MLB All-Acquired 2017 Trade Deadline Edition

UPDATE: It's been a week since the trade deadline, and in my typically late-to-the-party fashion, I'm just now ready to update my All-Acquired list. Since this is technically the Trade Deadline Edition, I'm ignoring the August revocable waiver trades that have already altered the 2017 All-Acquired landscape and sticking with the players who were moved on or before the 7/31 non-waiver deadline. Updated names are highlighted in yellow, older parts of the post are underneath a === break, and fantasy points are as of the All-Star Break.

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With less than a week to go before MLB's always exciting trade deadline, it's time to start constructing a roster out of the players who have changed teams during the season. Obviously, this list will look a little threadbare until next Monday, but starting this process now will give some insight into which teams had the foresight to get their midseason shopping done early. So here's a position-by-position look at all the players who were either traded, claimed off waivers, or released/signed by new teams as of the start of the 2017 season, with fantasy point totals listed as of the All-Star Break.

STARTING PITCHER
Yu Darvish - 1,085 (57.1) TEX --> LAD
Jose Quintana - 682 (37.9) CHW --> CHC
Sonny Gray - 637 (49.0) OAK --> NYY
Trevor Cahill - 494 (54.9) SDP --> KCR
Jeremy Hellickson - 624 (34.7) PHI --> BAL


Jaime Garcia - 492 (30.8) ATL --> MIN --> NYY
Erasmo Ramirez - 448 (19.5) TBR --> SEA
Francisco Liriano - 326 (23.3) TOR --> HOU
Parker Bridwell - 277 (46.2) bal --> LAA
Mike Pelfrey - 283 (17.7) DET // CHW


UPDATE: While I stand by my earlier evaluation of Jose Quintana as the most valuable pitcher to change teams during the deadline season (due to his future team control), Yu Darvish takes the cake when you consider pure stuff and talent in the present. Traded at the 11th hour by a Texas team that hadn't committed to selling until moments before the deadline, Darvish didn't even cost the Dodgers one of their "untouchable" top two prospects (Alex Verdugo and Walker Buehler) although a package of three prospects headlined by near-MLB ready infielder Willie Calhoun is a steep price to pay for a pure rental. But regardless of the cost, he gives Los Angeles a bona fide second ace to slot in behind Clayton Kershaw, and in front of arguably their THIRD ace Alex Wood. I don't like to use terms like "World Series Favorites" in August, because the playoffs are such a crapshoot, but the boys in blue look pretty stacked this year.

Quintana wasn't the only upper echelon controllable starter traded at the deadline, as the long-speculated Sonny Gray-to-the-Yankees deal finally came to fruition. While Athletics GM Billy Beane wasn't able to pry loose any of New York's top prospects (Clint Frazier, Justus Sheffield, or even Estevan Florial), he still ended up with some tremendous upside in the tremendously injured James Kaprielian and Dustin Fowler, plus a speed-first up the middle guy in Jorge Mateo. But I guess when everybody knows that you're addicted to making trades for the sake of making trades, sometimes you have to be content with your second or third tier asks. The Jeremy Hellickson trade was a bit of a head-scratcher, given that the Orioles are not really sniffing contention at this point in the season, but sometimes you just need dependable innings in your rotation. Francisco Liriano will likely be used as a reliever by his new team, the Astros, whereas the opposite is true for former swingman Erasmo Ramirez.


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Regardless of what happens with Yu Darvish and Sonny Gray, Jose Quintana could very well end up being the most valuable pitcher moved before this year's deadline. While his numbers haven't been overpowering this year, he not only has a long track record of excellence, but he also comes with affordable club options through 2020. With the Cubs stumbling out of the gates following their dramatic World Series win, a move of this caliber could have been the boost they needed to make up ground against the first place Brewers in a very unsettled NL Central race. Kansas City made a move for a resurgent Trevor Cahill for much the same reasons - they are within spitting distance of first place in the AL Central and are hoping to make one last playoff push before their core hitters all become free agents after the season. I will always root for Jaime Garcia, as he's the only major leaguer who shares my birth day and date, and while he's been more solid than great lately, he should provide the Twins with some rotation stability as they try to catch both the Royals and the Indians in the their division.

