Sunday, November 27, 2011

Batman walks into an Apple Store on Black Friday


INT Apple Store: DAY


[The crowd is pushing and shoving and shouting, all trying to get the attention of the sales associates. There's even a crowd at the Genius Bar and Lecture Classroom area, filled with people who know it's the craziest shopping day of the year, but can't stay away, because they need their sweet fix of the Apple Store.


[We are looking out at the front door from the inside of the store, just skimming the tops of the customers' heads. Suddenly a black caped form drops from the sky, straightens up, and is revealed to be Batman. A hush briefly falls over the crowd, as the customers' attention turns to the dark figure, shades of irritation in their faces for having their deals interrupted. Batman's eyes narrow.


[The business and hubbub breaks out immediately afterwards, twice as loud and rambunctious as before. No one even notices Batman is there anymore. Our hero confidently wades into the fray. He walks up to the nearest blue-shirt, who is explaining the features on a new iPad to a customer. His name tag says Deron.


[Two shot of Deron talking to the Customer.]


DERON
Now if you touch the screen with three and a half fingers, and drag them in a triple-zig-zag pattern, you can open…


[As Deron turns away from the customer to demonstrate the screen gesture, the camera follows him to look at the appliance. A muffled yell is heard, faintly distinguishable from the general clatter. When the two-shot returns, Batman is standing in the Customer's place.]


DERON
Holy sh…


BATMAN
I need a pair of in-ear headphones with a built-in microphone. NOW!


DERON
Um… well, sir, if you'll just give your name to Stacy here…


[Stacy pops up beside him.]


STACY
I can just put you in our system and the next available…


BATMAN
You don't understand, this is an emergency.


DERON
That may be, sir, but it is Black Friday, the busiest shopping day of the year. We have a lot of customers expecting the biggest deals we have to offer. You can't just…


[Batman grabs Deron by the lapels, swings him around, and smashes him up against a display of 27" monitors. Customers are startled. Stacy screams.]


BATMAN
You listen to me, you pimply little punk. You get me a set of headphones, or people will die.


DERON
Die…? What could you possibly need…


BATMAN
Joker fried my previous set of headphones in our last encounter at the chemical plant, and remotely disabled the Blu-Tooth connectivity in the Batmobile. I need to be able to interface with the voice activated Batcomputer while I'm driving around the city trying to solve the Riddler's clues. It's part of their nefarious plot to force me to venture out into the mall on the busiest shopping day of the year.


DERON
And you couldn't go to a Best Buy…?


[Batman punches the display next to Deron's' head, and sparks fly.]


BATMAN
Your store was closer. Now…


[He draws up close to Deron's face.]


BATMAN
…are you going to be part of the problem, or are you going to help me find a solution?


[Deron is about to pass out from fear, when Stacy comes up behind Batman and tentatively holds out a set of headphones. Batman grabs it without even turning to face her.]


STACY
Free… of charge, sir…


BATMAN
Thanks.


[He drops Deron to the floor and turns on Stacy, towering over her.]


BATMAN
And also one of those carrying cases for a 17" laptop.


STACY
Sir…?


[Batman glowers at her. He doesn't want to shout "Now!" again, or bad things will happen. Stacy knows this and hurries off, through the crowd of people that has gathered.]


STACY
Excuse me, pardon me…


[Batman now stands there silently, next to Deron's limp form, amid a pile of smashed monitors and computers, the unopened set of headphones in his hand. A crowd of people stares, snaps pictures, and takes video footage. Employees do the same with the display iPhone models. It gets a little awkward.]


BATMAN
I mean, might as well pick up a case for my new… portable Batcomputer… as long as I'm here…




END

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