DROG-zee-uh)." Now, this card was from back when Magic cards were printed with the hard-to-read white font, so we didn't look at the name too closely: we would recognize it by the picture, let out an exasperated groan, and then move all our creatures to the graveyard.

Later on, when our regular playgroup settled in at five players, we developed a new way to play: we pooled all our card collections together, divided them into five mono-colored decks, and assigned one deck to each player. Then we would play a multiplayer game, but not a straight up free for all: we would sit in the order of the color wheel, and you could only win if the players in your two enemy colors were defeated. It made for some really fun games and some fascinating political interactions. One day, when I was assigned the red deck, I noticed something about my friend's board sweeper, and proclaimed it loudly to the group: Drogzia was in fact WAY off, and the real name of the card was Breath of Darigaaz! We all had a good laugh... then we all let out exasperated groans and moved all our creatures to the graveyard.

Back to the present day, my opponent did in fact have Darigaaz Reincarnated, which finished me off quick-snap in game 1. Then I was hopelessly mana screwed in game 2 -- I don't think I cast a single spell, despite starting the game with Shanna and two plains in my hand -- and just like that, there went my hopes of going 3-0 in the draft. I did, however, win my next two matches, and took home two packs as prize support. I had the same record on Sunday with my classic UW skies deck, which included not only the aforementioned Raff, but two Academy Drakes, two Aesthir Gliders (pronounced EYES-theer?), two Cloudreader Sphinxes, and a Tempest Djinn. When faced with the decision whether to take the two packs or $6 in store credit, I took the packs, and opened up... you guessed it, another Karn, Scion of Urza!

So that's the story of how I essentially got two drafts and a prerelease pack for free, thanks to two pieces of cardboard, a card that, no matter how much you try to convince me, I'm not going to pronounce CAIRN, sk-EYE-on of YOUR-zuh...