Now for the players who will undoubtedly fall off this list in a week's time, if not sooner. Mike Pelfrey signed an ill-fated two-year deal with Detroit prior to last season, was released earlier this year, and was given a chance to eat some innings for the out-of-contention White Sox by way of a minor league deal. While underperforming veterans like Bartolo Colon (-119 fantasy points on the year) and Doug Fister (7 total points) have more name recognition, if I were filling out an all-acquired rotation at this time, the fifth spot would have to go to rookie Parker Bridwell. The Orioles traded the unheralded 25-year-old to the Angels out of DFA limbo, after which he has turned in 7 starts (and a relief appearance) while maintaining an ERA just above 3.

CLOSER --> CLOSER
AJ Ramos - 811 (23.9) MIA --> NYM

UPDATE: I've expanded the categories for relief pitchers based on the roles they occupied with their former teams compared to the roles they are slated to play with their new teams. The distinction is important because most contending teams already have established closers, and any relievers acquired by those teams, even if they finished games for their previous teams, are more likely than not to slide into setup roles. In fact, the only traded closer who should remain in that role is new Mets reliever AJ Ramos (if the Mets are ever on the right end of a save situation again), and that's only the case because New York sent its old closer to Boston to set up Craig Kimbrel.

SETUP --> CLOSER
Sean Doolittle - 362 (16.5) OAK --> WAS

UPDATE: The Washington Nationals are the exception to the above mentioned rule, as their bullpen troubles have been a major focus leading up to the trade deadline season, prompting them to make not one, but three significant additions to their pen. While former Twins groundball machine Brandon Kintzler was putting up the best fantasy numbers of any traded reliever, it's been former A's closer-turned-setup-man Sean Doolittle who has been getting the bulk of the save opportunities since his acquisition, even after Kintzler's arrival. I'm hoping Doolittle's arm holds up for a deep playoff run with Washington, since he has a reputation as a class act and deserves some time in the spotlight.

CLOSER --> SETUP
Brandon Kintzler - 1,117 (28.6) MIN --> WAS
David Robertson - 828 (28.6) CHW --> NYY
Addison Reed - 839 (20.5) NYM --> BOS

Justin Wilson - 757 (21.0) DET --> CHC

Brandon Maurer - 720 (18.9) SDP --> KCR

UPDATE: I had David Robertson as the closer in my earlier version of this post, but not only has he dropped down a layer thanks to my new category system, but he's now not even the top dog in his category. I actually left Brandon Maurer off my list of relievers in the old version of this post, because despite his inflated fantasy points due to his 20 saves with the Padres, I didn't think he would play a big role on this All-Acquired bullpen. But now that I'm dividing the list by role, this is a perfect place to stash him.

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It seems to be a trend that impact relievers are usually the most well represented class of player moved during the trade deadline, possibly because a good one can easily fit on any roster. David Robertson may not continue to rack up the saves in his new (and also former) home, setting up for last year's all-acquired closer Aroldis Chapman in New York, the same role he had when he used to set up for the great Mariano Rivera. But the Team USA Veteran is the only one on this list so far who has "qualified" as a closer with the White Sox, so he gets the nod in the prestige position.

RELIEF PITCHER
Tony Watson - 597 (14.9) PIT --> LAD
Anthony Swarzak - 519 (14.8) CHW --> MIL
Pat Neshek - 488 (12.8) PHI --> COL

Ryan Madson - 425 (11.2) OAK --> WAS
Joe Smith - 406 (11.9) TOR --> CLE
Tommy Kahnle - 401 (11.5) CHW --> NYY
Ryan Buchter - 386 (10.4) SDP --> KCR
Kirby Yates - 369 (11.9) LAA --> SDP
+David Phelps - 344 (8.4) MIA --> SEA

UPDATE: Speaking of inflated stats due to saves, Tony Watson has that in spades, as he was the Pirates' closer before losing his job to the younger and harder-throwing Felipe Rivero. Considering that, it's all the more impressive that Anthony Swarzak could put up a nearly identical points-per-game total, even without pitching in a ninth-inning role, but I already have the Watson screenshot, so there you go.

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Speaking of White Sox relievers, they've been on the bargain bin lately, with a duo of well-performing, low profile setup men also leaving with their team's former closer (Tommy Kahnle literally went to the Yankees in the same deal his team's former closer, while Swarzak is still technically en route to the Brewers, as of this writing). But the more dynamic of the two relief pitcher duos to get traded could be the duo of former closers who have been traded by the Athletics. Both are controllable - Ryan Madson via a free agent deal, Sean Doolittle from a contract extension - and they went to fulfill the most satisfying need of any club in the majors so far: strengthening Washington's relief corps. Pat Neshek's name was so hot off the presses that it just showed up on MLB.com's transaction page. David Phelps was well-discussed, and went for a big prospect package, but in terms of fantasy points, he hasn't been dominant at all.

CATCHER
Alex Avila - 694 (10.8) DET --> CHC
Jonathan Lucroy - 520 (8.0) TEX --> COL
+Stephen Vogt - 468 (7.4) OAK --> MIL
Miguel Montero - 260 (5.5) CHC // TOR

Raise your hand if at the beginning of this season you thought that Alex Avila, signed to a one-year deal to be a backup catcher, would have statistically outperformed Jonathan Lucroy, two-time member of Team USA in the WBC. Anyone with their hand up should immediately buy a ticket to Vegas and make some bets, all while keeping your hand in the air. Avila's history of making hard contact earned him a one way ticket to play for the defending world champions, where he'll back up hot hitting Willson Contreras. But for platoon purposes on this All-Acquired team, Avila makes for an ideal starter, while Lucroy would fill in against lefties.

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I... I believe... I believe that Stephen Vogt... Is the Best Acquired Catcher... Of the current baseball season... Picked up by Milwaukee via a waiver claim, the longtime clubhouse favorite of the A's won't be able to suit up behind the plate for the foreseeable future, due to a basepath collision with a pitcher. Now the sad part about this injury is that it likely could have been avoided if there were a trained runner (i.e., a non-pitcher) trying to abide by the new-ish slide rule. #DesignatedHitter #UniversalDH #FreeTheDH

FIRST BASE
Matt Adams - 823 (11.0) STL --> ATL
Lucas Duda - 693 (11.2) NYM --> TBR

UPDATE: I can see a world where Lucas Duda would supplant Matt Adams as the starter here, especially given their respective performances over the last month or so. But since it's likely that whoever lost out on the first base job would slot in as the DH, it's really a moo point.

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When you're hitting so well for your new team that you've got one of the league's top hitters considering a position change to accommodate you, you know you're doing something right. Of course a lot of the reasoning behind that move is that Freddie Freeman could conceivably handle third base, whereas Matt Adams is exclusively a first baseman, and a platoon first baseman at that. But lefty power is always a fun part of the game, so it's nice that the Braves can conceivably get a double dose.

SECOND BASE
Howie Kendrick - 433 (13.1) PHI --> WAS
Danny Espinosa - 375 (4.9) LAA --> SEA

UPDATE: Howie Kendrick has spent the majority of his career playing second base for the Angels, before he took on more of a utility role with the REAL Los Angeles team in 2016. While he has mostly manned left field since then, and while the presence of Daniel Murphy on his new team will likely keep him from playing the keystone much in the foreseeable future, he still definitely has the capability, if not the eligibility, to contribute in the infield.

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(formerly Eduardo Nunez) This pick is a stretch: it's a huge lean on a player's Capability to play a position as opposed to his Qualifications at that position. In terms of fantasy eligibility, Eduardo Nunez is on his way to an impressive three positions - SS, 3B, and OF. And while he's almost certain to spend most of his time in his new home at the hot corner, given Boston's well documented third base woes, if Nunez can handle the keystone (where he has just 29 career games), this current hypothetical team goes from discouraging to passable.

THIRD BASE
Todd Frazier - 908 (11.6) CHW --> NYY
Trevor Plouffe - 402 (5.7) OAK --> TBR

Need a right handed power hitter to complement Adams (and, Gods willing, Vogt) from the left side? Look no further than Todd Frazier, who has the added benefit that he can be a solution to both the third base AND first base woes for HIS new team, the Yankees. Maybe this trade will be the domino that makes a Yonder Alonso trade less likely, which will in turn push the A's towards an extension, which are is a good way of KEEPING THE GOOD PLAYERS YOU HAVE, BILLY! Wasn't that exactly a part of your missive to yourself last week? Speaking of Billy Beane, Trevor Plouffe was lost for nothing via waivers to the Rays, and isn't hitting great, but at this point he's probably on course to be this team's DH in a slow market for position players.


SHORTSTOP
Eduardo Nunez - 799 (12.5) SFG --> BOS
Tim Beckham - 709 (9.5) TBR --> BAL
Adam Rosales - 361 (5.5) OAK --> ARI
Adeiny Hechavarria - 180 (5.8) MIA --> TBR

UPDATE: I assumed that Eduardo Nunez would move to the All-Acquired shortstop when the A's shipped Jed Lowrie to a playoff contender. But even though that deal never materialized, circumstances still allowed Nunez to move back to where he's spent the plurality of his career (although it's close: 2,067 innings at short vs. 1,809 at third). In fact, shortstop is now a fairly deep All-Acquired position, thanks to another head-scratching move of Tim Beckham to the Orioles and the eminently sensible acquisition of Adam Rosales by the Diamondbacks.

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Say what you like about his lack of offensive production, he's got a pretty mean glove, and there's a lot of different ways you can contribute to a team. Just not in terms of fantasy... Eduardo Nunez moves here in the event of a Jed Lowrie trade. We need to get Tom Sawyer played as a walk up song in more stadiums.

OUTFIELD
J.D. Martinez - 818 (15.4) DET --> ARI
Melky Cabrera - 983 (11.7) CHW --> KCR
Nori Aoki - 386 (6.2) HOU --> TOR
Hyun Soo Kim - 179 (3.5) BAL --> PHI

UPDATE: The presence of Melky Cabrera in the All-Acquired corner outfield mix is what allowed Kendrick to move to his former position of second base. We'll see if his presence on the Royals' corner outfield mix improves their odds of making the 2017 playoffs for the last time before the core of their lineup is scheduled to hit free agency. If there's one glaring weakness on this team, it has to be outfield depth, as the two prospective backups, Aoki and Kim, were included in their trades mostly as ways to offset salary rather than as trade targets themselves.

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If I were to name a player who is most likely to be the crown jewel of this year's entire all-acquired class, it would be J.D. Martinez. He's bounced back nicely from a preseason injury, so he has the added bonus of essentially just hitting midseason form down the stretch. He complements what is already a good offensive lineup, which is what is SUPPOSED to happen to a good offensive lineup; it's not supposed to be GUTTED like when Yoenis Cespedes was shipped out of Oakland for a slight pitching upgrade to a staff that had already been upgraded. But no... you just CAN'T RESIST THE DEAL, can you, Billy? Just like you CAN'T STOP WATERING YOUR LAWN!


CENTER FIELD
Danny Santana - 335 (6.1) MIN --> ATL
Matt Sczcur - 211 (3.5) CHC --> SDP

UPDATE: In another case of capability vs. eligibility (see Howie Kendrick above), Danny Santana hasn't played much center in 2017, but that's where he's spent the plurality of his career (905 innings there vs. 864 at shortstop). While he hasn't turned in a very memorable 2017 season so far, he's perfectly capable of playing up the middle and batting ninth for this... mostly impressive team.

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I don't know how this post turned into a hatefest against the A's president of baseball operations, but I'd just like to take this opportunity to say that I can't abide fantasy leagues that don't distinguish between CF and OF (i.e. corner outfield) eligibility. HOWEVER, I would also be extremely annoyed if a league distinguished between LF and RF. It's a fine line, one that my fantasy astrology league walks quite nicely. But that's a story for a different feature.

Thoughts about Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 2

After a week spent setting the scenes and reminding the viewers where everyone stands for the new season, we're back to the typical GoT format of laying out some well-thought-out and promising plans for all our favorite characters, only to make us watch them explode spectacularly in a giant fireball. But there were also four other storylines this week that weren't quite so catastrophic, so let's unpack everything that went down (organized by storyline this time, not chronologically).

The latest massive disappointment involves this week's A Story, which picks up right where last week's episode left off, with the supergroup of Daenerys, Tyrion, the younger generation of Greyjoys, the Sand Snakes, and the one surviving Tyrell who matters. (For ease of color-coding, I'm going to group all these characters under Dany's red banner, unless they break off into their own specific missions.) After a header where Daenerys basically demands "honest loyalty" from Varys, Melisandre shows up looking for new bandmates. Everyone's favorite Red Priestess writes a glowing letter of recommendation for the current King in the North Jon Snow, and recommends that they let him into the group, despite the fact that he had her exiled from the North on account of her stance on human sacrifice.

In the next scene in this storyline (Scene 6 overall), once the entire band has shown up to practice, Tyrion breaks out the setlist for their next show: Theon and Yara will use their ships to bring Ellaria's army from Dorne to Westeros, which will help Olenna besiege King's Landing, while the Unsullied mount an attack on the Lannister home base of Casterly Rock. It all seems to make a lot of strategic sense, and there's even some sparks that fly between the women from Sunspear and Pyke... until Scene 11, when crazy uncle Euron bursts in and takes the first step in fulfilling the promise he made to Cersei in the last episode. The mad pirate makes quick work of Yara's fleet, killing two of the sand snakes, capturing the other two, along with his niece Yara, and reducing Theon to the blubbering whimpering shell of a man, who abandons ship and blows yet another chance to take action and save one of the important women in his life.

So not but five scenes after we hear about it, Tyrion's plan for a two-pronged assault falls apart, as it's hard to besiege a port city with just half the ground troops you were expecting to have and no naval superiority. Come to think of it, why did nobody mention Euron's Iron Fleet in any of their previous strategy meetings? Did they just not entertain the possibility of him teaming up with Cersei? If all the heroes can band together, why not the villains as well? Although if Euron continues on with his ships to Dragonstone, Daenerys might have to pivot to a defensive stance before mounting any kind of offensive in any direction. Unless the Unsullied already marched off towards Casterly Rock - it's hard to tell because some of the timing was a little confusing in this episode. For example, the raven that Dany sends to Jon in Scene 1 arrives in Winterfell in the very next scene, whereas the one Sam sent in Scene 8 of the previous episode doesn't arrive until Scene 9 of Episode 2. Maybe the Oldtown email servers are not as fast as the ones they have at Dragonstone...

Speaking of Winterfell, Jon and Sansa's stories look likely to split after the new King in the North agrees to take Davos to meet with Daenerys in order to try and get his hands on some of her sweet, sweet dragonglass, a.k.a. obsidian, i.e. the anti-White Walker element. But I wouldn't be surprised if the vibe between Jon and Dany gets a little steamy, just based on how many people are trying to set them up, and based on the fact that no one knows that Jon is actually Daenerys's nephew. Remember that only Bran knows the truth of Jon's real parentage - Rhaegar Targaryen (Daenerys's brother) and Lyanna Stark (Ned's sister) - although even if something does happen, I feel like we've heard that "the Targaryens have wed brother and sister for a hundred years" enough times that maybe no one will care... which will not make it any less weird. Speaking of Bran, why no one at Castle Black thought to send a raven telling Jon that his brother arrived at The Wall is completely beyond me. The Night's Watch must really need a better broadband connection...

Sticking with the theme of the Stark children, we pick Arya's storyline back up without any indication whether or not she killed Ed Sheeran and his band of wholesome Lannister soldiers on her way to kill Cersei at King's Landing. The youngest Stark girl reunites with her old traveling companion Hot Pie, who recaps Season 6, Episode 9: Battle of the Bastards, causing her to change course and head back up north to meet Jon at Winterfell. While he'll probably be on his way to Dragonstone at that time, I imagine Arya would still be happy to see her sister, provided Littlefinger hasn't made some creepy power play regarding Sansa. Who knows, maybe Arya will arrive just in time to save her from said power play? Whatever she does, she'll have to do it without her wolf Nymeria, who has become Queen of the Wolves since her last appearance in Season 1, Episode 2: The Kingsroad, and has no time for her former owner.

Arya's change of plans can only be good news for Cersei and Jaime, (both colored magenta, until their interests stop being aligned). In their first scene, Jaime makes a play to lure Randyll Tarly away from Team Tyrell (more on the Tarly clan later). Then Qyburn, the new Hand of the Queen, tells Cersei it's no worries about Daenerys's mythical flying beasts, since he's developed the ultimate in anti-dragon weaponry: a big fuck-off crossbow. Dun-Dun-DUNNNNN!!!! Seriously? We've seen you use your mad science to reanimate a corpse, and the best you can come up with is a CROSSBOW? But based on the "this just might be stupid enough to work" principle, I'm almost certain that thing is gonna be responsible for taking out at least one dragon. Probably Drogon.

This week's E story features the continuation of Sam's rebellious behavior in maester school. Last week he stole some books from the secret members-only section of the library, and this week he's performing experimental invasive surgery without permission... or anesthetic. At least carving off Jorah's infected greyscale skin wasn't nearly as gross as emptying about a million chamber pots full of maester shit. Based on how this story was presented ("You have ONE DAY before we exile you!" "That surgery is FORBIDDEN!"), I'm pretty confident that Sam will be successful and Jorah will have the same results as Shireen Baratheon (before she got burned alive). Otherwise that would've been an awful lot of setup just to eke out some more screen time for a couple of minor characters.

Missing from this episode were Bran Stark and Sandor Clegane. The latter I can understand, as I still consider "The Hound" a rookie in terms of carrying his own storyline (he's only really had five scenes as the protagonist), so you don't necessarily want to feature him in every episode. But as I've already mentioned, the fact that Bran and his head full of magical flashback-knowledge has now been at Castle Black for almost two full episodes and no one else knows about it is kind of mind-boggling. The only explanation I can see is that these stories are presented non-linearly, and maybe Bran and Meera's arrival at The Wall actually happens much later in the show-timeline than it does in the episode-timeline. I just wish we didn't have to wait a whole week in real time to see how much time will have passed when the show picks up again.

Thoughts About Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 1

For a long time, I resisted Game of Thrones, for much the same reason that I resisted Harry Potter: people kept telling me it was "better than Lord of the Rings." Now, I'm a die-hard Frodo Fanatic, so a comment like this was usually enough for me to turn my nose up in indignation and refuse to acknowledge the matter further. My wife even bought me the first book in the series (not because she's a reader, but because she thought I might like it, bless her heart), and I started to read it, but quit part way through. Lord of the Rings isn't filled with nonstop action or salacious political intrigue, but when I read those books, I feel like I'm reading the basis of something that could become an Oscar-winning blockbuster film series. By contrast, when I read Game of Thrones, I feel like I'm reading something that could be the basis of a cheesy TV program. But then, something utterly expected happened: they made Game of Thrones into a cheesy TV program... and it turned out to be damn compelling.

I'm not saying Game of Thrones is perfect show, nor am I saying that there weren't some moments that were so disturbing and distasteful that I considered not continuing to watch. But when taken as a whole, over more than six seasons (just barely, as of last night), I'd say there were more fun moments than cringe-worthy ones. And over those 6+ seasons, I started to get a little obsessed with the show, as is my nature - I read all the books between seasons 4 and 5, and then prior to this season, I re-watched (most of) the show and tracked all the storylines in a color-coded document, for my own amusement and edification. If only there were a career path where I could put some of these skills to use. Oh, right, there is: TV producer. Anybody want to see my Emmy (certificate)?

Anyway, let's look back at the Season 7 premiere and see how each scene falls into place when considering the larger arc for each story:

WARNING: SPOILERS AND ADULT CONTENT AHEAD!!!

Scene 0. (Cold Open) Arya finishes off the Freys

My color-coding system technically tracks characters, not storylines per se, although Arya Stark has had her own storyline since Season 1, when her father Ned allowed her to pursue her own interests (i.e. water dancing) rather than forcing her to conform to established gender roles. Side note: Ned had his own storyline in Season 1 (for which I used Dark Green), which was then continued by his eldest son Robb in the next two seasons (since his main reason for becoming King in the North was to avenge his father), all the way up through the Red Wedding - which was prominently featured in this week's Prev On segment. In this direct reversal of the Red Wedding to start this season, Arya makes use of the class levels of Assassin she gained while working for the Faceless Men to impersonate the (literally) late Lord Walder Frey and lure all his kinsmen to their poison-induced doom. Then, after she unmasks, Mission: Impossible style, Arya delivers an updated version of House Stark's words: "Winter came for House Frey," or as it will surely be parodied in the Game of Bones porn parody: "Winter came... ALL OVER House Frey!"


Scene 1. Bran and Meera arrive at Castle Black

This scene exists pretty much just to showcase the special effects on the army of the dead (now with giants!) and to reassure viewers that Brandon Stark will in fact appear in this season (he sat out all of Season 5 while he was gaining class levels in Druid with the Three-Eyed Raven). Oh, also to remind us that "Dolorous" Edd Tollett is now in charge of the Night's Watch. Side note: did anyone else think they were gonna do a gag where Edd bumped his head on the gate as he turned to go back into the tunnel under the Wall?


Scene 2: Sansa disagrees with (but respects) Jon's style of leadership

If only there were a song about being reunited and it feeling so good, it could be the theme song for the combination of Jon Snow and Sansa Stark's storyline into one. I counted this one as a Jon scene because the main content revolved around Jon making decisions in his capacity as King in the North; or at least "all the LIVING North." Most of the subtext occurred during the second part of the scene, a sidebar between Jon and Sansa, which also provides some good "Uncle/Father" fodder for the Arrested Westeros Twitter account.


Scene 3: Cersei refuses Euron's marriage proposal

This scene is also split into two parts. In the first part, Cersei Lannister-Baratheon (is she still technically Baratheon after Robert died?) recaps all her enemies and Jaime Lannister posits that they desperately need some allies. (Jaime gets his own color for all those episodes he was off with Brienne and then later Bronn... all the B characters.) Then in part two, Cersei rejects one of those potential allies, Euron Greyjoy (uncle of Theon), who offers a marriage proposal, "a thousand ships, and two good hands." He's off to find a suitable present for the Queen, which will probably involve bad news for the Starks in one way or another.


Scene 4: Sam gains access to Oldtown's restricted area

In the first episode where Oldtown is featured on the Main Title Map, everyone's favorite future maester Samwell Tarly stars in his very own training montage! After emptying more buckets of shit than should be allowed to be shown on cable television, Sam sweet talks his maester-mentor into letting him into the adult section of the Oldtown library so he can do his part to fight the incoming zombie apocalypse... with KNOWLEDGE! Side note: I enjoyed seeing Jim Broadbent make his first GoT appearance if only because it gives me the excuse to make the case that he should play Tom Bombadil in the long-awaited spinoff of the Lord of the Rings films...


Scene 5. Brienne distrusts Littlefinger

Even though Brienne of Tarth has her own storyline in my color-coding system (she took over Catelyn Stark's storyline since Brienne is oath-bound to carry on Cat's main mission in life: to protect the Stark children), I gave this scene to Sansa because she's the one making the decision to let Littlefinger stay in Winterfell. Sansa rightly points out that "Littlefinger saved us," but she neglects to mention that the saving came after he sold her out to the Boltons and all but promised to deliver her head on a spike to Cersei Lannister. (That was in Episode 506, Scene 5, although it wasn't featured in the Prev On.)


Scene 6. Arya camps with some Lannister soldiers

We've already seen Arya at her most badass, so this scene really only exists as a vehicle for an Ed Sheeran cameo (who I wouldn't have recognized had my wife not been sitting next to me, mostly ignoring the show as I watched). I did, however, recognize the song he was singing, as it was one of my favorite lines of verse in the book series.


Scene 7. The Hound sees a vision in the flames

Sandor Clegane is the protagonist of the newest storyline in the series, as he only started getting his own scenes to carry 7 episodes into Season 6. He was an important character prior to that, but his scenes were always subsumed by more important characters: specifically Sansa when she was at King's Landing, and then Arya when he took her captive and tried to sell her for ransom. But now it looks like the Hound is not only getting over his fear of fire, but he's also joining the fight against evil in earnest.


Scene 8. Sam learns there is dragonglass on Dragonstone

OK, that's what HAPPENS in the scene - it's a callback to Scene 2 when Jon starts his meeting by telling everyone to keep their eyes open for any dragonglass (i.e. obsidian) they can find because of its use against White Walkers. But the main revelation in this scene (as predicted by Ozzy Man in his review of the Season 7 trailer) is that Jorah Mormont (who never really had his own storyline) has not yet found a cure for his greyscale and is slowly but surely turning into a stone man. Tough break for Jorah the Explorer...


Scene 9. Daenerys arrives at Dragonstone

This scene consists of only one line of dialogue (not counting the SEAGULLS SCREECHING and DRAGONS SCREECHING descriptives that appear in the closed captions), but it's tremendously significant in the Game of Thrones timeline, as it represents the end of Daenerys Targaryen's journey from across the Narrow Sea to her ancestral home on Dragonstone... the very same dragonglass-rich Dragonstone that is the title of this week's episode! Also of note, her entourage includes prime mover/shaker Tyrion Lannister, and they arrived using ships provided by Theon and Yara Greyjoy. And Khaleesi also unveils another gem in her collection of Going Out Tops, the original backronym for GoT.